Hi Evie. I (30) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (27) for a year. We live together but haven’t had the chance to meet each other’s families until recently (we live in a different part of the country to my parents and her parents live overseas). I was excited to introduce my girlfriend to my mum as we were so close. I’m an only child so it’s always been just me and my parents and we have a really good relationship. But the whole thing went wrong. They came to stay with us for a long weekend and my girlfriend was upset that we had to give up our room to them and sleep on the sofa. She was withdrawn the whole time, didn’t put in much effort, and then was completely rude to my mum. My mum forgot shampoo and some other toiletries. I asked my girlfriend if she could use some of hers and my girlfriend said “No it’s not my problem if you’re not organized enough to pack your stuff”. Honestly, everyone was pretty shocked and there was a long silence after she said that. I was arguing with her the entire time my parents were there because I didn’t understand what her problem was. After they left, we talked about it and she said she found my parents entitled and that I was fawning over them and she didn’t like it. But I can’t get over how she treated my parents, especially my mother who was polite and kind the entire time. What should I do? – Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for writing this. You’re in a tough spot here, caught between your girlfriend and your parents, and I can understand why this weighs on you. The bottom line is that your girlfriend’s behavior was out of the ordinary. Telling your mom that it’s not her problem because she didn’t pack her shampoo? That’s not just rude — it’s a complete lack of empathy and respect.
There’s no getting around this.
Let’s get to the bottom of why this happened. Your girlfriend has strong feelings about your relationship with your parents. Does she see them as arrogant and accuse you of belittling them? This isn’t something you can ignore. It sounds like she feels threatened or insecure about her place in your life. Maybe she thinks your parents have too much influence over you, or maybe she has different ideas about how much influence they should have in your relationship.
Whatever the case, her feelings don’t justify her actions, but they do give you some insight into what’s going on.
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You need to have a real, honest conversation with her. Let her know how hurtful her behavior is, not just because of what she said, but because of the disrespect she showed your mother. Make it clear to her that how she treated your parents is important to you and that’s not something you’re willing to compromise on. If you can’t respect the people who raised you, you need to ask yourself if that’s the kind of relationship you want to be in.
At the same time, try to listen to her about your relationship with your parents. Is there any truth to what she’s saying? Could it be because she feels like you’re putting your parents’ needs before hers? Sometimes, we don’t see how our actions affect our partners, especially when it comes to family. If there’s something you need to adjust, do it, but don’t start bending over backward just to keep the peace. This is a fast track to resentment on both sides.
If you can’t find common ground on this, it’s time to rethink whether this relationship is right for you.
Respect is key in any relationship—not just between you and your partner, but also with the people who matter to both of you. If your girlfriend can’t understand that, it’s a serious red flag.
