Hi Evie. I have been married for 24 years (25 in September) and have had a very happy life together. The kids are grown and have moved away, and I was looking forward to retiring at some point and traveling with my wife. I love her very much. However, a few months ago, an ex-girlfriend of mine contacted me on social media. She is a widow and said she came across my profile. We started with some polite chatting, and exchanging messages. I was honest with my wife about our interactions and she had no problem with it. But recently things have gotten a little deeper. We have started reminiscing about our time together and it has brought up old feelings. Evie, we were only together for 3 years, we were young and naive. When she left for the army, she moved away and met someone else. I was sad at the time but shortly after that, I met my wife. I don’t know why I now feel such longing for her (my ex). She asked if she could come and visit me, I’m not sure if that is a good idea. I don’t want to hurt my wife but I also think I may have missed “the one” as they call it. What do you suggest? – George, AR
Dear George,
I feel you. Old relationships can bring up feelings we think we’ve left behind, so it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. However, it’s important to realize that nostalgia can be deceptive. You’re remembering a time when you were young, carefree, and life seemed simpler.
The feelings you’re feeling now are tied to memories and questions, not necessarily to the person your ex is today.
Having your ex back in your life brings up unresolved feelings from your past. This is natural, but it’s important to remember why she was your ex and not your current girlfriend. You moved on for a reason. She built her life, and you built yours—a life you’re happy with.
You need to focus on the present. Your spouse is your partner, your best friend, and the person you choose to spend your life with. Bringing your ex into the picture physically can disrupt the harmony you’ve worked so hard to create. It’s not just about you; it’s about respecting your spouse’s feelings and the life you’ve built together.
Ask yourself why you feel this way. Are there aspects of your current life or marriage that you’re unhappy with? If so, address these issues head-on. Dwelling on the past won’t solve problems in the present; it will only make them worse.
Honesty is crucial, but discretion is also crucial. Your spouse trusted you when you told them about your ex. Don’t betray that trust by inviting emotional turmoil into your marriage. Be transparent with your spouse about your feelings, but also be clear about your commitment to them and your life together.
Missing your ex is a sign to look inward. It’s time to strengthen your marriage and invest more in your relationship. Rekindle the romance with your spouse. Plan future trips and make new memories together. Focus on the life you have and the partner who stood by you.
The past is a reference point, not a residence. Don’t let an old flame burn down the life you’ve built. Embrace the present, cherish your spouse, and let the past stay where it belongs—behind you.
Good luck,
Evie
