Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. But sometimes, it’s not as solid as we think.
As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I’ve seen many couples struggle with trust issues. And often, they don’t realize there’s a problem until it’s too late.
Because trust isn’t always expressed in words. It often shows up in our behaviors, sometimes in subtle ways that can be easy to miss.
In this article, we’ll dive into eight behaviors that might indicate your partner doesn’t truly trust you. These insights come from relationship experts, including myself.
1) They Constantly Question You
Trust is about believing in someone’s integrity, honesty, and reliability. But what happens when your partner constantly questions your actions or motives?
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this behavior many times. It’s a red flag that there may be a lack of trust.
When someone trusts you, they trust your actions and decisions. But if your partner is constantly asking you where you are, who you’ve been with, or why you did something, it could be a sign that they don’t trust you.
Keep in mind that occasional inquiries are normal. However, if it becomes a regular occurrence, it’s worth taking a step back and assessing what’s going on.
Remember that communication is key in any relationship. Try to open up a dialogue about these concerns. This can help build that trust back up. But remember, it’s not just about talking – it’s about listening too.
2) They’re invading your personal space
Everyone has a right to personal space, even in a relationship. It’s about maintaining a sense of individuality and privacy.
But when your partner starts to invade that space, it could be a sign that they’re dealing with trust issues. Maybe they’re constantly checking your phone or insisting on being included in all your plans.
I’ve noticed this as a common thread in relationships where trust is shaky.
If your partner can’t trust you with the little things, like having private conversations or spending time alone, how can they trust you with the big things?
Remember, it’s important to set boundaries in a relationship. This builds mutual respect and trust. If these boundaries are consistently crossed, it may be time to have a serious conversation.
3) They don’t share their feelings openly
Open communication is a key part of any healthy relationship. It’s essential for:
- Resolving conflict
- Expressing needs
- Building a strong emotional connection
But what if your partner consistently keeps their feelings to themselves? Or ignores any attempts to have a deep, meaningful conversation?
In my experience as a relationship expert, this often indicates a lack of trust. They may be afraid to be vulnerable with you, or they may not trust you to handle their feelings with care.
In my book, Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I go into more depth about the importance of emotional openness in building trust.
If your partner struggles to share their feelings, it might be worth suggesting that they read it as well. It can provide valuable insights and give you both a starting point for discussions about trust.
Remember, trust is built step by step, one conversation at a time. So don’t give up—start the conversation today.
4) They’re Overly Generous
Now, this may seem counterintuitive. After all, generosity is a good thing, right? And it is—in moderation.
But when your partner starts showering you with gifts, compliments, or favors in an overly generous way, it could be a sign of underlying trust issues.
They may be trying to “buy” your loyalty or keep you close because deep down, they’re afraid of losing you. It’s a form of overcompensation that could indicate a lack of trust.
In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen this pattern play out time and time again. Generosity isn’t the problem—it’s the fear and insecurity that drives it.
Remember, a relationship is based on mutual respect and love, not on scoring points. So, if you notice this behavior in your partner, it may be time to have an open and honest conversation about trust.
5) They Avoid Eye Contact
Eye contact is powerful. It’s one of the simplest and most profound ways we connect.
But have you noticed that your partner is constantly avoiding eye contact? This could be a subtle sign that they have trust issues.
In my personal experience, I’ve found that trust and eye contact often go hand in hand. When trust is strong, eye contact comes naturally. But when trust is shaken, so is that steady gaze.
Avoiding eye contact can be a defense mechanism, a way to hide vulnerability or discomfort. It could be a sign that they’re hiding something or that they’re not being completely honest with you.
Remember, it’s not about playing detective or jumping to conclusions. If you notice this behavior, gently bring it up and try to figure out what’s going on. Trust is about transparency, after all.
6) They’re Hesitant to Commit
Commitment can be scary. It means risking your heart, risking pain, and trusting someone else with your future.
If your partner is dragging their feet when it comes to taking the next step in your relationship, it may be because they don’t fully trust you — or maybe they don’t trust themselves.
It’s a harsh reality that I’ve seen many couples struggle with. Trust is the foundation of any commitment, and without it, your partner may be reluctant to move forward.
It could be as simple as making plans for the future or something more serious like getting married or moving in together. But no matter the scale, hesitation to commit often stems from a lack of trust.
Remember, it’s okay to take things slow and build trust gradually. But if you feel like your relationship is stuck in limbo due to trust issues, it’s important to address them head-on.
You both deserve a relationship built on mutual trust and respect.
7) They’re Overly Defensive
We all get defensive from time to time — it’s a natural response to feeling threatened or accused. But when defensiveness becomes a default response, it could indicate a lack of trust in your relationship.
In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that people who don’t trust often anticipate betrayal or criticism. This can lead them to become defensive, even when there’s no real threat.
So, if your partner is always on the defensive, they may not believe in the safety of your relationship.
Remember, it’s important to create a safe space where you can express your feelings without fear of judgment or retaliation. A relationship built on trust allows for vulnerability without defensiveness.
8) They Don’t Tell You
Sharing personal thoughts, fears, and dreams is a sign of trust in a relationship. It shows that we believe in the other person’s ability to handle these intimate details of our lives.
But if your partner rarely shares their secrets with you, or prefers to share their concerns with others, it could be a sign that they don’t fully trust you.
I know this can be hard to accept.
As someone who’s seen this happen in many relationships, I can tell you that it’s a painful realization. But it’s also an opportunity for growth.
Trust can’t be forced—it has to be earned. If your partner is reluctant to confide in you, it may be helpful to have a heart-to-heart talk about why.
Remember, honesty is the best policy. Address the issue head-on and work together to build a stronger foundation of trust in your relationship.
The Bottom Line
Trust is a delicate thing. It’s easy to break, and hard to rebuild, but it’s essential to a healthy relationship.
These eight behaviors could indicate trust issues in your relationship. But remember, noticing these signs is just the first step. The real work lies in addressing these issues and building a stronger foundation of trust.
In my book, Breaking the Clinging: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I share more insights and practical tips on how to build and maintain trust in relationships.
Remember, trust isn’t built overnight. It’s a journey of patience, understanding, and consistent effort. And it’s a journey worth taking.
