Suffering from a broken heart can be one of the worst experiences in our life. This kind of loss often makes us question ourselves and the world around us. It’s raw, painful, and can, at times, feel downright hopeless.

But what else is at play when you’re experiencing heartache? After all, it’s not just about turning your feelings inside out. The chemicals in your brain — and the way your brain communicates with the rest of your body — also undergo massive changes.

Learning about the connection between the limbic system and love can help you understand your feelings. This insight can cultivate the ability to heal your pain.

Let’s go to her.

What does the limbic system do?
The limbic system is the part of the brain associated with emotional and behavioral responses. It is one of the oldest and most primitive parts – which is why it is so closely associated with survival. Without this part, it will not work. Along with survival instincts, it regulates basic functions such as mood, hunger, and sex drive.

amygdala;
The amygdala is responsible for dealing with fear and danger. The amygdala works hard to scan for potential threats in the environment. When it detects a threat, it prepares the body to respond, thus triggering your fight-or-flight reflexes.

Of course, the amygdala has evolved significantly over time. Back in the day, we needed this part of the brain to detect if a wild animal would kill and eat us. Nowadays, of course, this is not a fear that afflicts us on a regular basis.

However, the amygdala is likely responsible for why many people experience fear in situations such as dark rooms, spiders, heights, and overly crowded spaces. The brain wants to protect us from life-threatening conditions. So when he assumes that something dangerous could happen, he triggers a feeling of fear. This fear helps you to respond quickly and successfully.

Hippocampus
The hippocampus helps with memory and emotional processing. In addition, this part of the brain supports new “coding” associations. For example, he associates the smell of sunscreen with summer and an old song with your high school friends.

With this said, the hippocampus is constantly involved in the assimilation, learning and consolidation of new information. We have millions of associations that we unconsciously put together. The hippocampus maintains this and helps us form meaningful connections in everyday life.

Thalamus and Hypothalamus

The thalamus acts as a critical communicator within the brain. It receives and relays key information and basically tells the rest of the body what to do next. It is also responsible for functions such as sleep, wakefulness, and wakefulness.

The hypothalamus supports homeostasis. Everyone has a “set threshold” for systems such as hunger, body temperature, and fatigue. The hypothalamus aims for this balance, and it will send messages to other parts of the brain to support regulation.

How do toxic relationships lead to dysregulation of the limbic system?
While limbic connections are important for strengthening healthy relationships, they can also make it difficult to leave toxic relationships.

For example, let’s say you endure an emotionally abusive relationship. Your partner is vengeful and spiteful. They criticized you a lot. They light up your reality and make you feel like you’re incompetent and worthless.

The amygdala may have interpreted this dynamic as fearful, but you continued to ignore its signals (as we tend to do in such relationships). As a result, the amygdala may be hypervigilant when interacting with others in the future. Or you may not respond completely, which explains why so many people repeat abusive patterns.

Perhaps the hippocampus has created unhelpful, toxic associations like love that must involve some inconsistency, or if someone compliments me I need to suspect that they will turn on me the next moment. Because these associations seem so realistic, they can pave an unhealthy path for future relationships.

It is important to note that these experiences are not your fault. You don’t make yourself feel or think a certain way. The brain is simply concerned with survival and self-protection. Therefore, you will do what you need to do to try to avoid further danger.

What does love do to the limbic system?

Falling in love can feel all at once mesmerizing, consuming, and terrifying. This is because your brain is, literally, in overdrive when that happens.

The neuroscience of falling in love shows that the brain releases extraordinary amounts of dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, and oxytocin. The combination of these hormones can mimic a drug-like orgasm. Some research even shows that your amygdala turns off during this time, which means you don’t feel the fear you normally do.

This intoxicating feeling explains why we can’t sleep, think, or even function well during those first few weeks. It also explains why we often think new partners are just perfect — we can’t see any potential flaws or red flags they have.

Eventually, the hormonal tidal wave wanes, leaving you feeling a new balance with your partner. In a healthy relationship, this balance entails a sense of mutual respect, an excitement for spending time together, and a deep friendship.

In more toxic relationships, this balance tends to be messy and inconsistent — the “normal” consists of conflict, tension, and intense emotions. People with narcissistic personality disorder have decreased gray matter volume in areas of the brain associated with empathy, which prevents them from forming an emotional or limbic bond with others, including their children. This is also why they don’t suffer from breakup heartbreak like normal people.

Narcissists do not bond with others, which is why they can easily form new relationships, while their former partners are left to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts for months or years.

How does heartbreak affect the limbic system?

In a basic sense, heartbreak triggers deep-seated fears of survival. think about it. Did you ever assume that you would be forever unlovable or lonely after a relationship ended? Have you ever thought that you would be completely doomed without your ex? If so, then it is your limbic system that is holding onto the fear, and that fear feels very real.

Those valid fears hit the most primitive and vulnerable parts of ourselves. This is why a breakup can be so devastating and why most of us struggle to move on. We don’t want to confront that part of our brain that tells us that without this person, everything would be bad.

Unfortunately, as you probably know, the mind can play tricks on you. No matter how awful things were with your ex, it’s only natural to imagine and romanticize all the best aspects of your relationship once it’s over.

You may find yourself craving the relationship intensely, even if you know it needs to end. Unfortunately, this longing often leads to irrational actions that make you attached to the past.

In many ways, the limbic system can keep people attached to their ex. Any form of connection, especially when it’s physical, triggers the same feel-good hormones. This is why cutting off sex — even after a breakup — can be so difficult.

The brain interprets these experiences as pleasurable and essentially begins to crave them. This is why you may continue to text, hang out, or even sleep with your ex — despite your best intentions for moving on.

The limbic system and love: how do you move forward?
Breaking up isn’t easy, but you only enhance brain confusion if you keep going back and forth. In addition, the brain will only continue to sustain negative messages about loneliness and the inability to love.

Remember, your limbic system is very smart, but also very primitive. It focuses on surviving in the moment to keep you alive. This is not to say that it inherently promotes the best decisions.

Of course, for the time being, you may feel good about staying with your ex. But in the long run, this decision only leads to more pain and problems.