When a relationship with a narcissist ends, many people find that they cannot move on with their lives until they find closure. The closure will not come from the narcissist. You must come from yourself.
“A lot of people want closure from a narcissist.
You don’t need them.
Now, what kind of closure can you expect from someone who has the emotional maturity of a young child?
Give it to yourself. Pull the shutters and close each door so that it does not open again. Let them slip into the hell they have created for themselves. You’ve got clarity and you know it’s better that way. This is your conclusion.
Closure will not come from the narcissist.
There will be no, “I’m sorry, I treated you badly” or “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Narcissists like to think that you will be under their influence and control forever. They don’t care if you are struggling and finding it hard to move on without some form of closure.
They won’t feel an iota of remorse for the way they treated you.
It is very likely that they will blame you for the relationship’s demise. (You didn’t treat them with the respect they deserve. You didn’t give them the attention they craved. By now you probably get the picture.) A relationship with a narcissist is by no means a normal relationship and the ending would be no different. This final curtain may fall with such devastating speed that you don’t know what has hit you.
Sometimes there will be no reason or rhyme as to why you were neglected or abandoned and they quickly move on to their next goal as if you were never there. Such a harsh rejection will make you question your self-worth and wonder if you mean anything to them at all.
Trying to find an explanation and closure from a narcissist will only cause you more pain. They will never see things from your point of view. They are experts at rewriting history.
Read : The Aging Female Collapsed Narcissist
Finding closure begins with excluding the narcissist from your life in the form of no contact.
You have to let go of their ideas of them being the person you thought they were. They have shown you their true colours. Don’t try to paint a different picture.
Many people, in their desperate struggle to get some form of closure, write, text, or email, demand answers only to be met with silence. Their lack of empathy and compassion will never be more apparent to you than it is now.
The narcissist will not feel sorry for your suffering but what they will do is enjoy the supply you provide and their power over you. Your pain will show them how valuable and important they are. For your own well-being and for the sake of preserving your self-respect, do not pour out your heart on a selfish person whose heart is cold as ice.
Read : The Ageing Narcissist
Show them that you can do well without them. Your indifference will cause them the narcissistic injury they deserve.
Researching the topic of NPD is a good start. This will help you understand why they acted the way they did, that the problem is not you and that they are destined to repeat this pattern of behavior with everyone they encounter.
In my personal circumstances, after not communicating for over a year, I decided to email.
There were things I needed to say. I didn’t expect or need a response. Below are some excerpts from that email.
“…your behavior because you were not the center of attention, was behavior one would expect from a five-year-old. The emotions of a man of your nature did not mature with age. They stuck somewhere in your childhood, and unfortunately that is what you are and always will be.”
I have been told that you have moved on and found someone else. I would like to wish you all the best and hope it works out but I won’t because I know it will end just like all the others. You are not capable of deep and lasting love. Your relationships will all turn into dictatorships, and if they have any self-esteem, they will turn on at the first sign of manipulation and control.
Read : Coping With Postpartum Psychosis: What New Mothers Need To Know
