Suffering a broken heart can be one of the worst experiences of our lives. This type of loss often makes us question ourselves and the world around us. It’s raw and painful and can sometimes feel downright hopeless.

But what else happens when you feel heart pain? After all, it’s not just about your feelings being turned upside down. The chemicals in your brain — and the way your brain communicates with the rest of your body — are undergoing massive changes.

Learning about the relationship between the limbic system and love can help you understand your feelings. This insight can develop the ability to heal from your pain.

Let’s go to it.

What does the limbic system do?

The limbic system is the part of the brain associated with emotional and behavioral responses. It is one of the oldest and most primitive parts, and for this reason it is closely linked to survival. Without this part, it won’t work. Besides survival instincts, it regulates basic tasks such as mood, hunger and sex drive.

Amygdala

The amygdala is responsible for dealing with fear and danger. The amygdala works hard to search for potential threats in the environment. When it detects a threat, it prepares the body to respond, thus triggering your fight-or-flight responses.

Naturally, the amygdala has developed significantly over time. In the past, we needed this part of the brain to detect whether a wild animal might kill and eat us. Nowadays, of course, this is not a fear that plagues us on a regular basis.

However, the amygdala is likely responsible for why many people feel fear in situations such as dark rooms, spiders, heights, and very crowded places. The brain wants to protect us from life-threatening conditions. So when it assumes that something dangerous might happen, it triggers a feeling of fear. This fear helps you act quickly and successfully.

Hippocampus

The hippocampus helps with memory and emotional processing. In addition, this part of the brain supports the “encoding” of new associations. For example, you associate the smell of sunscreen with summer and an old song with your friends in high school.

Thus, the hippocampus is constantly involved in absorbing, learning, and integrating new information. We have millions of associations that we bring together unconsciously. The hippocampus preserves these elements and helps us draw meaningful connections in everyday life.

Thalamus and hypothalamus

The thalamus serves as a crucial communication device within the brain. It receives and transmits essential information and essentially tells the rest of the body what to do next. It is also responsible for functions such as sleep, wakefulness, and wakefulness.

The hypothalamus supports balance. Each person has a specific “threshold” for systems such as hunger, body temperature, and fatigue. The hypothalamus aims to achieve this balance, and will send messages to other parts of the brain to support regulation.

How do toxic relationships lead to dysregulation of the limbic system?

While limbic connections are important for fostering healthy relationships, they can make it difficult to leave toxic relationships.

For example, let’s say you endured an emotionally abusive relationship. Your partner is vindictive and spiteful. They criticized you a lot. They gaslight your reality and make you feel like you are incompetent and worthless.

Your amygdala may have interpreted this dynamic as scary, but you continued to ignore its signals (as we often do in such relationships). As a result, the amygdala may be hypervigilant when interacting with others in the future. Or he may not respond at all, which explains why many people repeat abusive patterns.

The hippocampus may have created toxic and unhelpful associations, such that love must involve some conflict, or that if someone compliments me, I should be suspicious that they will turn against me the next moment. Because these connections seem so realistic, they can pave an unhealthy path for future relationships.

It is important to note that these experiences are not your fault. You didn’t make yourself feel or think a certain way. The brain is simply concerned with survival and self-protection. Therefore, he will do what he has to do to try to avoid further risks.

What does love do to the limbic system?

Falling in love can be magical, all-consuming, and terrifying all at the same time. This is because your brain is, quite literally, in overdrive when this happens.

The neuroscience of falling in love shows that the brain secretes extraordinary amounts of dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and oxytocin. The combination of these hormones can mimic a drug-like euphoria. Some research even shows that your amygdala shuts down during this time, meaning you don’t feel the fear you normally would.

This intoxicating feeling explains why we often cannot sleep, think, or even function well during those first few weeks. This also explains why we often think new partners are so perfect – we can’t see any of their flaws or potential warning signs.

Eventually, the hormonal tidal wave wanes, leaving you feeling new in balance with your partner. In a healthy relationship, this balance entails a sense of mutual respect, excitement for spending time together, and deep friendship.

