Your friends have warned you, your relatives have advised against it, and your instincts have always felt a little off, but through thick and thin, you’ve stuck with your partner.

But finally, after seeing the signs and reviewing your past, you are now asking yourself: Am I in a relationship with a narcissist?

It can be difficult to come to terms with the realization that you are in a relationship with a narcissist.

Not only does it mean that you have to carefully begin to monitor every interaction you have with your partner, but you also have to make the difficult decision to leave them or move on with them.

In this article, we discuss the three steps needed to handle your relationship with a narcissist: understanding the relationship, knowing what you want to do, making your choice and doing it right.

The first step: understand the relationship
How to know if your partner is a narcissist: obvious traits and signs
The worst thing you can do is mistakenly accuse your partner of being a narcissist. It is important to establish the facts before making any major changes to your relationship.

There are many relationships where one or both partners show signs of narcissism, but showing some signs often does not indicate that you or your partner may be a narcissist.

What anyone who suspects their partner may be a narcissist must understand is that narcissism is defined by a pattern or series of behaviors, not an isolated incident here and there.

Narcissism is not one or two events. It is a personal set that a person performs consciously or subconsciously.

So what makes a person a narcissist?

At the core of any narcissist, there is a void of self-worth. They have a lack of self-confidence that causes them deep pain and they do whatever it takes to ignore and drown out that insecurity.

Their self-loving behavior is ultimately the result of a need to be trusted and to be loved by those around them, because at the root of their personalities, they don’t believe they deserve to be loved – by themselves or anyone else.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder and personality disorder that has been described in the psychological and mental health literature.

In essence, NPD can be seen as a combination of the following personality traits:

1) Poor emotional empathy: Narcissists have great difficulty reading other people’s emotions. They simply don’t know how to feel bad for others in ways most of us do on a daily basis

2) Single-minded: Narcissists believe that their thoughts, ideas, and opinions are the only valid choices and mindsets. They find those who disagree with them crazy, and when their opinions are attacked, they are subject to personal abuse.

3) Entitlement: Narcissists believe their wants and needs are just as important to others as they are to themselves. They don’t understand why others don’t prioritize them and their needs.

4) Ancestral: Just as narcissists find it difficult to register the feelings of others, they also have difficulty registering different levels of feelings in themselves.

Small issues and big issues are the same for narcissists – if something is holding them back, they will respond with the same force and violence as if it were the biggest tragedy or insult.

If you suspect your partner may be clinically suffering from NPD, here are some of the key signs most narcissists in a long-term relationship will display:

They talk in threats: When they lose an argument or want you to change your mind, they often threaten to leave the relationship, hurt you in some way, or conspire with other people against you.

They believe they are destined for great things: They believe that they cannot be compared to other people because they are born for greater things. Even if they haven’t achieved anything great in life, they have an overwhelming feeling that something great is going to happen to them.

They are highly emotional: Narcissists can go from sweetest of lovers to most hated and bitter enemies in the blink of an eye. Emotions don’t seem to make sense around them – they just play by their own rules.

They constantly manipulate: It can be almost impossible to recognize when you’re in the middle of a relationship with a master manipulator, but narcissists are masters at manipulation. They can make people do whatever they want, when they want.

• They guilt you: Narcissists love to use your conscience against you. If there was anything in their past with them that they could use to manipulate you, they would dig it up and shove it down your throat.

How could you fall in love with a narcissist?
So you’re starting to suspect that you’ve been with a narcissist this whole time, and you’re starting to wonder: How could I not know?

We understand that you may feel shy and even embarrassed; It’s like opening your eyes for the first time in a long time and seeing something that everything around you already knew about.

But there’s no reason to beat yourself up for it — as we’ll discuss later in the article, narcissists aren’t necessarily bad people.

In most cases, narcissists are not aware of what they are doing, because it feels like a normal life. Falling in love with a narcissist is like falling in love with someone who has some bad traits.

Here are some of the most common reasons people fall in love with narcissists:

1) Narcissists can sometimes be pretty amazing people.
Narcissists are master manipulators, which means they have to develop very positive traits to get people to do what they want.

Many narcissists have high levels of intelligence, hold strong positions in their careers and society, lead fun-filled lives, have a great sense of humor, and know how to take care of their bodies and appearance.

With these traits put together, a narcissist can make the perfect partner.

2) Narcissists have an intoxicating charm.
A narcissist may have a hard time reading other people’s emotions, but they certainly understand how to manipulate their own feelings when they want to.

When a narcissist chooses someone to be their partner, they know what it takes to make that person feel chosen, wanted, and extra special.

You can get intoxicated by their charm, and this can go on for as long as the narcissist wants.

3) Narcissists prey on those with a history of trauma.
Your vulnerability to narcissists is not necessarily limited to your romantic partners. Sometimes, the first narcissists in our lives are our parents.

When children are raised by narcissistic parents, they eventually grow up to be adults looking for romantic mates who deliver the same levels of subtle emotional and psychological abuse.

This is why there are many cases where a person does not see their partner as a narcissist, but all of their friends and family can.

Step Two: Know what you want to do
What does your relationship say about you
When you have made it clear that your partner is an undeniable narcissist, it is now important to ask yourself: What do you want to do?

This usually depends on how you perceive your partner to be a narcissist.

Are you trapped in a cycle of abuse as you finally wake up to the truth about your partner?

Have your friends or family mentioned that your partner exhibits narcissistic tendencies and that you have decided to think more about their behavior?

• Have you discussed with your ex-partner and did he tell you that this person is a narcissist?

If you believe that you are losing trust, are being psychologically and emotionally abused, and are being completely taken advantage of by your partner, the best option we can recommend is to leave the relationship.

