Narcissistic parents often inflict emotional damage on their children. They ignore boundaries, manipulate their children by withholding affection (so that the children “perform”), and neglect to meet their children’s needs because they are only interested in meeting their own needs.

Their image and perfection are essential to narcissists; they often demand perfection from their children.

Consequently, children feel intense pressure to be perfect and try to enhance their talents, appearance, intelligence, or personality to please their father.

Their success in fulfilling their father’s wishes comes at a cost to them if they fail. It is a no-win situation.

There is deep unhappiness among the family members who are ruled by a narcissistic, domineering father.

In many of these families, the mother simply echoes the father because she feels insecure about herself (due to his emotional abuse) and is afraid to confront her husband.

Related : The Narcissist and Emotional Abuse

This destructive pattern is often a result of the mother’s own childhood.

Due to her lack of awareness of the dynamics of narcissism, she has gone from being a cruel, domineering father to a brutal, controlling husband. Repetition of psychological patterns, as with abuse and narcissism, is common.

A mother chooses a husband similar to her abusive father and raises a family in an abusive environment similar to the one she grew up in.

How a Narcissistic Father Affects His Children

Daughters of Narcissistic Fathers

They often report that they are never satisfied when it comes to getting what they need from their fathers.

They never get enough time with their father and have to compete with siblings for that rare time.

When she was a little girl, her father might comment on how beautiful his daughter was.

But as she grew older, he rarely missed an opportunity to comment on her weight and attitude.

Daughters often carry these concerns into adulthood, even if they are otherwise successful. With a father like this, nothing is ever good enough.

Their relationships with future men are tainted by feelings of vulnerability and anxiety about being abandoned for someone else.

Avoiding commitment or anxiously assuming the narcissistic role are two natural ways for girls to keep relationships “safe.”

It’s self-protective but it doesn’t lead to healthy relationships.

Children of Narcissistic Parents

They describe feeling like they can never live up to expectations. Their fathers were so competitive that they competed with their sons. They either competed or they didn’t pay attention to their sons.

Sons often simply accept defeat—how can they win against a grown man?

Sometimes they take another tactic and work hard to beat their father at his own game—just to get his attention and some semblance of parental pride.

However, they never feel good enough even when they succeed; they still feel empty and second-rate.

Girls and boys need their fathers to love them in order to feel validated as individuals.

Narcissists cannot love anyone but themselves. Some of their children become narcissists.

In this way, they get their father’s attention (imitation is the highest form of flattery) and learn from an expert how to manipulate and exploit people.

How does a narcissistic father treat his children?

Having a domineering father is a nightmare for everyone in the family except for the “chosen child” (or children) he chooses to reflect his ideal image. The chosen child is groomed to become his little clone.

They are chosen for their looks, intelligence, special talents, or some other trait that the narcissistic father considers valuable to him.

Other children in the family are passed over because they do not live up to his expectations.

They can be very smart, kind, considerate, or sensitive—none of this matters to the narcissistic father.

He does not care about the quality of his other children’s character or personality.

These children suffer; They spend their entire childhood trying their best to get their father’s love and attention, but they always come up empty-handed.

Related : The Narcissist and Their Lack of Empathy

There is also the typical “scapegoat” child. Narcissistic parents are often cruel and mean to these children, telling them—on a regular basis—that they are incomplete, unmotivated, always wrong, and too nice.

They are worthless to them and are blamed for everything that goes wrong.

34 Signs of a Narcissistic Father

(From The Selfish Children: An Adult’s Guide to Overcoming Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown)

• Directs all of his talk to himself
• Expects you to meet his emotional needs
• Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you
• Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you
• Focuses on blame rather than taking responsibility for his behavior
• Expects you to take advantage of all of his needs
• Over-involved in his hobbies, interests, or addictions to the point of ignoring yours
• Has a high need for attention
• Brags, gets angry, complains, teases inappropriately, brags, and talks in a loud and boisterous voice
• Is closed-minded about his mistakes. Cannot handle criticism and gets angry to stop it
• Gets angry when his needs are not met and becomes agitated or intimidated
• Has an “anything you can do, I can do better” attitude
• Engages in superiority to appear important
• Acts in an overly seductive or charming manner
• Is arrogant and seeks compliments. Expects you to like him
• Is not satisfied unless he is “the biggest” or “the best”
• Seeks social status Spends money just to impress others
• Forgets what you did for him in the past but keeps reminding you that you owe him today
• Neglects family to impress others. Does everything: He is a superhuman who deserves admiration
• Threatens to abandon you if you don’t agree with what he wants
• Doesn’t abide by the law – sees himself above the law
• Doesn’t expect to be punished for not following directions or adhering to guidelines
• Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express them
• Tells you what you should or shouldn’t feel
• Can’t listen to you and doesn’t allow your opinions
• Is more concerned with his own business and interests than yours
• Unable to see things from any point of view other than his
• Wants to control what you do and say – tries to micromanage you
• Tries to make you feel stupid, helpless, and incompetent when you do things on your own
• Has poor insight and can’t see the impact his selfish behavior has on you
• Has shallow feelings and interests
• Exploits others through lies and manipulation.
• Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants
• May engage in physical or sexual abuse of children
• A narcissistic domineering parent is a cruel, lying, and arrogant bully.

He is a tyrant who is completely entrenched in his lavish world and insists that everyone follow his orders.

He is emotionally abusive and can cause significant emotional damage to all family members. Unfortunately, his behaviors make relationships within the family toxic and can cause lifelong wounds.