Manipulators are everywhere.
They can be your boss, your colleagues, your friends, your partners, your family, or even strangers. But these are the people who use and exploit you if they can.
The American Psychological Association defines manipulation as “behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others for one’s benefit.” So, with this definition, we can see that while manipulation can be evil, it doesn’t always have to be.
You could say that Instagram influencers are manipulative because their behavior is specifically designed to influence you. Also, the advertising is meant to get you to do something you wouldn’t normally do – buy the product.
But in this article, we’re going to talk about the dark side of manipulation. When I talk about manipulative people here, I mean people who exploit, use, and abuse others and don’t hesitate to do so.
To protect yourself from being hurt by these people, you need to arm yourself and the best way to do that is to be able to quickly identify the manipulative person and keep them at a distance.
So if you recognize these seven signs, you’re dealing with a truly manipulative person and you should avoid them.
1) They’re quick to criticize.
Manipulative people are trying to gain some advantage, and this often means they feel like they need to take something away from someone else.
One way they do this is by being extremely critical.
This helps them devalue others or their work and make themselves look better in comparison. Or at least, that’s what they try to do.
If you find yourself being criticized repeatedly by someone in your life, you may need to step back and try to look at the situation objectively.
They may have perfectly valid reasons to criticize you, or they may be trying to manipulate you. If the criticism always comes from one person while others are complimenting you, or if their criticism seems designed to hurt you rather than be constructive, you should take it with a grain of salt.
2) They seem to be trying to isolate you.
This is something you might expect to be normal in romantic relationships. We all know that some people are jealously guarding their partners and spouses.
But you might be surprised to learn that it can happen in friendships and even in business relationships.
Isolating someone is an attempt to prevent them from connecting with other people, or at least limiting that connection as much as possible. They’re trying to keep you to themselves and away from others.
Why would anyone do that?
Well, the reason is simple – they’re getting something from you that they don’t want to share with anyone else.
This can be anything, including sex, obedience, dependence, emotional support, experience, advice, and more.
In general, whatever it is that you have is something they desperately need. Because they’re desperate for it, they assume that others are, too, which is why they feel the need to isolate you.
They’re afraid that others will take what they’re taking from you, and they’ll have nothing left.
So how do you fit into the whole equation? Usually, they don’t care about you, only what you can offer them.
So, your emotional suffering as a result of isolation doesn’t matter to them.
Cold and calculating, right?
3) They’re cheating on you.
Emotional manipulation is a modern name for an ancient behavior – trying to make someone doubt their version of reality and replace it with a modified version.
Emotional manipulation can include things as simple as correcting a story you’re telling by saying you remember details wrong. But it can also be as sinister as trying to convince you that you’re crazy by actively lying to you and making you question your feelings and memories.
To do this, they’ll try to distance you from others who might confirm what’s going on. They lie to you and try to confuse you until you start doubting yourself.
They’ll even try to blame you for things they’ve done wrong.
All of this leads to a serious assault on your mental health and can sometimes be considered a form of emotional abuse.
If someone keeps trying to make you doubt yourself, they may be manipulating you to gain some advantage.
4) They’re love bombing you. So your emotional suffering is a result of being
Love bombing may seem like a weird sexual move, but it’s a very manipulative behavior that makes you feel good.
At first, anyway.
Look, love bombing will start a relationship off with a bang.
He’ll shower you with compliments and attention. He’ll buy you gifts, pamper you, and make you feel like the most important person in the world.
Sounds good so far, right?
RELATED:If someone is emotionally manipulating you, they’ll display these 8 subtle behaviors
But as the love bombing continues, you may start to sense a shift in his attitude.
He may start demanding all of your time and attention, disguising himself as a subtle “I want to be with you all the time” sentiment.
He’ll probably start escalating things so quickly that you’ll feel dizzy. He wants to move in before you know it. He wants you to meet his parents. He starts talking about taking things to a higher level.
Oh my!
Falling in love is exciting; many people get love bombed thinking it’s just a natural passion. But then they find themselves emotionally overwhelmed, and that’s when they may realize they’re being manipulated.
See, people love to love bombs to make their partners completely attached to them. But once that happens, things change dramatically.
They will start acting jealous, possessive, and controlling, which is manipulation. Any time a partner indicates that they feel bad, the love bomber can point to their past actions to prove how much they love them.
But know this – the past is in the past, and you will never be treated that way again.
5) They make you feel guilty.
When someone wants something from you, they will use every weapon in their arsenal to get it.
For most manipulative people, guilt is their weapon of choice.
I was once in a relationship with a woman named Lisa. She was a stay-at-home mom, but at the time, I was working out a lot and going out with friends.
Instead of acknowledging and accepting our differences, she would always try to make me feel bad for going out and leaving her home alone – even though staying home was what she wanted.
This manipulation was pretty obvious and not very subtle, but it was still based on trying to make me feel bad, so I would do what she wanted.
Needless to say, the relationship didn’t work out, and I’m grateful for that!
6) They use emotional blackmail.
Guilt can be considered a form of emotional blackmail, but there are enough other tactics that are worth covering here.
This is when someone uses tactics of any kind to attack your feelings and use them to get what they want.
I’ll give another example from a relationship I was in once.
Dani broke up with me and left me heartbroken after a relationship that lasted for many years. I worked hard to pick up the pieces of my life and put things back on track. I even moved to a new city.
Then one day, she announced that she wanted me back and was coming to see me. I agreed because deep down, I still had feelings for her. Or I thought I did.
But when she arrived, and we tried to work things out, I realized my heart had moved.
But she refused to accept it, and this led to one of the worst acts of emotional blackmail I have ever experienced.
In a fit of rage, she grabbed a knife and locked herself in the bathroom, saying she would kill herself if I didn’t come back to her.
As I couldn’t figure out what to do, I caved in at the time.
But it didn’t work for her. I immediately told her parents, and they came and brought her home.
She was very extreme and used my feelings of care and compassion for her to try to blackmail me into a relationship, but instead, it pushed me away forever.
7) They Play the Victim.
Another sign of a manipulative person is that they constantly play the victim.
If there is any conflict, they always portray themselves as the one who was hurt, not the aggressor.
If you try to talk to them about your needs, they will accuse you of meddling in their affairs.
They will continue to turn the script to make them look pathetic and deserving of your attention, but remember, it is all deception.
If you recognize these seven signs, you are dealing with a truly manipulative person.
If you want my advice, do not stay near them, do not even walk away. Just run as fast and as hard as you can to protect yourself from being mistreated by this unscrupulous person!
