It can be difficult to notice the signs that someone cares about you and wants what’s best for you, especially in romantic relationships. We’re often so blinded by the idea that someone wants to be with us that we can miss some red flags, but a woman named Jenny Thomas shared the best phrase you can say to someone to truly learn whether or not they love you.
Thomas said to watch your partner’s reaction after telling them they hurt you.
“I’ll tell you now. Do you want to know if someone loves you? Tell them they hurt you,” Thomas told viewers at the beginning of her video. “If this person isn’t in tune with you and loving you to the level you need to be loved, they won’t connect with that pain.”
Thomas explained that if you tell your partner that he has hurt you and he shows a degrading attitude or has a hard-on behavior toward you, he doesn’t love you and isn’t invested in you or the relationship.
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“A person who truly loves you and invests in you, that means time, that means length, that means future, that means distance. If they invest in you, they’re worried about what they’re going to do to you and they’re going to do it.” “You worry about how you feel,” Thomas said.
You admitted that someone who cares about your well-being always wants to see you happy and smiling, and if you’re not, they’ll do everything they can to remedy that, especially if it’s their fault.
“A person who is not invested in you will turn away from the project, and will be angry with you because you told them something they did wrong,” she explained.
If someone loves you, they want to connect with you spiritually and physically, and they want to do the things you love. If someone rejects your interests and is aggravated by your presence instead of wanting to be around you, they are not invested in the relationship, or you.
“A person who loves you gets upset when you get hurt, especially if he does it. He wants to make it right, but a person who is out of tune with himself and certainly not into you will be upset if you even try.” “Communicate with them about what wrongs they could do to you,” Thomas said.
In their minds, Thomas noted, they think about all the “great” things they have done. Meanwhile, you’re thinking about the incident that upset you in the first place.
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In toxic and abusive relationships with narcissists, they often don’t care about your feelings.
In an article for CNBC, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, explained that highly narcissistic people are often very good at gaslighting their partners because their primary goal is to create insecurity by manipulating others.
“Narcissists have a hard time admitting they’re wrong, and this is their classic attempt to apologize. But it’s just a perversion,” Durvasula wrote to the news magazine. “With this statement, they are implying that your feelings are your problems alone and that they will not take any responsibility for their behavior.”
The statement you’re describing is: “I’m sorry you feel that way,” which is not an apology at all, especially when their actions hurt someone else. Instead, it is used as a way to avoid taking accountability and, by default, make that person feel as if it is their fault when in reality it is not.
Durvasula recommended that if this happens to someone when confronting their partner about an issue, the best solution is to disengage. The narcissistic partner will have no problem doing this again, and to avoid being hurt again, the best plan of action is to realize that this is who they are. Ultimately, if you are in a relationship with someone who you feel does not take your concerns seriously, or ignores your feelings, then that person is not the right partner for you.
A true and loving partner, as Thomas states in her video, is someone who will have no problem responding with care and a sincere desire to make amends in any situation. True love should never be something that anyone feels the need to ever give up on.
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