Finding true inner peace isn’t easy.
But it starts with letting go of the expectations from society that drag you down and cut off your true self.
Empowerment begins with recognizing what you truly value in life and pursuing your path to individuality.
Here are 10 expectations from society that need to be let go on the path to true self-development.
Let’s get started:
1) There is only one right way to live a good life
There is good advice and bad advice. There are ways of life that go well and ways that lead to tragedy and sadness.
But there is no one-size-fits-all solution, no one right way to live life.
Society, from the education system to the corporate structure, often teaches us something different:
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It urges us to follow a linear career path, adopt the “right” beliefs, and be who we “should be.”
That’s an expectation that needs to be let go. Instead, start connecting with who you are and who you want to become. Connect with what you truly value in life, not just what society values.
2) Success is measured primarily by wealth and status
Money matters and career success can be an important measure of life satisfaction.
But the widely shared societal expectation to get rich or die trying is harmful.
Because the dark truth is that most people die trying. Along the way, their belief that wealth and status are the main purpose of life often leaves them feeling lonely and dissatisfied.
Psychologist Tim Kasser notes that “materialism is associated with lower levels of well-being, less prosocial personal behavior, more environmentally destructive behavior, and worse academic outcomes.”
Let’s be realistic:
The widespread belief that true success is determined solely by financial wealth and high social status can lead individuals to prioritize material gain over personal happiness, relationships, and self-fulfillment.
This is far from true…
This ties into the next point:
3) The more productive you are, the more valuable you are
Productivity is great. The ability to put your ideas and inspiration into action is valuable and important.
But productivity does not define your value as a person, nor as an employee or team member.
The idea that your value is determined by your productivity and output, often referred to as the “hard work culture,” is a negative societal expectation.
If you want to work hard, by all means do it. But don’t do it because society expects it or because you’re trying to live up to an ideal imposed by the media, corporations, and tastemakers.
Working hard can lead to burnout and neglect of mental health, leisure, and personal emotions.
4) Happiness is a prize to be won
Many modern societies treat happiness as two things: an ideal to aspire to and a prize.
It’s neither.
First, true happiness and fulfillment have more to do with meaning and connection to ourselves and others than with any ideal.
Second, happiness is not something you “get” or “win.” It’s something you experience, engage in, and participate in.
No one is happy all the time. That’s part of being true to yourself.
“Your mood can be affected by the weather, circadian rhythms, and other external factors, but you can pursue your passions, for example, which gives you the power to enhance your long-term well-being,” advises Lauren Friedman.
Believing that a fulfilled life means being happy all the time can create unrealistic expectations and make natural fluctuations in mood and life circumstances seem like failures.
5) Make sure you’re keeping up with society
Societal pressures to follow trends, support the newest “things,” and care about what you’re told to care about are overwhelming.
But if you do, you’re betraying yourself and can often end up distracting you from what you want to focus on and achieve in life.
The truth is that in every aspect of life, from physical appearance to professional accomplishments, following trends and keeping up with others can lead to chronic dissatisfaction and fear of making mistakes.
Society, among other things, is a concept and an idea. It’s not a physical reality like an apple. It’s millions of people who coexist and interact in direct and indirect ways.
There is no obligation for you to buy into his trends, follow what the guy on TV tells you, or eat what everyone else is eating.
Live your life!
6) Avoid failure and mistakes at all costs
Failure and setbacks are a natural part of life.
The only person who never fails is the person who never tries!
But society still has so many toxic messages about failure and mistakes, telling people that they need to stop being losers and failures.
The truth is that being too afraid of failure can lead to avoiding taking so many risks that you end up giving up on your dreams. Much of what we learn and grow in ourselves comes from failure and missteps.
“Failure leads to learning because we can identify where we have gone off track,” explains BetterHelp.
“From there, we can implement new ideas, new approaches, and new strategies.”
7) Age Determines Ability and Value
Age matters. But it’s far from everything in life and has no bearing on your value.
Many societies have a harsh, reductionist, materialistic view of life:
If you stop being productive and working hard, you’re a deadweight! If you’re too young, you’re not mature enough for an important job, a family, or your dreams.
Assuming that certain accomplishments have to be achieved (or postponed!) because of age can create unnecessary stress and discourage you from lifelong learning and reinventing yourself.
Your age is an aspect of who you are, but it’s far from the whole point of who you are!
8) Put Others’ Needs Before Your Own
Being helpful and compassionate is great.
But it can go too far.
When you consistently put other people’s needs before your own, you’ll often wake up to find that your life has passed you by.
It’s not just career opportunities and relationships you didn’t have the time or energy for, but also the way you’re being too nice to people and sacrificing your authenticity and your true voice to make them feel comfortable and more likely to approve of you.
“One of the most nagging regrets that haunts this gentleman is the sea of unspoken words and missed opportunities,” says Charlie Mitchell.
“The conversations I should have had but avoided. The feelings I should have expressed but suppressed.”
The idea that putting others’ needs before your own is always a virtuous one can lead to burnout and neglect of self-care, preventing you from fully engaging with life’s opportunities.
9) Rest and Play in Retirement
The belief that a younger life is for work and an older life is for rest can be simplistic and harmful.
If you spend your most active years working only and your retirement years resting only, your life will be bipolar and highly artificial.
Instead, it is crucial to find a work-life balance on an ongoing basis.
The idea that work life is inherently incompatible and cannot be balanced can lead to neglecting personal well-being and relationships in pursuit of career goals.
