Healthy relationships don’t happen by accident. They require effort, self-awareness, and a willingness to let go of habits and behaviors that can undermine trust, communication, and emotional connection. Whether you’re looking to improve an existing relationship or set the foundation for a new one, recognizing and eliminating certain toxic behaviors is key to building a strong, lasting bond. Here are 10 behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want a truly healthy relationship:
1. Passive-Aggressive Communication
Passive-aggressive behavior—such as giving the silent treatment, dropping sarcastic comments, or making subtle jabs—destroys open communication and creates emotional distance. Healthy relationships require honest, direct communication. If you’re upset, address the issue calmly instead of harboring resentment or expressing it in indirect ways.
- What to do instead:
Speak openly and directly about your feelings, even if the conversation is uncomfortable. Use “I” statements to express how you feel and avoid blaming or criticizing your partner.
2. Playing the Blame Game
When problems arise in a relationship, it can be tempting to point fingers and blame your partner for everything that goes wrong. However, playing the blame game creates a defensive atmosphere and prevents constructive problem-solving. It’s important to acknowledge your own role in conflicts and work together to find solutions.
- What to do instead:
Shift the focus from assigning blame to understanding the root of the issue. Ask yourself, “What can we both do to improve this situation?” Collaboration, rather than accusation, fosters growth and understanding.
3. Keeping Score
Keeping score—mentally tracking every mistake or favor—is a surefire way to breed resentment and competition in your relationship. In a healthy partnership, there’s no place for tit-for-tat behavior. Relationships aren’t about balancing debts; they’re about mutual support and love.
- What to do instead:
Let go of the idea that everything has to be “even.” Focus on giving and receiving without keeping a tally. If something is bothering you, address it directly instead of letting it fester.
4. Neglecting Emotional Needs
A healthy relationship isn’t just about practical or physical needs; it’s about emotional support and connection. Neglecting your partner’s emotional needs, or ignoring your own, can lead to feelings of loneliness, dissatisfaction, and disconnection.
- What to do instead:
Make emotional check-ins a regular part of your relationship. Ask your partner how they’re feeling, and share your emotions as well. Prioritize emotional intimacy by making time for meaningful conversations and understanding each other’s needs.
5. Expecting Your Partner to Read Your Mind
Expecting your partner to know what you’re thinking or feeling without telling them sets the stage for disappointment and frustration. Healthy relationships rely on clear, open communication. Your partner can’t meet your needs if you don’t express them.
- What to do instead:
Be transparent about your thoughts, feelings, and expectations. If something is bothering you, say it. If you need support, ask for it. Communication removes guesswork and leads to deeper understanding.
6. Constant Criticism
Constantly criticizing your partner, whether it’s about their behavior, appearance, or decisions, erodes their self-esteem and creates a toxic environment. While constructive feedback is important, constant criticism leads to feelings of inadequacy and defensiveness.
- What to do instead:
Focus on positive reinforcement and highlight what your partner is doing right. If something is genuinely an issue, express your concerns kindly and focus on behaviors, not personal attacks.
7. Stonewalling During Conflicts
Stonewalling—shutting down or withdrawing from an argument without resolution—damages relationships by preventing constructive communication. When one partner shuts down, it leaves the other feeling abandoned and unheard, which can deepen the conflict.
- What to do instead:
If you feel overwhelmed during an argument, take a short break to calm down, but communicate that you plan to revisit the issue. Make a commitment to work through disagreements rather than avoiding them.
8. Jealousy and Control
While mild jealousy is natural in relationships, letting jealousy and control issues dominate your interactions is destructive. Constantly questioning your partner’s actions, wanting to control their behavior, or feeling insecure about their other relationships creates distrust and anxiety.
- What to do instead:
Build trust by communicating openly about your insecurities and working through them together. Give each other space and autonomy while nurturing the bond you share. Healthy relationships are built on trust, not control.
9. Lack of Appreciation
Taking your partner for granted and failing to express appreciation can lead to feelings of neglect and resentment. Everyone wants to feel valued, and when appreciation is lacking, it can create emotional distance.
- What to do instead:
Make it a habit to show gratitude for your partner, even for small things. Compliment them, acknowledge their efforts, and express how much you appreciate their presence in your life.
10. Holding Grudges
Holding onto past mistakes or grievances creates a toxic emotional environment where growth and healing are impossible. In a healthy relationship, both partners need to forgive and let go of the past in order to move forward.
- What to do instead:
Practice forgiveness, both for your partner and for yourself. Let go of past grievances, and focus on resolving issues in the present. Holding onto grudges only hurts the relationship in the long run.
How to Create a Healthier Relationship
Recognizing and eliminating these toxic behaviors is a crucial first step toward building a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Here are some additional strategies to help foster a strong, positive bond with your partner:
- Practice Active Listening
Pay attention to what your partner is saying without interrupting or preparing your response while they speak. Active listening shows that you value their thoughts and feelings, and it can lead to deeper emotional connection. - Prioritize Time Together
Busy schedules and external responsibilities can sometimes push relationships to the background. Make sure to carve out time to spend with your partner, whether it’s through date nights, shared hobbies, or even small moments of connection throughout the day. - Build Trust Through Consistency
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Build trust by being consistent in your words and actions, keeping promises, and showing your partner that they can rely on you. - Celebrate Each Other’s Wins
A healthy relationship thrives on mutual support and celebration. Be each other’s biggest cheerleader, celebrating your partner’s accomplishments and encouraging them in their endeavors. - Show Affection Regularly
Physical affection and emotional closeness are essential to a healthy relationship. Make an effort to express your love through gestures like hugging, holding hands, and saying “I love you.” - Address Issues Early
Don’t let problems simmer under the surface. Address issues early, before they become bigger than they need to be. Open communication and early resolution prevent misunderstandings and resentments from building up.
Conclusion
Building and maintaining a healthy relationship takes effort, patience, and a willingness to let go of harmful habits. By saying goodbye to these 10 behaviors and focusing on positive, constructive communication and actions, you can strengthen your bond with your partner and create a relationship that’s rooted in trust, respect, and love. True emotional intimacy and connection come from a place of mutual understanding and growth, and both partners must be committed to fostering a healthy dynamic to keep the relationship thriving.
