People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be found in all walks of life.

Sometimes you may find yourself working for or living with them (a spouse, sibling, or parent); you may find that you have to put up with their presence because you have no viable option to leave – at least not at the time.

Living with a narcissist can be sad and frustrating, and their behavior can be both charming and terrifying.

A narcissist can be charming, romantic, and funny…or they can be arrogant, deceitful, hurtful, and mean.

Some people can handle the rollercoaster ride, but many others find it difficult to maintain a relationship with a narcissist.

Dependency and Narcissism

People who are “dependent” but do not have a personality disorder (such as borderline personality disorder or narcissism) can find themselves in a perfectly normal, if somewhat painful, narcissistic relationship.

The codependent also suffers from low self-esteem, but his self-esteem is enhanced by the narcissist’s extroverted personality and the aura of success that surrounds him.

Furthermore, low self-esteem allows him to tolerate the abuse of the narcissist.

They feel guilty when they assert their own needs and love/care for the narcissist which makes them feel appreciated.

This also suits them perfectly because the codependent does not feel that he deserves to receive love for the person he is, only for what he gives or does.

Another common “successful” narcissistic relationship is the relationship with an adult who was raised by a narcissistic parent.

Children of narcissists often choose a narcissist as a partner. Given their childhood experiences, it seems natural to them – and psychologically comfortable – to be manipulated by a handsome, charming, domineering and abusive lover.

When a person realizes that he is living with a narcissist, he has several options.

The first option is to leave the relationship, the second is to restrict the relationship (for example if one parent no longer lives in the same household), and the other option is to stay in the relationship.

See also Warning Signs on a First Date: How to Spot a Narcissist Early

If they choose to stay in the relationship and are emotionally vulnerable to the narcissist, they must learn coping skills in order to survive and maintain their mental/emotional health.

How to Deal with a Narcissist When Leaving Is Not an Option

Develop a Support System

People outside of the immediate family are often so enchanted by the narcissist’s charm that they find it difficult to believe that your personal experiences are so different from theirs;

This can lead to feelings of misunderstanding and isolation.

Reach out to others and develop a support system of adults who are not affected in any way by narcissistic behavior.

They may have narcissistic family members, they may have been hurt or manipulated by a narcissist, or they may have never met your narcissist or their charm.

EnforceBoundaries

Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing just because you’re asked to.

Be consistent and firm with your needs, desires, and limitations.

Let the narcissist deal with their disappointment when their desires aren’t met.

Be aware of your own boundaries, needs, qualms, and aspirations. Communicate these clearly to the narcissist and be consistent when enforcing them.

CreateWin-Win Solutions

Narcissists demand that those around them perform inconsistent tasks or behaviors and then become angry when their demands aren’t met.

Develop win-win solutions and implement them repeatedly; The narcissist will eventually get tired of their unwinnable positions and abandon them for another means of getting what they want.

You can go to “conflict resolution” sites for details on how to develop win-win solutions.

Manage Emotional Outbursts

Neither partner should be allowed to treat the other with disrespect.

Sometimes, you will feel annoyed with each other and need to blow off steam.

If one partner needs to vent their feelings, that person should take responsibility for those feelings, not blame the other for “making” them feel that way.

If someone speaks to you angrily or disrespectfully, stop the behavior immediately.

Let the way you are being treated be the problem. If necessary, walk away, letting the other know that you will gladly pick up where you left off when you are treated with respect.

Recognize When You Are Being “Manipulated”

If a narcissist says something and then denies it or claims they said something when they didn’t, and blames you for not listening or having a poor memory,

you are likely being manipulated. This can make you question your sanity.

Narcissists do this to throw you off balance, although sometimes they are simply responding to their need in the moment, and forgetting what they said earlier.

Learn Negotiation Skills

Learn more about negotiation skills (they will help you in all areas of life).

Know what is negotiable and what is not. You may not like some behaviors but they won’t change your life if you let them go.

However, if you let everything go, you will find yourself in a situation that is simply unbearable.

Just because a narcissist wants something doesn’t mean they need to get it or if they express themselves forcefully doesn’t mean you should give in.

Maintain Your Self-Esteem

Narcissists tend to cater to their needs and don’t care about yours;

This behavior with all the criticism can lead to a loss of self-esteem, a loss of confidence in yourself, and a lack of trust in your own judgment.

You need to maintain your self-esteem by giving yourself something that the narcissist will not give you – positive reinforcement.

Say kind things to yourself, congratulate yourself on big and small accomplishments, remind yourself that you have good judgment, and spend time with others who appreciate you.

Don’t Keep Secrets

One of the hardest things you can do is be honest with others about the narcissist’s behavior in your life.

You may feel embarrassed or ashamed, especially if you’re covering for it.

But don’t isolate yourself—find a friend or family member you can trust.

You may also want to seek professional help to help you build your coping and resilience skills.

Learn How to Understand a Narcissist

Watch and learn a narcissist’s body language. A narcissist’s body language can reveal emotions he or she is trying to hide (for example, anger at not getting enough attention or submission from others).

You can watch for anger in a narcissist’s face when something is said that might be perceived as criticism or a threat to his or her authority.

If you can learn his or her body language, you may be able to alleviate some of the emotional turmoil and enhance his or her positive feelings or associations.

Learn How to Spot the Red Flags

While not all narcissists are prone to physical violence, enough are worth keeping an eye on if the narcissist shows some warning signs.

Possible red flags that may indicate physical violence:

• Possessive or controlling behavior
• Verbal abuse
• Constant criticism
• Unjustified control over family finances
• Isolation from family and friends