Love bombing is a narcissist’s secret weapon.
And in this article, we discuss everything there is to know about this subtle and dangerous manipulation tactic — what love bombing is, what the signs of a love bomber are, and what you can do about it.
In simpler terms, love bombing is a kind of romantic manipulation.
It is often used by toxic and narcissistic individuals, who have experience seeing love bombardment first hand (from parents or other relationships in their lives).
Love bombing is the manipulation of the victim in a romantic partnership through extravagant displays of affection at the beginning of the relationships,
The intent of love bombing is to make them helpless and vulnerable to the manipulator.
In other words, the victim is relentlessly “bombarded” with love at the beginning of the relationship, making them believe they have to go along with the extremely high commitment of the relationship, which becomes an impossible chase.
This leaves the victim feeling deeply indebted to their supposed romantic partner, and thus vulnerable to anything their partner might want.
What is the purpose of love bombing?
Love bombs are actions to win your love and trust. It can be flattery, flattery, romance or promises of the future.
Once they gain your trust, they are in control. The narcissist will manipulate you to get what he wants.
They will shape your role in the relationship and see you as the supporting cast of the hero (which they are, of course).
If your focus isn’t 100% on the love-bombing narcissist, they’re going to get angry. They will not be able to understand that you have other things going on in your life.
But here’s the important thing:
Narcissists struggle to maintain mutually beneficial relationships.
In other words, the relationship will only benefit them, and over time you will be left in the dark to heal your emotional wounds.
Now here is the main problem:
It can be really hard to know when this is happening to you.
After all, not everyone that is romantic and sweet is a narcissist.
So, how do you differentiate true expressions of love from the actions of a love-blown narcissist?
15 clear signs of love bombing
If you are not sure whether or not you are a victim of love bombing, here are fifteen telltale signs of love bombing.
While an individual sign does not necessarily mean that your romantic partner is a love bomber, the majority of signs together should raise your red flags:
- “I love you” comes easily to them
All relationships have their own steps, so saying “I love you” early on isn’t necessarily a bad sign. But a mature partner understands that love is something you should think about before you say it.
If your partner wants to skip the normal process of falling in love, he may be a love bomber, or he may just be a hopeless romantic.
What can you do?
When it comes to falling in love with someone, the magic seems real, but the reality is much different.
If someone snaps into your life and you find yourself taken in by them, you’d be right to question the legality of the relationship and your partner’s motives.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust a relationship, but you should be wary of any relationship that seems to come out of nowhere and answers all of your prayers.
It could be too good to be true, and it could be that the person is really trying to blind you so they can manipulate you later.
You will find that over time, their behavior changes and they seem to need things from you instead of making you feel like the special person that you are.
This is the beginning of the end of these narcissistic relationships.
Keep your wits about you and recognize when things move too quickly.
Remember that true love grows slowly and moving fast is not what it’s cracked up to be. Only by moving slowly can an intimate and satisfying relationship develop.
In other words:
Take it slow, respect yourself, love yourself and don’t fall too fast for someone who is so desperate to impress you.
- They always say the right things
Love flings are very experienced with manipulation, so they know how to push the right buttons at exactly the right times.
You feel like they always know exactly what to say at the right moments to make you fall more deeply in love with them, to the point where it feels a little weird.
- It’s so good, it just doesn’t look real
There is no perfect relationship. But for some reason, your relationship with your love bomber is flawless in every way.
They make you feel amazing, special, and loved at all times, especially at the beginning of a relationship. It just doesn’t feel right and you have a suspicion that something else might be going on.
- It’s incredibly fast
On top of saying “I love you” incredibly early in the relationship, they also want to approach other relationship milestones at a fast pace.
Things like meeting the parents, traveling to other countries, moving in together — relationship milestones that would normally take months if not years to build up, a love bomber wants to achieve in days or weeks.
- They live off grand gestures
It seems like you can never have a normal date with your love bomber. Almost every time you see it, there is something new to be surprised about.
Once in a lifetime experiences like riding a hot air balloon, plane tickets to Paris, writing songs or poetry about you – these are natural events in your relationship with them.
- The compliments are endless
You are beautiful, smart, amazing, hilarious, sexy, incredible, incredible, absolutely gorgeous and so much more.
While an occasional flattery is never a bad thing, a love bomber showers its victim in compliments to the point where no compliment from anyone else means anything anymore.
In short, Blasting Love is all about abundance. It’s about making the guy feel overwhelmed by your affection, giving him enough time to move from one sign of affection to the next without ever addressing it.
Some readers may ask, “What makes all this wrong?” You might see love bombing as an overly affectionate partner, and some people like to be pampered and treated like queens.
But the truth is, the good part of love bombing only happens at the beginning, when the love bomber is trying to win over his victim. Once they get what they want, love suddenly disappears.
Finally, it’s their chance to take control.
They will make it look like the champ and without them you will fail. They will often remind you of this in subtle ways.
Here’s what you need to look for:
The main difference between a person who genuinely helps you out of the goodness of their heart and a narcissist is that a real person wouldn’t do much of that.
They focus on helping you and won’t need to get anything out of it. They are not looking for a reaction from you.
The narcissist is just the opposite.
The narcissist will help you while you are expecting to like you. They will tell you what they are doing is nice and helpful.
