Covert Narcissists – They can be just as dangerous as overt narcissists. The difference is subtle. Therefore, it may take longer to realize that they are manipulating you.
In this sense, you may end up entangled longer in their spider web.
Related: 4 Unusual-But-Scary Narcissistic Traits That Often Go Unnoticed
Here’s what it was like.
Six years ago, I was living in Thailand with a man who was not good for me. He would assure me that I was his girlfriend, but in the presence of friends and colleagues, I was his best friend.
It was confusing. I confronted him and he convinced me it was better this way.
“Best friends last, best friends don’t,” he said and I bought it.
Luring
I stuck with him for three years. In the streets he refused to hold my hand. He stared at the girls and talked to them in front of me.
He wouldn’t acknowledge my birthday, forbade me from having sex, and kicked me out of his apartment in the middle of the night in the middle of an argument.
It will disappear without any warning. Naturally, I felt anxious and wondered if I was wrong. A week later, he would show up at the door, agitated, calling me a “worry wart.”
At first, I tried to talk about it, but the conversation always revolved around how overly sensitive I was. “Come on. I just need a break. I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal.”
“That’s right. I’m sorry,” I would say. After a few years of this, I was so tired I couldn’t resist. His constant spotlight and detachment was training my subconscious not to question or argue with his decisions. He was succeeding.
ignorance
One day, we were returning home. As usual, he was walking in front of me while I was trying to catch up with him.
“So what should we do during vacation?” I asked, hoping to slow him down.
Related: How I (Barely) Survived My Narcissist Mother
“Uh…um…that. I’m going to Korea to climb a mountain with my old friend,” he said, looking into my eyes briefly.
My old hip injury didn’t allow me to physically walk quickly and he knew that.
“Oh…so it’s just you and your father? Is he traveling all the way from New York?” I raised my voice to the back of his head.
‘Yes. Just me and my old man,” he looked back and blurted.
He wanted me to complain that he was walking too fast. He wanted me to ask why we didn’t do anything together.
It didn’t bother me. He and I knew the rule of silence – you either do it his way or you get a lot of back and forth in vain. Most likely, he was going on a trip with another girl.
I adjusted my frown and smiled slightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice the tears welling up in my dead eyes.
Love bombing
I’ve broken up many times over the years and always came back, but I finally managed to break up for good.
It started when I got my dream job as an editor for a lifestyle magazine. Surprisingly, he offered to take me out. I was ecstatic.
When the bill arrived, I watched him pay half of it and place the receipt in front of me.
“I thought you were going to take me out,” I said.
“I got you out. We’re here, aren’t we?” He said jokingly.
Stabbed in the heart again.
I dug into my bag, grabbed my wallet, quickly looked through the bills, placed them on the table, and stared at him. What do you think I am? stupid? After all, I did it for you. Ugh, you little piece of crap!
I swallowed those words and walked out of the restaurant. A few hours later, he called me in a distraught state and apologized.
“You’re mad because I didn’t pay for your meal, right? I’m sorry. It’s not like I have money to spend. I just wanted to make you feel good,” he said. “I care about you. It’s just a meal. I had a good time, didn’t I?”
Now, I understand his tactics.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I said coldly. “We’re breaking up. I mean it. Don’t call me anymore.”
“Don’t do this! I can’t believe you broke up with a meal. You mean so much to me. I care about you, you know that. Please, June, I love you. He was hysterical.”
