Mother’s Day is coming up. Is it time to run and hide or stumble around the Hallmark store desperately searching for that blank card that says nothing and that you can simply sign your name on? How sad, terrifying, taboo, and misunderstood this is for adult children raised by narcissistic parents. Who would have believed it? It’s common to imagine the mother you always wanted, still want, and wish you could celebrate her on this untouchable, widely celebrated holiday where others feel warm and cozy with their mothers. But… this is the time of year when I get the most emails from those raised by difficult narcissistic parents. It’s like Mother’s Day strikes with a bolt of fear and dread. What should I do? How should I deal with this? How should I feel? I don’t really dare talk about it or I’ll sound like a crazy person. It’s a PTSD meltdown. As if I was fine until this holiday started to invade my personal mind and reignite my guilt and wonder.
Maybe I’m wrong, and maybe this time, this year, is different. Maybe I went to a mental boot camp, got help, and decided to wake up and work on motherhood. Maybe she really loves me. Maybe, just maybe… she hopes and hopes.
That’s why the first step in the five-step recovery model for treating adult children of narcissistic parents is acceptance. Accepting that the parent is dysfunctional, that this parent is unable to provide compassion and unconditional love, and even worse, that they will likely never change. Until this step is mastered and the internal healing work is done, Mother’s Day can continue to be a motivating event every year. So what can you do? Of course, work on your recovery, but that takes time and a lot of work, and in the meantime, Mother’s Day is coming up. But, right now, you can celebrate yourself! You can celebrate your ability to love, your ability to provide compassion, and your ability to love unconditionally. If you’ve received this gift, it’s definitely something to celebrate this holiday.
I have now met thousands of people who were raised by narcissistic parents and who are stopping the generational legacy of distorted love. They are raising their children with compassion, and they are making a difference in the world every day by how they treat their children. That is something to celebrate! In my book, nothing is more important than how we treat our children. If you are a parent yourself, celebrate your loving self on Mother’s Day! If you are not a parent, celebrate others who are raising their children in strong, wise, and loving ways and be a role model of compassion for others. Make it a point to choose compassionate responses for all your loved ones and join the community fighting the devastating effects of narcissistic parenting. We need you on our team. Kids need you. You need you! Come on, Team Empathy!
