Hi Evie! I am a 23-year-old girl and have been in a relationship with my husband for two years. We are both introverts and enjoy spending a lot of time at my house or his, playing games or watching movies. I don’t know if this is a recent change in my boyfriend’s behavior or if it has always been this way (maybe I just haven’t noticed), but lately, he has been commenting a lot on my style. I dress comfortably, not for fashion, but I take pride in my appearance and never leave the house unwashed or dirty. However, my boyfriend has started saying that I have no sense of style, that my clothes look cheap and don’t fit, and that he prefers to wear short summer dresses and mini skirts. Once or twice, I have given in and worn an outfit he bought or picked out for me, but I have spent the entire day feeling uncomfortable and insecure. However, it was better than the bad mood he gets into when I wear something he doesn’t like or refuses to change. I have tried to get him to see my side of things, but he is a very stubborn person and my attempts to convince him of the way I feel about it have not worked. I would love any advice on how to get him to stop so I can feel comfortable again 🙁 – Zara, New Hampshire
Thank you for sending this message, Zara!
Let’s talk about your issue with your fashion-obsessed boyfriend.
First and foremost, you’ve done well to recognize that you have the right to feel comfortable in your clothes. Anyone who tries to dictate your style or make you feel bad about it is not worth your time… let alone two years of it.
It doesn’t matter if this behavior is new or if you haven’t noticed it before. What matters is that it’s happening now, and it’s making you unhappy. Not only are his comments disrespectful, but they’re also a huge red flag for controlling behavior. Unfortunately, controlling tendencies usually start small, and the next thing you know, you have to ask permission to leave the house to buy groceries. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and acceptance, not on one person trying to mold the other into their ideal image or trying to restrict and lead them.
I’ve tried talking to him, which is a great first step, but the fact that he’s not budging or trying to see this from your perspective is bad news. This tells you something important: He’s either unwilling or unable to respect your boundaries and feelings. Either way, that’s far from the foundation for a happy, lasting partnership.
I rarely suggest breaking up outright, but your submission has made me very sad. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not who he wants you to be. Trust me, there are plenty of fish in the sea who will appreciate your sense of style and celebrate your individuality.
Life is too short to spend it feeling insecure and uncomfortable, especially in your clothes. And time is too short to waste in the company of miserable partners who love to make others miserable just like them. Go find someone who thinks you’re great just the way you are—with all the sweats you wear!
