Look, sometimes, you’re the problem. Let’s leave that statement there to marinate for a minute.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t excuse myself for being needy and jealous in my platonic and romantic relationships, but I’d like to think I’m much better at dealing with it now.
Because that’s the thing I had to do. A lot of times, it’s on me. Sure some bouts of jealousy were warranted, but I was dangerously walking the line of becoming dependent on these people.
I was the problem. I was toxic.
Sound familiar? Something is waking up in your heart now? And it feels like a stone on your chest, right?
It’s like you’re always walking on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your past is hurting you and it rears its ugly head like hypervigilance.
Let’s talk about that.
If you no longer want to feel needy and jealous in your relationships, say goodbye to these 10 behaviors.
1) Accusing your partner without evidence
If you want to strengthen trust in your relationship, to reduce neediness and jealousy, make an effort not to accuse your partner unfoundedly.
Let me ask you this: If you were suddenly accused of infidelity without any evidence, would you feel relieved?
Personally, I hate it.
They say that there is nothing to fear if you have a clear conscience, and while this is true, it does not erase the fact that it is not good to be falsely accused.
Especially if it happens over and over again.
There is only so much energy you can put into trying to prove your innocence if the other person is already convinced of your wrongdoing.
Sometimes it’s hard to be objective when it comes to love, but we have to make an effort to do so. We can’t cry over infidelity without rhyme or reason.
Eventually, even those with a clear conscience will tire of it.
To clarify, if there are indications and evidence pointing to marital infidelity, then this is a completely different conversation. This is not that article.)
2) Expect your partner to constantly address your concerns
If you want to reduce your neediness and jealousy, understand that your partner is not your emotional rehabilitation. Your partner is not your therapist either.
Related : Narcissistic Family Roles – The Complicated Dynamics of Narcissistic Families
Eventually, innocent people will tire of dealing with it.
No matter how much someone loves you, you have no right to hurt them. It’s not a free pass to show them your concerns.
People can love you, but they can’t fix you.
3) Constantly check your partner’s social media for “clues”
Obsessively looking at who they follow online, who they follow, what posts they like, what they post, who they befriend, etc.
This is a controversial topic, isn’t it?
But hear me out: It’s not so bad if you look at your partner’s social media presence, but what’s worrying is if you do so to find fault.
It’s worrying when you don’t trust them enough to let them.
And even though I know there are nuances in relationships and they’re rarely black and white, I still wanted to ask this:
If you don’t trust your partner, if you’re miserable in the relationship, why are you still in it?
4) Snooping on your partner’s phone
Similar to those mentioned above. Snooping on your partner’s phone. Acceptable or not?
I know we will be divided on this, some people will find this acceptable, others will not.
Some people may feel defensive about this, and that’s noticeable too. You might think: “I have no problem with my partner looking at my phone.”
And that’s great! But you see, there’s the clincher, you’re okay with it. Would your partner be okay with that too?
Without consent, it is an invasion of privacy. If you want to build trust, respect their privacy.
5) Seeing everyone as a threat to your relationship
Look, everyone is busy trying to focus on their lives, and no one is paying close attention to your relationship (unless you’re famous).
Of course, I wouldn’t rule out the idea of some having their eyes on your friend; But living with constant animosity about people’s ability to destroy your relationship is extremely stressful.
This doesn’t mean you should let your guard down when instinct tells you to pay attention, but when can you enjoy your relationship if you’re spending all your energy worrying about others?
6) Not having a life outside your relationship
Wanting to be with your partner every moment of your life is unhealthy. There I said it.
You see, I’m fine with making your relationship a priority, but what I have a problem with is when it becomes a person’s only identity.
It becomes worrying when a relationship stops being an additional enrichment to your life, but instead becomes the only supporting force.
Because what if it ends? What happens next?
If you want to stop being needy and jealous, expand your focus. If your only view is your partner, you will over-focus on everything they do.
Go out, meet your friends, get a new hobby, divert your attention to hobbies other than your relationship.
7) Picking fights to get their attention
Picking a fight to get your partner’s attention is a great way down the list of things you can do to get his or her attention.
It is toxic and unhealthy.
Is this kind of attention really good? Is this kind of attention enough?
It can become a vicious cycle if you find pleasure in getting attention in any way possible. It can escalate into more outrageous behavior just to get a reaction.
Is this still love or just a performance of want?
8) Ignore your partner’s boundaries
Do you even know your partner’s limits? Do you know yours? Let’s start with that.
Although it is wise to mention that sometimes, people will not know their own limits until they are crossed. That’s why it’s important to constantly check in with each other.
You can’t push and pressure people’s bottom line and expect that they won’t get angry.
Respect is the minimum in a relationship, practice it frequently.
9) Emotionally manipulating your partner to get what you want
“If you love me, you should…” is a manipulative sentence. It’s forced and is as close to an ultimatum as you can get without being a direct ultimatum.
It’s a veiled threat presented as romantic. If you want to build trust in your relationship, avoid resorting to emotional manipulation.
Mind manipulation? Love bombing? The silent treatment? Feeling guilty tripping? Playing the victim?
Emotional manipulation is where love, trust and respect die.
10) Not identifying the root cause of your jealousy
Finally, you need to determine the root cause of your jealousy.
It is only a temporary solution if you try to stop doing this or that to reduce your neediness and jealousy without identifying the root cause.
What makes you jealous?
Is it something your partner does? Is it the way a certain action or reaction makes you feel? Does he remind you of someone else?
reflects. Figure out what’s bothering you, then decide if it’s something you’re ready to heal from.
Because that? this is important. Unless you are ready to heal, no one can force you to do so.
It is up to you to be objective in your actions. It’s up to you if you want to ask for help.
It is up to you to move forward.
