Have you ever found yourself questioning someone’s behavior? Maybe they’re always talking about themselves. Or maybe they seem to lack empathy when you’re going through something tough. But here’s the big question: Are they a narcissist or just selfish?

It’s not uncommon to confuse narcissistic traits with selfish tendencies. While they can overlap, there are key differences that set them apart. This guide will help you understand these differences and spot red flags like a pro.

So, let’s dive into the five simple ways to tell if they’re a little selfish or if you’re dealing with a narcissist.

1. The Motivation Behind Their Actions

A selfish person often puts themselves first, but their behavior isn’t necessarily malicious. They may genuinely care about others but simply lack the awareness to balance their needs with yours. For example, if you’re upset, a selfish person may inadvertently ignore your feelings because they’re preoccupied with their own problems.

A narcissist, on the other hand, acts out of a need for control or validation. Every action is calculated to benefit them, even if it hurts others. Narcissists thrive on admiration and often manipulate situations to keep the spotlight on themselves.

How do you know the difference? Notice how they react when you need support. A selfish person may fail to show up but later apologize. However, the narcissist will shift blame or even accuse you of being too needy.

2. Their Ability to Empathize

Empathy is a key factor that separates narcissists from selfish individuals. A selfish person may have moments of insensitivity, but they are still able to feel for others when it really matters. They may not always prioritize your needs, but they are still able to connect with your emotions on a fundamental level.

However, narcissists struggle with—or completely reject—empathy. They may feign concern when it suits their image, but true empathy is often lacking. Instead, they may invalidate your feelings or turn the conversation to themselves.

Here’s a test: Share a personal story that’s important to you. The selfish person may eventually ask questions or show some interest, even if it’s late in the conversation. Narcissist? Expect rejection, superiority, or a complete lack of engagement.

3. How They Handle Criticism

Selfish individuals may not enjoy criticism, but they usually tolerate it once they calm down. They may complain or become defensive at first, but eventually realize the value of constructive feedback. For example, if you point out that they interrupt you a lot, a selfish person may argue at first but later try to improve.

But narcissists are overly sensitive to criticism. Even simple suggestions can trigger a strong reaction. They may attack you, accuse you of being ungrateful, or twist the situation to make themselves the victim. This hypersensitivity stems from their low self-esteem, which they hide behind a facade of confidence.

Related : 7 Eye-Opening Truths You Discover After Escaping a Narcissist

Pay attention to how he reacts when you express dissatisfaction. Does he acknowledge your feelings and try to make things better? Or does he explode, retreat into silence, or blame you for bringing up the subject?

4. Relationship Patterns

One of the clearest ways to identify a narcissist is to look at patterns in his relationships. Selfish people can maintain meaningful relationships, even if they sometimes prioritize themselves. Their relationships may be strained at times, but they don’t leave a trail of broken connections in their wake.

On the other hand, narcissists often have a history of unstable relationships. They may charm people at first, but their lack of empathy and manipulative tendencies eventually push others away. If he’s disconnected from friends or exes and blames everyone but himself, that could be a red flag.

Ask yourself: Does he have a network of healthy, long-term relationships? Or does he constantly argue with others and portray himself as the hero no one understands?

5. Does he need constant validation?

Everyone enjoys a little appreciation, but there’s a difference between wanting appreciation and demanding constant validation. A selfish person may occasionally seek out compliments or brag about their accomplishments, but they don’t rely on others to fuel their self-esteem. A narcissist, on the other hand, craves admiration like oxygen. They may exaggerate their accomplishments, seek praise in subtle or overt ways, and feel frustrated without constant validation. Worse, they may put others down to lift themselves up.

Pay attention to how he acts in groups. Does he let others share the spotlight, or does he dominate the conversation and direct it back to himself? His need for validation can be a telltale sign.

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Why does it matter?

Understanding the difference between narcissism and selfishness is crucial to your emotional well-being. While selfish people can grow and change, narcissists often refuse to acknowledge their flaws. Building a healthy relationship with a narcissist is extremely difficult, as they rarely take responsibility for their actions.

If you’re dealing with a selfish person, open communication can help. Tell them how their actions affect you and see if they’re willing to make changes. With a narcissist, however, setting firm boundaries is essential.

What to do if you suspect narcissism

If you think they’re a narcissist, protect your emotional energy. Here’s how:

Educate yourself: Learn more about narcissistic behavior to spot manipulative tactics.

Set boundaries: Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate. Stick to those boundaries, even if they try to resist.

Related : Healing After a Narcissist: Your Path to Freedom

Focus on self-care: Surround yourself with supportive people and prioritize activities that make you feel good.

Consider getting professional help: Therapy can help you deal with the complexities of dealing with a narcissist, especially if the relationship is unavoidable.

Finally

Determining whether they’re a narcissist or just selfish isn’t always easy, but paying attention to their motivations, empathy, and behavior patterns can provide clarity. Remember, it’s not your job to fix them—your responsibility is to protect your own safety.