Navigating the world of dating isn’t always easy—sometimes it feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack. But hey, we’ve all been there, right?
There’s a key difference between dating someone who isn’t right for you and being in a relationship with the wrong person. It’s like comparing apples to oranges.
Dating someone who isn’t right for you might mean you’re incompatible. But being with the wrong person? That can lead to some seriously toxic patterns.
In my many years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen these toxic patterns time and time again. And let me tell you, recognizing them early can save you a lot of pain.
So, let’s dive in. Here are some behaviors that might indicate you’re in a relationship with the wrong person. It’s time to take off those rose-colored glasses and see things as they are.
1) They Always Put Themselves First
Relationships are a two-way street, right? It’s all about give and take, compromise, and understanding.
But if you’re in a relationship with someone who always puts their needs before yours, it might be time to rethink things. This type of behavior can often indicate a lack of respect or empathy.
Imagine this: You’ve had a long day at work, and you come home hoping for some comfort and understanding, but your partner is more interested in their problems. It’s not just the big things—it’s also the little things—the small acts of kindness that show they care.
It can be hard to see this pattern, but recognizing it for what it is can save you a lot of pain down the road. Always remember that a relationship should be a partnership, where both individuals are valued and respected.
2) They’re Too Perfect
Sounds crazy, right? But hear me out.
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s natural to see your partner through rose-colored glasses. Everything they do seems perfect and charming. But over time, the truth sets in.
This doesn’t mean that your partner has to be flawed to be the right person for you. No, it’s about understanding that everyone has their flaws and weaknesses – and that’s normal.
But if your partner doesn’t show any signs of vulnerability, and doesn’t admit their mistakes or weaknesses, this could be a red flag. It could mean that they’re not being honest or that they’re hiding their true selves.
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A real relationship requires honesty and openness. If your partner is always playing the “perfection” card, it could mean that they’re not letting you in – or worse, they might be hiding something.
I know this sounds counterintuitive, but excessive perfectionism can sometimes be a sign that you’re in a relationship with the wrong person.
3) Constantly trying to change them
In my early days as a relationship counselor, I saw a trend that always broke my heart – people who stayed in relationships hoping that they could change their partner.
Let me tell you something I’ve learned over the years: You can’t change people. They have to want to change themselves. And if you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly trying to mold your partner into someone else, that’s a clear sign that you might be with the wrong person.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into the concept of codependency and how it can manifest in relationships when one partner tries to control or change the other.
A healthy relationship should be about accepting and loving who your partner is, not who you want them to be. So if you find yourself constantly wishing they were different, it’s time to step back and reevaluate.
4) You Feel Drained, Not Energized
A relationship should be a source of joy, not constant stress. If you find that your relationship is draining you more than it’s energizing you, that’s a strong sign that you may be with the wrong person.
I remember a time in my life when I felt emotionally drained all the time. I later realized that I was in a toxic relationship, where I was giving more than I was getting. It took me a while, but I finally understood that love doesn’t have to be so draining.
As the great Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
If your partner makes you feel drained often, take it as a sign. A good relationship should make you feel loved and appreciated, not drained and stressed.
5) You’re Always Walking on Eggshells
In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe—safe to be yourself, to express your opinions, and to make mistakes. If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, worrying about how your partner will react, that’s a big red flag.
I remember a time when I was in a relationship where I felt like I had to police my thoughts and feelings. It was exhausting and damaging to my self-esteem. No one should feel that way.
Remember that the right person will respect your thoughts and feelings, even if they disagree with them. They will create a safe space for open communication, not an atmosphere of fear and anxiety.
6) More conflict than peace
In any relationship, it is natural for disagreements to occur. But when conflict becomes the norm rather than the exception, it is likely a sign of deeper issues.
There was a period in my life when my relationship was filled with more arguments than peaceful moments. This affected my mental health and overall well-being. That’s when I realized that love is not meant to be a battleground.
As the famous author and motivational speaker, Dr. Wayne Dyer, once said, “Peace is the result of retraining your mind to treat life as it is, not as you think it should be.”
Is your relationship more about fighting battles than enjoying peace? Then you may need to reevaluate. And remember, you are not alone in this journey.
For more ideas and advice on love and relationships, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I regularly share my latest articles and insights there to help you better manage your love life.
7) You’re Unhappy More Than You’re Happy
This is hard to admit, but it’s crucial. If you find yourself unhappy more often, it’s a clear sign that something is wrong.
There are ups and downs in relationships. But ultimately, your relationship should bring you happiness and fulfillment, not constant sadness or dissatisfaction.
It took me a while to recognize this in one of my previous relationships. I was clinging to the happy moments, ignoring the fact that I was often unhappy. It was hard to accept, but acknowledging this fact was a crucial step toward finding true happiness.
In a romantic relationship, happiness should be the norm, not the exception. If it’s not, it’s time to reconsider whether you’re with the right person.
Before We Part
As we wrap up this exploration of whether you’re in a relationship with the wrong person, let’s revisit a basic truth about relationships—they’re complex, personal, and rarely black and white.
The signs we’ve discussed here aren’t definitive proof that you should end the relationship, but they are strong indicators that some aspects need addressing. And remember, it’s okay to put your happiness first.
In my experience as a relationship counselor, I’ve seen the power of introspection and open communication to transform relationships. But sometimes, it’s also about accepting that you and your partner may be on different paths.
To delve deeper into this topic and gain more insight, I recommend watching this video by Justin Brown:
In it, he explains the problem with using the Law of Attraction to try to find the perfect partner. The main point he makes is that we need to let go of the idea of a perfect partner. Instead, we need to realize that relationships are about commitment, embracing challenges, and growing together.
It’s a powerful message that complements our discussion here and provides a fresh perspective on what it means to find the “right” person.
Remember, every journey begins with a single step. Recognizing these behaviors is your first step toward healthier, happier relationships.
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