There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with a man who only thinks about himself. You know this guy, he’s the one who constantly needs attention; whose ego hurts at the slightest criticism; Who always needs to get his way whether it’s choosing a restaurant or deciding which side of the bed to sleep on.
But is this delicate ego hiding something more sinister underneath? Could he be a narcissist?
Or is he just selfish?
It’s a dilemma when you love someone like that. If you’re looking for the facts, Google claims there are fewer than 200,000 cases in the United States (this link will open a Google fact sheet, if you’re interested), making narcissism very rare among psychiatric disorders. However, being called a narcissist is something we seem to ignore when we want to call someone a selfish asshole… even when that label is largely a misnomer.
There are many reasons why we should stop doing this.
First, it minimizes what is happening. When someone behaves badly towards you, if there is a “label” that prevents them from paying reasonable consequences for their actions, you can never expect that person to change. In fact, by using the sticker, you can create your own magical “get out of jail free” card because it’s out of their control.
“I couldn’t help myself, my dear…”
silly.
Hiding selfish behavior behind a label gives the perpetrator an excuse to get away with his actions. The only way to prevent this is to stop using simple labels to hide complex behaviors and get to the root of what is happening. This is the only way you will truly know if this is a relationship you should stay in or leave.
The bottom line is that there is no cure for true narcissism. Some doctors believe that people can grow out of it as they get older due to societal pressures on people to conform and “be nice.” But more often than not, if you can get rid of your narcissism, you probably weren’t a true narcissist to begin with.
Is your man a narcissist or just selfish?
We’ve allowed our experts to comment. Melanie Gorman, Senior Vice President at YourTango, sat down with renowned biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher; Therapist and life/love/relationship coach Marcy Telander; Psychotherapist, coach, and author Ross Rosenberg; And the connection helps physician Dr. Roberta Schaller get to the bottom of what’s going on with this often misnamed term.
After watching, tell us what you think in the comments.
Dr. Roberta Schaller offers support to anyone in a high-conflict relationship, and Marcy Telander offers compassionate treatment to individuals and couples in need. Contact us if you or someone you love needs help dealing with a narcissist.
