Moving on from toxic friendships.. letting friends go
Have you ever been friends with someone for, like, forever, and then something changed?
What used to be a two-way friendship is suddenly one-way traffic and it’s draining your life away.
It’s all about them.
Their day, their problems, their issues.
You don’t get anything in return.
However, you still try to please people.
Related: Recovery From Abusive Relationships: How Long Does It Take?
You say:
Yes, I would like to come!
At the event, you’d rather poke pins in your eyes than be in attendance.
Because you think if you say no, they will hate you for it and then you will hate yourself.
We accept breakups as a normal part of life.
The breakup of a friendship can be equally painful, but it is sometimes important to our well-being.
I was once a close friend of someone for a long time.
Gradually I felt that the friendship was becoming more and more one-sided.
It was draining me.
It was all about her and she started to please people.
Try to be a rescuer and help solve her problems, make her better.
It has become a certified friendship.
I was so focused on her needs and taking care of her I was forgetting my own.
It was stressful trying to maintain that friendship all the time.
I remember calling her and saying:
I’m sorry I haven’t phoned in a few weeks
She responded that during that time her relative almost died or her child suffered from this or other problem.
There was always some drama that I missed.
I felt guilty and thought:
Oh my God, I should have graduated.
Look at all the heartache she went through!
After a while, I thought:
Wait a minute.
Why didn’t you call me before?
It’s time to move on.
There was a time in my career when I was so successful and everyone wanted to be my friend.
Everyone wanted a piece of me when I was flying high.
Then I started my own company and Wham! The recession hit and it was really hard.
I had to decide to close that company.
All that shimmer and sparkle around me just kind of faded away.
Suddenly many people disappeared.
You know who your friends are when you’re down because they’re the ones who stick around.
It made me realize that I had to value my friendships just as one does relationships.
I realized that my self-esteem and self-respect should not depend on those friendships and pleasing my people to gain their approval.
Friendships should be about improving your life and enhancing your life.
Being close to someone whose values are true with the same core values as you.
Sometimes it’s not a bad idea to evaluate and look at the people around you.
