Spotting a manipulative and controlling person is not always easy. They often hide their intentions behind a veil of charm or anxiety.
The key to identifying them is to closely monitor their behaviors. Manipulators, you see, have certain patterns that they follow; The warning signs that reveal them.
In this article, we’ll dive into these nine distinct behaviors. This way, you can arm yourself with knowledge and protect your peace.
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Remember, it’s not about being paranoid, it’s about being aware. Let’s dig in, shall we?
1) They always play the victim
Manipulative people have this strange talent of always making themselves the victim. It’s as if they have an invisible shield that avoids any blame or responsibility.
Their stories often revolve around how they were wronged or treated unfairly. This is a classic tactic to gain sympathy and distract from their controlling behavior. They want you to feel bad for them and, therefore, excuse their actions.
Also, by constantly portraying themselves as the victim, they keep you off balance. You end up in a constant state of guilt, thinking you did something wrong.
The key here is to recognize this pattern. If someone frequently plays the victim, especially when confronted about their behavior, you are likely dealing with a manipulator.
2) They never respect your boundaries
Personal experience comes to mind. I had a boyfriend who was constantly invading my personal space and ignoring my boundaries.
For example, I made it clear that I didn’t want to discuss my love life with him. However, he would often probe and demand information, dismissing my discomfort with a casual, “Oh, come on, we’re friends!”
This constant disregard for my boundaries was a huge red flag. Although it may seem harmless at first, this behavior is a classic sign of a manipulative person.
Respecting boundaries is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If someone constantly crosses these lines and ignores your feelings, this is a clear sign that they are trying to control and manipulate you.
3) They use gaslighting to confuse you
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation technique where a person seeks to plant seeds of doubt in the targeted individual, causing them to question their own perception and reason.
It’s named after the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” in which a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s going crazy.
Here’s how it works. Let’s say you confronted this person about something they did that upset you. Instead of discussing it, they twist the narrative, saying things like “This never happened” or “You’re just imagining things.”
Over time, this constant questioning may make you doubt your memory and perception. You start thinking maybe you’re too sensitive or maybe you’ve remembered it wrong.
This is a straightforward mind game area and one of the most powerful tools in a manipulator’s arsenal.
4) He blackmails you emotionally
Manipulative people are experts at emotional blackmail. They use guilt, fear, and commitment to control and manipulate you.
For example, they might say things like “If you really loved me, you would do this” or “I thought I could count on you, but I guess I was wrong.” These statements are designed to make you feel guilty or afraid, prompting you to act in a way that suits their needs.
This is not healthy behavior. In a balanced relationship, decisions should be made jointly while respecting each other’s feelings. It is never okay for someone to use your feelings against you.
5) They always turn the tables
Dealing with a manipulative person often feels like a never-ending spiral. You approach them about an issue, and before you know it, the tables are turned, and you’re the one getting defensive.
For example, you could say, “I felt hurt when you didn’t keep your promise.” Instead of addressing your feelings, they respond with, “Well, you broke your promises, too.”
Suddenly, the issue at hand is forgotten, and you are left fending for yourself. This tactic is a way for them to avoid responsibility and make you feel guilty instead.
Be careful of this. Real discussion involves listening and addressing each other’s concerns, not deflecting blame and changing the subject.
6) They undermine your self-esteem
Manipulative people often target your self-esteem, undermining your self-confidence and making you more dependent on them. This is one of their most harmful tactics, because it erodes your sense of self-worth.
They may belittle your accomplishments, dismiss your feelings, or constantly criticize you. These actions are designed to make you feel inferior and question your worth and abilities.
This can be very difficult to bear. But remember that their words and actions reflect on them, not you. You deserve respect and kindness.
7) It’s hot and cold
Once upon a time, I was close to someone who could be incredibly kind and caring one minute, and then cold and distant the next. Their unpredictable mood swings left me in a state of constant tension, and I never knew what version I would get.
This is a common strategy used by manipulative people. By being hot and cold, they keep you guessing, which creates an imbalance in the relationship. You find yourself walking on eggshells, trying not to upset him.
This contradiction is not a sign of a moody personality; It’s a calculated move to maintain control. Relationships should bring you comfort and stability, not uncertainty and stress.
8) They isolate you from others
Manipulative people often try to isolate you from your friends and family. They want to be your only source of information and support, making you more dependent on them.
They may make negative comments about your loved ones, or create situations that cause friction between you and others. The goal is to slowly separate you from your support system, leaving it as your only anchor.
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This isolation can be incredibly harmful, leaving you feeling alone and vulnerable.
9) They make you feel like you owe them
The most important thing to remember about manipulative people is that they often use a tactic called “scalping.” They will do you a favor or help you, making you feel like you owe them.
This debt is then used as leverage, exerting control over your actions and decisions. They remind you of their kindness and generosity, making you feel guilty if you don’t comply with their wishes.
But here’s the truth: true acts of kindness don’t come with strings attached. If someone is constantly reminding you of their services and expecting something in return, that’s manipulation, not generosity.
Remember that you do not owe anyone their kindness. Do not allow anyone to use their services as a means to control you.
