It’s not always obvious if someone has a narcissistic friend… because narcissistic traits aren’t always immediately apparent.
While there are different levels of narcissism, most narcissists are able to blend in with the rest of society.
Symptoms of a narcissistic friend include delusions of grandeur, an inability to connect emotionally with others, a sense of being special and unique, and strong feelings of jealousy.
It’s not uncommon for them to feel jealous of all the previous intimate relationships their partner may have had.
There are three main levels of narcissism ranging from mild to psychopathic.
Each level increases in severity, but surprisingly, it also becomes harder to spot signs of a narcissistic friend at the more severe levels.
This is due to the more narcissistic men’s skills at mimicking (outright faking) the social norm.
Types of Narcissism in a Friend
The less severe type of narcissistic friend typically suffers from delusions of grandeur (delusions of grandeur).
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They are usually very jealous and can be somewhat possessive.
This type of friend may also seem emotionless and will not be empathetic.
It is the result of unfavorable comparisons between oneself and others: their success, reputation, possessions, luck, or qualities.
It is misery, humiliation, and impotent anger. It can also be the result of unfavorable comparisons between oneself and one’s partner’s past relationships.
The narcissist experiences a range of reactions to this destructive and distorting emotion of perception:
Subjugating the person of envy through imitation
Some narcissists seek to imitate their role model or someone they are jealous of.
It is as if the narcissist becomes that person by imitating the person of envy.
Thus, narcissists are likely to adopt the typical gestures of their boss, the vocabulary of a successful politician, the opinions of a respected tycoon, and even the expressions and actions of a fictional hero in a movie or novel.
Destroying the Frustrated
Other narcissists choose to destroy the person who makes them feel inadequate and/or frustrated.
They display blind, obsessive hostility and engage in compulsive acts of competition, often at the expense of self-destruction and self-isolation.
Self-deprecation
Sam Vaknin, a narcissist and author of Malignant Self-Love, writes:
“There are those narcissists who glorify the successful, the rich, and the lucky. They attribute to them supernatural, almost divine qualities…
In an attempt to justify the painful disparities between themselves and others, they humble themselves while elevating others.
They belittle and minimize their own talents, belittle their accomplishments, devalue their possessions, and look with contempt and disdain on those closest to them, who cannot discern their fundamental flaws. “They feel that they deserve only humiliation and punishment. They are beset with guilt and remorse, devoid of self-esteem, constantly hating and despising themselves – this is the most dangerous kind of narcissism.
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He who derives satisfaction from his own humiliation can only derive happiness from the downfall of others. In fact, most of them end up driving the people they adore and love to destruction and weakness…”
Cognitive Dissonance
The most common reaction is “cognitive dissonance.” This is the belief that grapes are sour rather than recognizing that they are wanted.
These people devalue the source of their frustration and envy.
They find flaws, unattractive traits, high costs, and moral corruption in everything they truly desire and aspire to, and in everyone who has achieved what they often cannot.
This is also the most common reaction to jealousy of a past relationship, whether it is their ex’s happiness with a new partner or their ex’s happiness.
Avoidance – The Schizophrenic Solution
And then, of course, there is simple avoidance. Watching other people’s success and happiness is too painful, too expensive. So, they stay home, alone and isolated.
Romantic Jealousy
Pathological envy is not the same as romantic jealousy. Romantic jealousy is the result of a breach of trust or a perceived breach; a breach of romantic exclusivity of intimacy.
It also involves damaging the self-esteem and self-perception of the partner, as he or she compulsively compares himself or herself unfavorably to the “competition.”
Thus, narcissists are romantically jealous even of intimate partners who had their spouse (or partner) before marriage and even after divorce.
In romantic pairings, certain activities are exclusive and thus confer meaning (making the relationship unique and therefore significant).
Sex is the most common of these pursuits, but it can be anything that both parties agree to: intimate conversations, traveling together, reading poetry, or skiing.
Such activities enhance bonding and make the relationship special.
When one partner violates this exclusivity by engaging in the same undertakings with another person, past or present, the relationship becomes meaningless (“not special”).