In more toxic relationships, this balance tends to be messy and inconsistent — “normal” consists of conflict, tension, and intense emotions. People with narcissistic personality disorder have reduced gray matter volume in areas of the brain associated with empathy, which prevents them from forming an emotional or limbic bond with others, including their children. This is also the reason why they do not feel separation grief as normal people do.

Narcissists do not attach themselves to others, which is why they can easily form new relationships, while their exes are left to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts for months or years.

How does heartbreak affect the limbic system?

In the most basic sense, heartbreak triggers deep-rooted fears of survival. think about it. Have you ever assumed that you would be unlovable or lonely forever after a relationship ends? Have you ever thought that you would be completely doomed without your ex? If so, it means your limbic system is holding on to fear, and that fear feels very real.

Those legitimate fears hit the most primitive and vulnerable parts of ourselves. This is why a breakup can be so devastating and why most of us struggle to move on. We don’t want to face the part of our brain that tells us that without this person, everything would be bad.

Unfortunately, as you probably know, the mind can play tricks on you. No matter how bad things were with your ex, it’s normal to fantasize and romanticize the best parts of your relationship once it’s over.

You may find yourself desperately longing for this relationship, even if you know it needs to end. Unfortunately, this longing often leads to irrational actions that keep you tied to the past.

In many ways, the limbic system can keep people attached to their exes. Any form of connection, especially when it’s physical, stimulates the same feel-good hormones. That’s why breaking off sex — even after a breakup — can be so difficult.

The brain interprets those experiences as pleasurable and begins to crave them. This is why you may continue to text, spend time, or even sleep with your ex despite your best intentions to move on.

Limbic System and Love: How Can You Move Forward?

Breaking up isn’t easy, but you’re only reinforcing brain confusion if you keep going back and forth. In addition, the brain will continue to support negative messages about loneliness and the inability to love.

Remember, your limbic system is very intelligent, but it is also very primitive. It focuses on staying in the moment to keep you alive. This does not mean that it inherently promotes the best decisions.

Of course, for now, staying with your ex might be a good thing. But in the long run, this decision only leads to more pain and problems.

Fortunately, you can overcome your limbic system. However, doing so requires repeated actions focused on moving forward with your life. In most cases, this means adopting a no-contact approach with your ex. Over time, your mind will catch up to reinforce your decisions. It may only take a few weeks or months.

Can you heal your brain from trauma?

Sometimes, we all feel like victims of our past. It can be scary to assume that past trauma will determine your current and future performance.

Fortunately, in most cases, you can reverse changes in the amygdala, hippocampus, and greater limbic system. You can also create healthy connections between the limbic system and love. The brain is neuroplastic and can encode new ways of thinking through practice, effort, and consistency.

However, overcoming trauma is not easy. It takes conscious efforts to change your ways of thinking and responding. It also entails ending contact with your ex. If your brain gets a boost of positivity, it’s more likely to hold on to that feeling. It’s no different than an alcoholic who needs to avoid taking a sip of his favorite strong drink.

Remember, healing takes time, but you can intentionally choose to commit to moving forward. You can decide to stop talking to your ex, searching for them online, or thinking about memories. You can also plan to engage in actions that make you feel better, such as accessing positive support, practicing healthy self-care, and focusing on more self-compassion.

Your mind is not the sum of the trauma you have endured. In many ways, it is a sponge that absorbs different messages, experiences, and reactions. So try to focus on how to absorb quality things moving forward.

I cover applications and theories in all of these areas in my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery program.
Begin the healing stages after narcissistic abuse

One of my greatest passions is helping people who were previously victims become empowered. If you’re ready for this amazing upswing, the best thing you can do is join the Break Free community.

My best recommendation is to find an online program to keep you on track and support you. The Break Free program has been examined by therapists and neuropsychologists as an effective step toward overcoming narcissistic abuse. Aside from protecting you from narcissists, it also enables you to go out into the world with confidence.