Traditionally, on birthdays, we recognize the person whose birthday it is, not necessarily the person who gave birth to them. However, one mother tried to change that in a Christmas tradition that one family had carried on for years – until it threatened to tear the family apart.
A mother expected her four children to celebrate her every birthday.
“Every year of our birthdays, we’re expected to celebrate my mom too,” one stepdaughter posted on Reddit. “We’ve been doing this since we were little. I’ve learned that ‘thanks for getting pregnant + giving birth to us.’
While this tradition seems to be gaining more strength with more people suggesting celebrating a mother’s ‘birthday’, the 25-year-old explained how her maternal traditions have evolved over the years and led to her mother searching for more valuable gifts with a higher monetary value.
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“As we get older, we are now expected to get cash gifts (not cards or homemade items),” she wrote in the post. “My younger brother is not expected to give much, but my 16-year-old sister and 18-year-old second brother work, so they are expected to give gifts as well.”
The problem arose when the 25-year-old’s birthday was coming up and her 16-year-old sister admitted that she wanted to get her more, but couldn’t because of pressure from her mother to buy her a certain necklace.
She explained: “I asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300.” “I honestly lost it on our mother and chewed it out later that afternoon when my mother opened her presents behind me.”
The confrontation led to the mother expelling her daughter and treating her in silence.
She continued in conclusion: “It has been more than two weeks and my mother has not returned my calls.” “She was posting on Facebook inspirational quotes about eliminating toxicity from your life, how blood doesn’t equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother.”
She initially thought she was right, but became unsure of her decision as everyone was on her mother’s side, prompting her to turn to Reddit for advice.
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Many people have emphasized how narcissistic this tradition is.
In the comments, the daughter revealed that her mother doesn’t follow the same traditions as her grandmother — in other words, their traditions don’t extend beyond their immediate family. The father is also forced to imitate but supports it even though he does not receive gifts or praise for being a parent to these children.
“This is a classic ‘look at me!!!!’” One person noted in the comments that it attracts the attention of narcissists who need a constant supply of narcissists. They added: “Also the ‘silent treatment’ is a classic narc move on kids to beat them up in class.” “.
In fact, in a TikTok video, marriage and family therapist Katie Morton, LMFT, listed some of the signs of a narcissistic mother, many of which seem to describe this mother’s behavior. For example, Morton explains that a mother who “views you as an extension of herself,” perhaps by anticipating celebrating someone else’s birthday, is a sign of a narcissistic mother.
Morton also points out that sharing your personal information with others and playing the victim, both things this mother did when she posted on Facebook about her family’s situation, may indicate narcissism.
As the person pointed out in the comments, the silent treatment is also an emotionally abusive tactic that narcissists use as a form of control. It is a form of emotional abuse that can lead to lasting emotional damage into adulthood.
Since most people in the comments supported the daughter, she updated her original post with an edit thanking everyone for their support and explaining her next steps.
“I think it’s really interesting and I’m going to try to find a therapist,” she wrote.