What can you do?
Watch their reactions when they help you. The narcissist will make it all about how helpful and nice they are, even though the problem is about you.
Related:
- They want you to think they’re the best person you’ve ever dated
Love bombing is all about getting you addicted to them. They want you to like them so they can eventually manipulate you into getting what they want.
They want you to think you can’t do better.
How would a narcissist do this?
They will ask questions about your ex. They will likely insult them and try to make them look like losers.
After all, they are trying to compare themselves and show that they are better. They want you to realize how lucky you are to date them.
They just reduce your self-worth to the level where you are manipulated into thinking that you are really lucky to have it.
What can you do?
If they drop subtle hints about how cool they are, or how much better they are than the previous people you dated, call them out on how self-centered and lame they are.
Watch out for attempts to lower your self-worth. They may put you in a bag and put you down. Let them know why they are wrong and then get the hell out of it!
Don’t fall for these self-serving scams. Love yourself, respect yourself, and don’t let a narcissist lower your self-worth.
(To learn how you can become mentally tough in the face of toxic people and narcissists, check out Hack Spirit’s eBook: The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness)
- They constantly ask about the bad things in your life
The narcissist will do this for several reasons:
1) They want to give you solutions, so they appear to be the champion (as discussed above).
2) They want to lower your self-worth so that you admire them and think how good they are.
3) They want ammunition when they abuse you later in the relationship.
What can you do?
If they keep mentioning your ex, watch out.
A real person will be happy to talk about it, but they won’t always talk about it. There is a time and place for these discussions.
Watch out for it and be suspicious of someone who regularly talks about difficult times in your life. Let them know it’s weird and you’ll get through hell if they don’t stop.
- They are not direct, and they have taken back what they said in the beginning
Love bomb narcissists are concerned about their appearance and will want to impress you.
But here’s the real point:
This means that they will say one thing, and then when they see that your reaction is less than pleasing, they will change what they said.
They suddenly realize that it makes them look bad.
At first, you won’t think much of it. But if it happens constantly, you won’t be able to trust what they say.
They are more interested in how they appear to you than who they are.
The narcissist is not interested in being real or authentic.
They want to appear as the perfect partner so they can eventually manipulate you.
So, here’s what you should keep in mind:
The original statement they made shows who they are.
- They always give you gifts
Now don’t get me wrong. Gifts aren’t exactly a bad thing. But when they do this repeatedly, they are trying to buy your love.
It’s not real.
The real reason they do this is because they want you to feel like you “owe it to them,” which is the ideal scenario for a narcissist.
It is an easy way to buy your love until you fall into the trap of trusting them.
What can you do?
It’s great when someone showers you with gifts and kind gestures, but when there’s an expectation attached to those gifts, feelings get lost, and fear sets in.
If your new love is looking for you to “owe” them for the kind of things they’ve done for you, that kind of defeats the purpose of doing nice things, right?
And it may not be a problem at first, because that’s how these narcissists work: They want you to feel loved so they can make you feel guilty for not returning the favor.
It’s a slippery slope and you might not pick it up right away, but trust us, there’s a catch.
Anyone who lavishes you with gifts and attention “just because” is a suspect with ulterior motives.
This doesn’t mean that everyone will become a loose cannon, but chances are that this person is looking for someone in return beyond a roll in the sheets.
- The emotion you get will be superficial
Love bombardments are superficial in nature, so it only makes sense that the affection they give you would be superficial.
After all, love bombing is just a way to get you invested in them.
What can you do?
Pay attention when they mention aspects of your behavior or personality that are not correct.
Or if they say things like, “You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met” after just two dates.
- They treat others like crap
This is a gold nugget for identifying a narcissist that many people ignore.
If they are a narcissist, they will treat others like crap, especially people who are “lesser” than themselves.
Remember:
This is fairly easy to notice, so pay attention to how they treat others.
For example, when you go to a cafe together, are they rude to the waitress?
If it becomes a pattern, then this is a toxic personality that you need to stay away from.
- Something isn’t right
Get weird vibes from them? As if something isn’t quite right about them? Didn’t they take a hint when I rejected their advances? Do they praise you for things that are not true?
As mentioned above, love bombing is superficial. And when something isn’t real, it just doesn’t feel right.
What can you do?
The truth is, when you feel like something isn’t right, it’s usually not quite right. So trust your instincts and walk away.
You may think that you want someone to be at your beck and call, or you may be dreaming of someone who looks up to you for everything, but when you see this type of relationship in reality, it looks very different from what you thought it would be.
What could have started as romance can quickly turn into discomfort and potential stalking.
A romantic gesture, like sending flowers to your office on a Wednesday is great, but calling three times to see if you got it and what you think of it and to see what your co-workers think of the gesture is weird. Just weird.
Setting boundaries can help with this, but only if you see it as an issue and not just an overly enthusiastic partner.
- You go through a never-ending cycle of emotions
Nothing feels stable in a relationship?
One moment you feel good, then the next you feel like a horrible human being.
This is what a narcissist does. They are skillful manipulators. They will compliment you and make you feel like a great person. Then they will put you down, abuse you, and make you feel like the worst person in the world.
What can you do? If you find yourself experiencing ups and downs like you’ve never experienced before, you need to realize that this is psychological abuse.
