Do you think you have fallen in love with a narcissist but you are not sure? Does he or she believe they are the center of the universe? Are they arrogant, insensitive, selfish, self-important, manipulative, and full of themselves? Do they lack empathy?
If the person you love has any of these characteristics, you are likely in love with a narcissist. Your best plan of action is to disengage from this relationship as quickly as possible. It will end badly. Relationships with narcissists always do this.
The main reason why relationships with narcissists rarely last is because narcissists in romantic relationships rely on external traits. Most long-term relationships are built on core qualities—warmth, loyalty, trust—but not so for narcissists; All they care about is their image and they want their partner to be the person who makes them look good.
A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that narcissists not only choose so-called trophy partners, but that they are happier in their relationships when extrinsic traits are present.
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In the study conducted by researchers from Albright College in Reading, Pennsylvania, researcher Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D., led the study. 206 adults were questioned, including 143 who were in romantic relationships. Using the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, Seidman first identified each subject according to his or her narcissistic tendencies, as the study participants were not clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
Next, study participants were asked to rate how important certain traits—both intrinsic and extrinsic—are to their ideal relationship or romantic partner. People who were in relationships also rated their partners using the same list of traits and rated how satisfied they were with their relationship.
The study discovered that those with higher narcissistic tendencies were not only more likely to choose people with extrinsic traits (aka trophy partners), but they were actually happier in their relationship if those traits were present.
So what are the three things a narcissist needs in a partner to be happy in the relationship?
Their partner needs to be very attractive. Narcissists use people to make themselves look better.
Their partner must have a lot of money. Narcissists don’t want to work if they don’t have to, and many people are fascinated by large sums of money.
Their partner must have a high status. Narcissists believe that if their partner is successful, others will think they are equally, if not more successful, just by association.
With narcissists, it’s all about how things appear, not true connection or connection. If you are considering dating a narcissist or are in a relationship with a narcissist, remember that partners of narcissists tend to be happy at the beginning of the relationship. But over time, their happiness can quickly diminish.