But there are many of us who have relationships with narcissists that aren’t as bad as some people might think.

After all, narcissists are still just people, too. With some patience, any relationship can eventually work out.

According to Judith Orloff, psychologist, and author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, the people who are typically attracted to narcissists are empathetic people.

These are the people who are best described as “emotional sponges” – they prioritize other people’s feelings and have little interest in their own emotional satisfaction.

This makes empaths ideal for narcissists, as narcissists seek partners who are willing to provide them with the emotional load they desire.

But according to Orloff, the relationship between an empath and a narcissist is doomed because attraction is ultimately toxic.

“What narcissists see in an empath is a loving, giving person who will try to be loyal to you, love you, and listen to you. But unfortunately, empaths are drawn to narcissists because, to begin with, it’s all about the false self. Narcissists present a false self, where they can appear charming, intelligent, and even giving. Don’t do things their way, and then they get cold feet and forbid and punish.”

This is why relationships between empaths and narcissists can feel like an endless journey — drama and chaos, hot and cold.

There is a constant shift in strength and attention; Empath tries to meet the narcissist’s needs, but the narcissist’s needs are constantly changing.

Because what the narcissist is actually looking for is not what their partner can provide for them, but the partner’s struggle to provide for them.

Can a narcissist really love you?

The troubling question you may be asking yourself is whether your narcissistic partner ever loved you.

The longer you stay with them, the more intimidating that answer can be.

You don’t want to come to the conclusion that the past several years of your life have all been just a game for your partner, while for you it felt like a struggle for true love.

So can a narcissist truly love another person? It helps to understand the way a narcissist feels about love.

While they may begin the relationship with passion and excitement, the ultimate goals for any narcissist come from a sense of pragmatism.

They need to achieve their emotional, physical and mental satisfaction and the relationship should play a major role in fulfilling those needs.

When they feel the relationship is failing to meet those needs, that’s when they become cold, angry, and critical.

Love is defined not by romance, not by codependency, but by feeling pleasure in making our partners happy, encouraged, and satisfied.

Narcissists have to overcome many obstacles before they can love someone the way most people love other people. These obstacles are as follows:

1) Narcissists don’t see people clearly. Narcissists see only the self; They do not see others as equals.

they see others as extensions of themselves; as tools to serve the narcissist. This makes it hard to love someone who is just a tool in their eyes.

2) They exaggerate their empathy. Narcissists are inconsistent with their main trait – a lack of empathy.

They tend to think they understand empathy, but they grossly overestimate it. So they don’t understand their own lack, which means they can’t understand why other people are not emotionally satisfied with them.

3) Their defenses make it difficult to form close bonds.

Narcissists naturally have several layers of defenses to avoid any negative reactions.

They use blame, aggression, entitlement, denial, contempt, and more to avoid feeling any kind of shame or embarrassment.

This makes it difficult to understand someone else’s love for them, as they can’t really read when criticism is coming from a good place or a bad place.

With all of these obstacles a narcissist must overcome, it can be rare for a narcissist to truly find long-term, meaningful love.

But that doesn’t mean that this never happens. If both parties are willing to work through it and make it happen, true love can develop between the narcissist and their partner.

Should you leave or try to make it work?
Finding out that your partner is a narcissist can feel like a knife in the heart, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship.

Whether you should leave a narcissist or stay and try to make it work is a question only you can answer, as it depends entirely on your situation.

Some relationships with narcissists can be incredibly disruptive to their partners’ lives; Others are more subtle and influence their partners in little ways over time.

This depends on the level of narcissism your partner may have.

In the worst case scenario, a relationship with a narcissist can be described as one between energy and vampirism.

These are the relationships that slowly suck the life out of you, transforming you from young, fit, energetic, happy, and passionate, into someone filled with anxiety, psychological cramps, and even physical ailments.

Energy Vampires and Casual Narcissists: What Kind Is Your Partner?
According to Dr. Christian Northrup, psychologist and author of Dodging Energy Vampires, “If you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you may be able to tolerate the energy drain for a while, but eventually the relationship takes its toll.

And I’m not just talking about feeling a little emotional or overwhelmed. There can be serious health consequences when you’re in an unbalanced relationship with an energy vampire.”

According to Dr. Northrop, I’ve found that people who have spent years or decades with an energy vampire experience unexplained cases of weight gain, diabetes, breast cancer, adrenal fatigue, and more, all because of a narcissist who is deeply involved in their lives.

But not all narcissists can be described as energy vampires. As stated by psychologist Dr. Jeremy Sherman, some narcissists are simply occasional narcissists.

These are the people who don’t display all the traits of a narcissist all the time but do so enough that they end up creating relationships similar to those of true narcissists.

Leave or stay: a checklist of questions
The decision to leave or to stay depends on a number of things:

How much do you value your relationship with your partner?
How much have they offended you (or haven’t)
How willing are they to change their behavior
We understand that the last thing you want to do is leave the person you love, whether they are a narcissist or not.

But prioritizing your mental health and your future should always be your top concern.

Is this really someone you want to build your family with, grow old with, and love for the rest of your life?

Here are some questions to ask yourself when making this difficult decision:

Did the narcissist try to change their behavior?
Has it improved or gotten worse over the years?
Are they willing to see that they have some problem with their personality, or do they feel completely flawless and blameless?
Have they ever tried to understand why you feel so bad?
Do they ever show you examples of unconditional love, or does their love only come as a reward?
Can you think of any areas in their behavior that have actually improved?
Are they willing to seek professional help?
Are you the main victim of their behavior, or are they being criticized in other areas of their lives (family, friends, career)?