We all want to believe we have a healthy dose of self-esteem.

We shower with affirmations, follow inspiring Instagram accounts, and maybe even engage in the occasional therapy session.

But what if self-doubt is more insidious than we realize? What if it’s hiding right in front of our eyes, disguised as quirks and habits we thought were helpful? And what if we’re sabotaging ourselves more than we realize?

We’ve all read generic self-help articles that tell us that apologizing too much or being a people pleaser are signs of low self-esteem.

But life isn’t an online quiz, and the signs aren’t always obvious.

This isn’t your typical “5 Ways You’re Ruining Your Life” list. We’re going deeper, darker, and dare I say it, funnier.

Because let’s face it, sometimes the best way to confront our flaws is with a little humor.

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1) You’re a Moody Person

There are some situations where a last-minute retreat is acceptable, don’t get me wrong.

Emergencies, mental health crises, losing a hamster, etc.

But if you’re the type who hits the RSVP button in an instant whenever an invitation is sent to you…

Only to find yourself later overwhelmed with the desire to sit deep on your couch watching trashy TV while eating popcorn, you’re not canceling for good reasons.

There’s nothing wrong with going out with yourself, but consider whether agreeing to plans in advance is necessary.

The truth is, last-minute cancellations do more harm to others than they do to you, leaving them feeling hurt and wary of your commitment levels.

This kind of ignoring isn’t just about fickleness.

Essentially, you’re devaluing your presence by not showing up, coupled with your lack of common sense.

2) “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

You apologize for everything.

Did someone accidentally bump into you? Oh, my fault!

Did the waiter bring you the wrong order? It must be your fault. Apologize profusely, right away.

And remember to stumble over your words as you profusely thank the waiter for bringing you the food you paid for.

While saying a sincere apology when you mean it is a great trait to develop, going overboard and over-apologizing isn’t just polite…

It’s a subconscious way of diminishing yourself.

Over-apologizing gives the impression of desperation and of trying to cling to the people around you; always be ready to take the blame because you feel like an easy, unworthy scapegoat.

3) The Worry Wardrobe

Don’t buy clothes for the present.

You buy for who you want to be.

But that doesn’t have the motivational effect you expected, and looking at dresses you bought for five pounds less doesn’t give you the joy you expected.

The shelves of items you bought while imagining the future—attending fancy cocktail parties and lavish festivals—don’t bring you any joy now.

Getting dressed in the morning has become an unpleasant and stressful event, filled with guilt and shame for being insecure, light, or cold.

Not only is your house filled with clutter, but you’ve also put yourself in a state of uncertainty and waiting until you feel “worthy” to get dressed.

You dream of a perfect, confident future, but you waste the present muttering to yourself, “I’m not good enough the way I am.”

4) “Everyone agrees with me!”

The problem with surrounding yourself with only people who always agree with you is that you’re putting yourself in an echo chamber.

You’re carefully curating your social media feed to only show opinions that align with your own.

You’ve essentially built a fortress of confirmation bias, where your beliefs are never challenged or questioned.

This means that even false beliefs can, unfortunately, accumulate into massive core values. While you may think you’re open-minded, you’re not exposed to enough variance of opinion to determine how well you understand other people’s experiences.

Rather than some form of intellectual curiosity, surrounding yourself with people who agree with you like parrots suggests that you may be suffering from a deep-seated fear of being wrong.

Of course, you don’t need to tolerate people you find rude or heartless but think about the consequences of exposing yourself only to those who are passionately inclined in your favor.

Plus, the more people, the better!

5) Coupon King/Queen

Like a dog with a keen nose for discounts, you can certainly spot a sale from a mile away, and you pride yourself on not paying full price for anything.

But somewhere along the way, your obsession with selling stopped being about the economic side of things and turned into something more obsessive.

You find yourself up late at night, browsing eBay or other secondhand goods platforms with wide eyes and clicking… Terms like “Black Friday,” “Boxing Day sales,” or “Cyber ​​Monday” make your heart beat faster.

Somewhere along the way, you lost your sense of shopping for the economy and instead started to devalue yourself, losing interest in your purchases and now never believing you deserve a full-price item.

6) “No” is in your vocabulary

You are the person people turn to for favors.

Why?

Because everyone knows you can’t say no, and instead of appreciating your kindness, they now start taking advantage of it…

You regularly find yourself the last person to leave the office, and on the weekends, you’re usually hanging out with your friend’s kids (while they go to the bar), or agreeing to plans you don’t care about at all (before you cancel at the last minute anyway!)

You’re so afraid of conflict or disappointing others that you sacrifice your own needs and wants.

While you may think you’re showing appreciation for others by doing these things for them, thinking they’ll appreciate your hard work…

The unfortunate truth is that people simply start to see you as an asset or a free resource to be exploited.

This inability to say “no” erodes your self-esteem and the respect of others for you.

7) Everyone is living a better life than you

Admit it.

You’re addicted to scrolling through social media, comparing yourself to everyone you see.

They’re always on vacation, getting a promotion, or bragging about their perfect relationship.

Meanwhile, you’re stuck in traffic, eating leftover takeout (which you’ve now managed to spill all over your nicest work shirt), and wondering if your cat secretly hates you.

Comparison is truly the thief of joy and a recipe for self-loathing.

If your days start with a dreary morning, scrolling through photos of influencers on yachts and glamorous models sipping green smoothies after Pilates, and then end with pretty much the same, think about the impact that might be having on your self-esteem.

The truth is, life is never perfect behind closed doors, and you’re just sucking the joy out of your life by over-consuming social media and berating yourself in the process.

8) “I can fix them!”

You’re drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable, addicted, or just plain messy.

You tell yourself you’re helping them, but secretly, you might feel more comfortable around broken people because it makes your flaws seem less obvious.

Now, there’s some good in this trait. You’re likely to see the best in people (or make up some good traits and stick them on the person forever). You’re probably an optimist.

But the fact that you’re making room in your life for toxic, harmful people only hurts you, and you alone.

This type of behavior isn’t empathy; it’s codependency.

As Stephen Chbosky puts it, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

If all the love you accept comes at a price, consider how much self-esteem you have, and try to aim for healthy, reciprocal relationships that make you better—not tear you down.

So, What’s Next?

If any of these scenarios resonate with you, don’t despair. Self-esteem isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you cultivate and expand with practice.

Here are some tips to get you started:

• Set boundaries: Learn to say “no” without guilt. Your time and energy are valuable, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for prioritizing yourself.
• Embrace your flaws: No one is perfect. We all have quirks, insecurities, and weird habits. Learn to laugh at yourself and embrace the things that make you unique.
• Challenge your assumptions: Don’t be afraid to question your beliefs or seek out diverse perspectives. Growth happens when you step outside your comfort zone.
• Invest in yourself: Take a course, learn a new skill, or simply spend time doing things that bring you joy. You deserve to be happy, and your happiness shouldn’t depend on external validation.
• Seek support: If you’re struggling with self-esteem issues, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Therapy, coaching, or even just talking to a trusted friend can make a huge difference.

Remember, self-respect isn’t about arrogance or ego; it’s about recognizing your inherent worth. You deserve to take up space, have a voice, and live a life that feels rightfully yours.