Hi Evie. I recently broke up with my ex (24). We were together for 8 years and he was the only man I had ever been with. We broke up because he was acting cold and distant. We had planned to get engaged this year and start a family before we were in our 30s and he said he had changed his mind and wasn’t sure if I was the right person. This devastated me. I thought we were happy, just a few months ago we went on holiday to Thailand and had a great time. However, the biggest problem was that just a few days after we broke up, I saw pictures of him with one of my best friends online. They were in a bar together and seemed friendly. It hurt doubly bad – she knew how much I was going through after he left me and she still met him. He always acted like he didn’t like this particular friend the whole time we were together and now I see them out and about? I asked him if there was anything between them but he wouldn’t admit anything. My girlfriend has also become very defensive. Other friends have told me that they slept together and may have been sleeping together before he broke up with me. I’m so confused, and I don’t know how to find out the truth because neither of them will tell me. What can I do? – Millie, South Africa
Dear Millie,
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through – your situation is so painful, and it’s completely understandable that you feel so betrayed and confused right now.
You spent eight formative years with this man, thinking you were building a future together. For him to suddenly turn cold and change his mind about your shared plans is a profound shock to your system.
To make matters worse, discovering that he may be involved with one of your closest friends, someone who should have supported you, adds another layer of betrayal. It’s no wonder you feel doubly hurt and confused. This is a huge emotional blow, and it’s natural to seek clarity and truth in a time of uncertainty. Here’s how to deal with it:
Facing the harsh reality: The first step is to accept the harsh reality. Both your ex and your girlfriend have betrayed your trust. This is not something you can sugarcoat or ignore. The defensiveness from both of them and the rumors you’ve heard are strong indicators that something inappropriate has happened. They may never admit it, but their actions speak louder than words.
Cut ties with toxic relationships: These people have shown their true colors, and their behavior has made it clear that they don’t deserve a place in your life. Your ex’s a sudden change of heart and your girlfriend’s willingness to engage with him even though she knows your pain are clear signs that they don’t respect you. Cut ties with both of them to begin the healing process.
Focus on yourself: You’ve been in a relationship with this man your entire adult life. Take this opportunity to rediscover who you are as an individual. Invest your time in hobbies, career goals, and personal growth. This is a chance to redefine who you are outside of this relationship.
Find the truth within yourself: The truth you’re looking for may never come from them, and that’s okay. Instead, focus on your truth and how you feel about their actions. Recognize the red flags you may have missed or ignored and learn from this experience to build healthier relationships in the future. …This may mean blocking or unfollowing them on social media and avoiding places where you might meet them. This is a difficult time in your life, but it can also be a powerful turning point. By taking responsibility for your emotional well-being and making conscious choices to move forward, you will emerge from this moment stronger and more resilient.
