You may feel like you’ve processed, and even accepted, the most painful breakup you’ve ever been through. And even though it’s been longer than you were in the relationship… you’re still wondering, “Has my ex forgotten about me?”
You know you shouldn’t care… you don’t really… but you do… but not in this way, but… whatever.
You need to know.
Rebound relationships always remind me of those online quizzes and lists that cater to emotionally vulnerable individuals who wonder, “Has my ex forgotten about me?” It’s quite entertaining. Here’s the fun part: Even if your ex is dating someone new or acting like you never existed, that doesn’t necessarily mean he or she has dumped you. So if you’re frustrated because your “Has my ex forgotten about me?” quiz or list left you with no boxes to check, take a deep breath. Just as a disease can lurk without any visible symptoms, the question “Has my ex forgotten about me?” It goes deeper than the outward signs of one’s lingering feelings.
Related : How To Get Over Someone Who Broke Your Heart
Even after I got over previous relationships, I always wondered at some point…
“Has my ex forgotten about me?” “Is he struggling like me after a breakup or am I the only one? Did I have an idea?”
You too?
Let’s get this straight…
“Has my ex forgotten about me?”
Years ago, when I was going through a breakup, I remember feeling so upset and hurt that I hadn’t heard from my ex. He was perfect, except that he was emotionally unavailable and had no empathy. I still wanted to hear from him, though. I needed to remind him in the form of likes on social media, texts, calls, flowers, smoke signals, and sad voicemails that his life was unbearable without me. I was so desperate that I would have settled for a drunk phone. I just needed some kind of confirmation that I wasn’t forgotten as his silence made me feel.
Despite the fact that I could have had a better relationship by talking to a wall for seven months, my need to talk things out and get it over with got the better of me. I ended up calling him and embarrassing myself. I desperately needed him to know that I meant something to him, that I missed him, and that he hadn’t met anyone better who would make him happier.
I hated that the person I gave my everything to didn’t come back to me in any way.
I hated that my absence didn’t make him want to change.
I hated that I wasn’t good enough for him to remember me, miss me, and acknowledge me.
I hated that I gave him another chance. (I had gotten emotionally and physically attached to him after the breakup and was hurt/humiliated again.)
I hated that Mr. Big came back for Carrie. I hated that this always happened in the movies and with all my other friends but never happened to me.
If you are wondering “Has my ex forgotten about me?” and your ex is emotionally unavailable/narcissistic and consistently treats you poorly in your relationship… you need to understand that your ex was never truly invested or cared for in the way you deserved. He/she is incapable of that. You can’t truly get over something you aren’t truly invested in.
Your ex is incapable of truly investing. Trying to get answers from him/her is pointless.
That’s like saying you’d rather go to a dog groomer to get the perfect haircut and color than go to the best hair salon in Beverly Hills. You’d rather have your hairstyle evaluated by a dog groomer than by someone trained and specialized in human hair. You’re upset because the groomer doesn’t acknowledge your haircut/color and you feel like your value has been diminished because he/she notices dog hair more than your own. Seeking answers and closure from an emotionally unavailable ex after a breakup is pointless and unreasonable.
Related : How to Forget About Your Ex, Bounce Back, and Move On
If you find yourself wondering “Has my ex forgotten about me?” you’re looking for someone who can’t prove themselves to you. You can’t give what you don’t have. If I don’t have a dollar, I can’t give it away.
I’ve had so many women tell me, “But Natasha, you gave him so much love in the relationship!” No, you didn’t.
To give true, authentic love, you have to have it for yourself first. And if you had any self-love, the relationship you’re trying to get over would never have gotten this far (or gotten worse after a few dates that included a slew of red flags as the main course). I’m not saying you didn’t love him. I’m saying that your unconditional love for him means your conditional love for yourself. I’m saying that your love for him means that you can’t love yourself enough to act like your boundaries have been crossed.
So, “Is my ex over me?”…
If he doesn’t reach out to you, it doesn’t mean he’s over you or that he doesn’t care about you. He could still be hurting and missing you. He does care about you, but by not reaching out… he doesn’t care the way you want and deserve.
If he doesn’t reach out to you, it’s because he can’t take responsibility and doesn’t want to take responsibility for anything.
It has nothing to do with you or your worth. If he tries to make you feel this way, it’s only because he’s banking on the hope that you’re still broken enough to think that an adult’s flaws indicate your lack of worth.
Confidence, boundaries, honesty, and kindness are all things that turn on the right men and women. And those qualities always trump the superficiality of winning the genetic lottery. You still don’t realize your worth or you wouldn’t be wondering, “Did my ex forget about me?”
If you don’t value yourself, you’ll waste your life waiting for people to “save” you, believe you, and love you again.
Ultimately, we attract what we exude (and need to work on). That’s why people who come into our lives are sometimes referred to as “lessons.”
Remember: the only person whose honesty you’ll never be able to live without is your own.
The girl/guy who’s always having a hard time getting over; The person who always ends up being compared to everyone else is the one who decided (even if that decision came after a lot of mistakes and embarrassments) that enough is enough. The one who spoke with his actions and the one who decided, despite his sadness, that his iconic hairstyle no longer needed to be seen by the neighborhood pet groomer.
