Spotting a manipulative and controlling person isn’t always easy. They often hide their intentions behind a veil of charm or attention.
The key to recognizing them is to observe their behaviors closely. Manipulators, you see, follow certain patterns; these are telltale signs that give them away.
In this article, we’ll delve into these nine distinct behaviors. That way, you can arm yourself with knowledge and protect your peace.
Remember, it’s not about paranoia, it’s about awareness. Let’s dive in, shall we?
1) They Always Play the Victim
Manipulative people have an uncanny knack for always making themselves the victim. It’s like having an invisible shield that deflects any blame or responsibility.
Their stories often revolve around how they’ve been wronged or mistreated. This is a classic technique to gain sympathy and divert attention from their controlling behavior. They want you to feel sorry for them and thus, justify their actions.
By constantly portraying themselves as the victim, they keep you off balance. You end up in a constant state of guilt, believing you did something wrong.
The key here is to recognize this pattern. If someone repeatedly plays the victim card, especially when confronted about their behavior, you may be dealing with a manipulative person.
2) They Never Respect Your Boundaries
A personal experience comes to mind. I had a friend who constantly invaded my personal space and ignored my boundaries.
For example, I made it clear to him that I didn’t want to discuss my love life with him. However, he would often probe and press for information, brushing off my discomfort with “Oh come on, we’re friends!”
This constant disregard for my boundaries was a huge red flag. While it may seem harmless at first, this behavior is a classic sign of a manipulative person.
Respecting boundaries is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If someone is constantly crossing these lines and dismissing your feelings, it’s a clear sign that they are trying to control and manipulate you.
3) They Use Psychological Manipulation to Confuse You
Psychological manipulation is a psychological manipulation technique where a person seeks to plant seeds of doubt in the targeted individual, causing them to question their perception and sanity.
It’s named after the 1944 movie “Psycho Manipulation,” in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s crazy.
Here’s how it works. Let’s say you confront this person about something they did that upset you. Instead of discussing it, they twist the narrative, saying things like “That never happened” or “You’re just imagining things.”
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Over time, this constant questioning can make you question your memory and perception. You start to think that maybe you’re just being too sensitive or maybe you just remembered it wrong.
This is straight-up mind game territory and one of the most powerful tools in a manipulator’s arsenal.
4) They Emotionally Blackmail You
Manipulators are experts at emotional blackmail. They use guilt, fear, and obligation to control and manipulate you.
For example, they might say things like, “If you loved me, you would do this,” or, “I thought I could count on you, but I think I was wrong.” These statements are designed to make you feel guilty or afraid, which will lead you to act in a way that suits their needs.
This is not healthy behavior. In a balanced relationship, decisions should be made jointly and with respect for each other’s feelings. It’s never okay for someone to use your feelings against you.
5) They Always Reverse the Roles
Dealing with a manipulative person is often like playing on an endless merry-go-round. You approach them with a problem, and before you know it, the roles have been reversed, and you’re the one who gets defensive.
For example, you might say, “I felt hurt when you didn’t keep your promise.”
6) They Undermine Your Self-Esteem
Manipulative people often target your self-esteem, subtly undermining your self-confidence to make you more dependent on them. This is one of their most damaging tactics, as it destroys your sense of self-worth.
They may belittle your accomplishments, dismiss your feelings, or constantly criticize you. These actions are designed to make you feel inferior and question your worth and abilities.
This can be extremely difficult to bear. But remember, their words and actions reflect on them, not you. You deserve respect and kindness.
7) They’re Hot and Cold
Once upon a time, I was close to someone who could be incredibly kind and caring one moment, then cold and aloof the next. Their unpredictable mood swings constantly left me on edge, and I never knew which version of them I would get.
This is a common strategy used by manipulative people. By being both hot and cold, they keep you guessing, creating an imbalance in the relationship. You find yourself walking on eggshells, trying not to upset them.
This inconsistency isn’t a sign of a volatile personality; it’s a calculated move to maintain control. Relationships should bring you comfort and consistency, not uncertainty and stress.
8) They isolate you from others
Manipulative people often try to isolate you from your friends and family. They want to be your only source of information and support, making you even more dependent on them.
They may make negative comments about your loved ones, or create situations that cause friction between you and others. The goal is slowly weaning you off your support system, leaving them as your sole anchor.
This isolation can be incredibly damaging, leaving you feeling alone and vulnerable.
9) They Make You Feel Like You’re Indebted to Them
The most important thing to remember about manipulative people is that they often use a tactic called “lending a helping hand.” They will do you a favor or help, making you feel like you owe them.
This debt is then used as leverage, exerting control over your actions and decisions. They remind you of their kindness or generosity, making you feel guilty if you don’t comply with their wishes.
But here’s the truth: true acts of kindness don’t come with strings attached. If someone constantly reminds you of their favors and expects something in return, that’s manipulation, not generosity.
Remember, you don’t owe anyone anything for their kindness. Don’t let anyone use their favors as a means of controlling you.
Final Thoughts: It’s About Self-Empowerment
Understanding the dynamics of manipulation is a crucial step toward protecting ourselves. However, it is equally important to remember that dealing with a manipulative person is not about winning a battle. It is about empowering yourself.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step. The next step is setting boundaries, asserting your rights, and asking for help if necessary. It is about finding the strength within yourself to say, “I am worthy of respect and kindness.”
American psychologist and author Dr. Wayne Dyer once said, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is your karma.” You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your reactions.
