The journey from parenting to dealing with them as adults is a difficult one. The dynamics change and your approach must change as well.
Behaviors that once worked can now backfire, creating tension rather than bonding.
If you want to maintain a friendly relationship with your adult children, there are certain behaviors that you need to let go of.
In this article, I’ll share with you the eight behaviors that you need to say goodbye to, for a harmonious relationship with your adult children. So sit back, read on, and let’s explore this journey together.
1) Trying to control their lives
The transition from parent to peer isn’t always easy when your children become adults.
It’s natural to want the best for them and to guide them towards what you think is right. However, it’s important to remember that they are no longer children who need guidance at every turn.
Trying to control their lives, or make decisions for them, can lead to resentment and tension in your relationship.
Just like you, your adult children have the right to make their own choices, even if they sometimes make mistakes.
So, say goodbye to the urge to control their lives. Instead, offer advice when asked, and be there to support them in their choices. This will help you maintain a friendly and respectful relationship with your adult children.
2) Set Personal Boundaries
Personal boundaries are an essential part of every relationship, including your relationship with your adult children.
Let me share a personal example. When my daughter first moved in, I used to stop by her apartment unannounced, thinking it was a pleasant surprise. I quickly noticed a change in her behavior. She seemed annoyed, not excited, by my unexpected visits.
I realized that I was invading her personal space and independence. I had to learn to respect her boundaries. Now, I always call ahead before visiting and give her the space she needs.
Respecting personal boundaries helps you maintain a healthy and friendly relationship with your adult children. It shows them that you recognize their independence and respect their privacy.
3) Not Acknowledging Their Accomplishments
Did you know that acknowledging their accomplishments is a human need and is directly linked to self-esteem and motivation?
This applies to your adult children as well. When you fail to acknowledge their accomplishments, it can lead to feelings of resentment and underappreciation.
By acknowledging their accomplishments, big or small, you show that you are proud of them and appreciate their efforts. This simple act can go a long way in strengthening your relationship with your adult children. So, take a moment to appreciate their victories; it can make a world of difference.
4) Ignoring Their Opinions
Exchanging ideas and opinions is an essential part of any healthy relationship.
Ignoring or dismissing your adult children’s opinions can make them feel unheard and belittled. It’s important to remember that they are adults with their own experiences and perspectives.
Be sure to encourage open dialogue respect their perspective and value their input. Not only does this help keep the lines of communication open, but it also fosters mutual respect and understanding, which is essential to maintaining a friendly relationship with your adult children.
5) Holding on to Past Mistakes
We all make mistakes. It’s part of being human. And sometimes, these mistakes can cause pain and misunderstanding.
Holding on to your adult children’s past mistakes can create a barrier in your relationship. It can not only bring up old wounds, but it can also prevent growth and understanding.
Letting go of past mistakes, forgiving, and moving on is essential to maintaining a cordial relationship with your adult children. It shows them that you believe in their ability to change and grow.
Remember, everyone deserves a second chance. Embrace the present and look to the future with an open heart. This will help build a stronger, more understanding bond with your adult children.
6) Refusing to Apologize
Apologizing can be hard. I struggled with saying “I’m sorry” for a long time, always thinking that being a parent meant always being right.
But I’ve learned that even parents make mistakes, and that admitting it is a sign of strength, not weakness.
When you refuse to apologize, it can create resentment and damage your relationship with your adult children. Acknowledging your mistakes and apologizing shows humility and respect for their feelings.
So don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry.” This can mend bridges and strengthen your relationship with your adult children.
7) Comparing Them to Others
Everyone is unique, with their strengths and weaknesses, including your adult children.
Comparing them to their siblings, friends, or peers can be damaging to their self-esteem. It can also create unnecessary stress and bitterness in your relationship.
Instead, celebrate their individuality and uniqueness. Encourage them to be the best version of themselves, not someone else.
This can lead to a more positive and friendly relationship with your adult children. After all, everyone wants to be loved and accepted just the way they are.
8) Neglecting to Express Love and Affection
Ultimately, love is the strongest bond you have with your children, no matter their age.
Failing to express love and affection can leave them feeling unappreciated and distant.
Don’t hesitate to express your love for them – through words, gestures, or actions. Let them know how much they mean to you.
This simple act can create a warm and nurturing environment that fosters a friendly and loving relationship with your adult children.
Final Thoughts: It’s All About Respect and Love
The dynamics of parent-child relationships evolve as children grow into adults. However, at the core of these relationships remains respect and love.
American author and motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar, once said, “The first step in gaining wisdom is silence; the second is listening; the third is remembering; the fourth is practicing; and the fifth is teaching.”
When applying this wisdom to your relationship with your adult children, silence can mean giving them space, listening involves respecting their opinions, remembering and acknowledging their accomplishments, practicing letting go of harmful behaviors, and teaching and guiding them with love.
Ultimately, maintaining friendly relationships with your adult children isn’t about perfect behavior or always being right. It’s about mutual respect, expressing love, and understanding that they are adults with lives of their own.
It’s a delicate dance of balancing parenting and friendship. And when done right, it can lead to a satisfying, lifelong relationship.
