If You Do These 5 Things, You're Probably Attracting Heartless Narcissists |

Your feet have been swept with compliments, lavish dinners and lavish gifts – you think you’ve found a McDreamy. When you describe the surreal time you spend with your friends, it sounds like you’re talking about a movie.

However, as you continue dating, you start to notice that it’s really all about him. He constantly talks about himself, prioritizes his needs over yours, is overly sensitive to any form of criticism – and is obsessed with status (fancy dinner dates at exclusive restaurants are starting to make sense).

You find that emotional intimacy is impossible, your relationship begins to fade, and you realize that it has happened again.

Only 7.7% of men have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but you may have dated one, or maybe even several, because they often flock to a certain type of woman. If you often date men who care deeply about you, you may have noticed a pattern. After the intense courtship is over, he’s quick to criticize and belittle you if you express any kind of resistance to his need to put himself first.

As a therapist, I have seen this seriously damage women’s self-esteem and well-being. Over time, I noticed that narcissists look for certain traits in potential romantic partners. So I spoke with other experts in my field to discuss trends and discovered that there are five common traits a narcissist looks for in a woman.

Do any of these sound like you?

You are outwardly successful but perhaps a little insecure.

It may be hard to admit it, but if you feel insecure about yourself even if you are attractive, put-together, and successful, you may be advertising yourself as a perfect fit for the narcissist. “Narcissists tend to look for people who will fill a mold of what they think will make them look good,” says Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed Gottman marriage therapist and family therapist. “In essence, [the narcissist’s] partner may be viewed as an accessory,” she explains. A narcissistic man is attracted to a woman who looks beautiful and accomplished, not because he likes that person, but because her appearance and accomplishments feed his ego.

However, the narcissist also wants a woman who is not too confident because he wants to run the show. So, if he senses your insecurities, he will be more attracted to you because you are less likely to threaten his success, whether real or perceived. While it may be uncomfortable to admit your insecurities, owning them and making a plan to increase your self-confidence can help. When the narcissist senses your strong sense of trust, he will back off.

You are a people-pleaser (and you can’t help it).
Of course, we all want the person we’re dating to be happy, but if that comes at the expense of your health, it’s unhealthy. The narcissist is looking for someone who will give him constant attention and emotional validation at any cost. Psychotherapist and author, Karen Koenig, says individuals who attract narcissists often “don’t have a strong sense of who they are and what they want because they don’t think it’s okay to take care of their own needs.”

A narcissist is someone who monopolizes a relationship and never compromises. He’s just demanding. Setting boundaries so that your needs are acknowledged and met in the relationship can help prevent you from digging too deep and possibly falling into a trap.

You avoid conflict like the plague.
While few people are actually fans of conflict, if you avoid conflict at all costs, you may make yourself more attractive to a narcissist. Narcissists tend to choose someone who is “low in avoiding harm and high in cooperation,” says Patti Wood, a body language expert and author. If you tend to give in easily to the desires or demands of others at work or business. In your personal life in order to avoid conflict, you may fit the ideal profile of a potential partner for a narcissist.

If you often put your own needs and opinions aside in order to avoid conflict in the relationship, you will easily fall prey to the narcissist who thrives when others provide the compassion and attention they crave. Yes, it is important to be willing to compromise in a relationship, but being a doormat does not mean compromising.

You’re ignoring red flags.
One of the big red flags of narcissistic behavior is never taking responsibility for any negative events in one’s life. Narcissists are known to play the victim when things don’t go their way, explains Patti Wood, and they often blame their exes, bosses, and friends for anything negative that happened in the past.

Don’t make the mistake of ignoring this important red flag. If you’re quick to point out that your date was calling their ex “evil” or saying their boss was “out to get him,” you’re sending signals that you’re okay with him blaming others for his mistakes. Yes, we all make mistakes. But when someone refuses to take responsibility for their role in an event at all, you risk your future happiness and well-being because they will soon start blaming you when things don’t go well.

You got carried away with the romance on the first date.
It’s easy to allow yourself to be impressed after the first date, especially when you’re dating a narcissist (who is very attractive and charming at first!). Although it usually takes some time for a narcissist to reveal their true colors, there are some subtle signs you can look for on a first date to help you steer clear of a second date. Look beyond the “love bombing” and overwhelming compliments and ask the following questions:

Is there any pushback in the conversation or is it complete control?
Does he accept your opinions even if you disagree with each other?
Does he have certain rights, or expect special treatment?
Is he rude to the wait staff or waiter?
Is he superior on a first date?
Is it invading your space?
If the answer is a resounding “yes” to one or more of these questions, it’s a sign that he’s not worthy of a second date, even if it happens at a Michelin-starred restaurant. The narcissist believes he is the sun, and is looking for someone to orbit his world and make it look good without causing too much trouble.

Being confident in yourself, standing up for your needs and opinions, firmly enforcing boundaries, and not being afraid to say no and walk away will help send a message to your narcissist that you won’t fit into his self-obsessed world. .

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