You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells when dealing with a narcissist. You may have been drawn in by their charm and charisma, but over time, you may find yourself exhausted, questioning your self-worth, and constantly trying to appease them. The truth is, narcissists thrive on power dynamics. They skillfully gain control, often without you even realizing it.
To regain control, you must first identify where you may be unknowingly giving away your power. Let’s explore nine ways this can happen and how to reclaim your agency in a relationship.
- Ignore the Red Flags
Narcissists often reveal their true nature early on, but their charm can make it easy to ignore the signs. Ignoring consistent patterns like a lack of empathy, an excessive need for admiration, or manipulative tendencies is a common way people give up power.
Pay attention to these behaviors. Instead of justifying them, acknowledge them for what they are. Awareness is the first step toward empowerment.
- Over-meeting their needs
Do you find yourself constantly prioritizing their needs, even at the expense of your own? Narcissists are experts at making their desires seem like urgent necessities. The more you bend over backwards, the more power you hand them over.
Restore your boundaries by acknowledging that your needs are just as important. Practice saying no when their demands are unreasonable or when meeting them would jeopardize your well-being.
- Seek their validation
Narcissists often position themselves as the ultimate judge of your worth. If you find yourself craving their approval or modifying your actions to avoid their criticism, you’re giving them control over your self-esteem.
Turn the focus inward. Celebrate your accomplishments and validate yourself. The less you rely on their opinions, the more freedom you’ll feel.
- Justifying their behavior
“Nobody’s perfect.” If you’ve used this phrase to justify their hurtful actions, you’re likely enabling their behavior. Narcissists often rely on their partners to justify and normalize their actions, allowing the cycle of manipulation to continue.
Stop justifying their behavior. Hold them accountable for their actions and acknowledge when apologies are just empty words.
See also: 12 Qualities of a Decent Man That a Narcissist Will Never Possess
- Walking on eggshells
Are you constantly monitoring your words and actions to avoid upsetting them? This hypervigilance gives them a disproportionate amount of power over your daily life. Narcissists thrive when they sense that you’re afraid to provoke their reactions.
Start by reclaiming your voice. Express yourself honestly, even if it means they react negatively. Their emotions are their responsibility, not yours.
- Take the blame for their mistakes
A hallmark of narcissistic behavior is blame-shifting. If they never make a mistake and you’re always the one apologizing, you’re carrying an unfair burden.
Refuse to accept blame that doesn’t fall on you. Practice saying, “I don’t agree with that perspective,” or “That’s not my responsibility.”
- Allowing Emotional Manipulation to Confuse You
Emotional manipulation is a powerful tool that narcissists use to make you doubt your perceptions and memories. Statements like “That never happened” or “You’re overreacting” can make you question your reality.
Resist psychological manipulation by keeping a journal of your events and feelings. This practice will help you stay grounded and provide you with evidence to counter their distortions.
- Isolate yourself from support
Narcissists often discourage you from maintaining relationships with friends and family. They may use subtle comments or explicit demands to isolate you, making you even more dependent on them.
Make it a priority to reconnect with your support system. Schedule regular time with your loved ones and tell them what’s going on in your relationship. Isolation only reinforces the narcissist’s control.
- Fear their reactions
Do you avoid conflict or making decisions out of fear of how they will respond? This fear keeps you in a state of submission, giving them unfettered control over your actions.
Empower yourself by confronting this fear. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Expectations are often worse than reality. Practice standing your ground in small ways to build trust over time.
How to Reclaim Your Power
Now that you know how you might be giving away your power, let’s talk about reversing the dynamic.
Set Boundaries
Set clear boundaries and stick to them. Communicate your boundaries firmly and enforce consequences if they are violated.
Focus on Self-Care
Reinvest in your well-being. Participate in activities that bring you joy, pursue hobbies, and prioritize your mental and physical health.
Seek Professional Help
Consider therapy to gain insight and develop strategies for coping with the narcissist. A therapist can also help you rebuild your self-esteem and deal with relationship challenges.
Build a Support Network
Surround yourself with people who uplift and empower you. A strong support system can provide perspective and help you stay grounded.
Consider Your Options
Sometimes, the healthiest option is to remove yourself from the relationship entirely. Evaluate whether staying is in your best interests.
Why Taking Back Your Power Matters
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can erode your sense of self, but it doesn’t have to define you. By recognizing these power dynamics and taking proactive steps, you can regain control and restore balance to your life.
Remember, taking back your power isn’t just about confronting them; it’s about rediscovering your inner strength and learning how to prioritize your needs. You deserve a relationship that lifts you up and supports you, not one that diminishes you.
See also: 7 Reasons Why Going No Contact with a Narcissist Feels Impossible
