It’s horrifying to think that you might be manipulative without even realizing it.
I went through this a few years ago, and funny enough, it happened when I started writing full-time. I was forced to question my behavior through the advice I gave to others.
From ignoring to feeling guilty, I didn’t realize the impact my behavior was having on others.
So, while this article may not be easy for you to read, it will be helpful.
Because I’m not only going to share with you 10 manipulative behaviors you might be exhibiting without even realizing it, but also how to change things for the better.
Let’s get started:
1) Guilt
Ah, the old “guilt.”
Have you ever resorted to reminding someone of all the good things you’ve done for them when you want something in return?
The main problem with this tactic is that it drives people into a corner. It’s asking them to act not out of desire or fairness, but out of guilt.
But wait, you’re not alone—I spent the first three years of my relationship taking “everything I do” for granted. It wasn’t until I saw how I was shaming him that I realized this wasn’t healthy for our relationship.
After all, you don’t want your loved ones to feel like they owe you anything, right?
Real relationships thrive on freedom, not obligation.
So the next time you’re tempted to say, “After everything I’ve done for you,” check yourself. You should both do things for each other without conditions.
2) Play the Victim
Portraying yourself as a perpetual victim may initially gain you sympathy—you may think it’s the only way to get the understanding you crave.
But ultimately, it disempowers you and the people around you. If you’re always the one who needs saving, you’re not only losing your empowerment, you’re also silencing the other person.
You might find your partner, parent, or friend saying things like, “I can never win.” or “I’m always wrong.”
This is a big sign that playing the victim makes them feel like they can never call you out on your mistakes.
And you will make mistakes – that’s part of every relationship.
So how can you change this behavior? Because I know you’re not doing it on purpose.
Try to take a step back before you feel sorry for yourself. Look at the whole situation – what role did you play in the argument/disagreement/disagreement? Is it the other person’s fault?
3) Emotional manipulation
Emotional manipulation is insidious because it makes a person question their reality.
Phrases like “you’re being too sensitive” or “you’re overreacting” diminish the other person’s feelings.
But the thing is, even if you feel like they’re overreacting, it’s important to remember that we all perceive things differently.
Our feelings are different. What bothers your partner or friend may not bother you as much.
One of my exes used to call me “oversensitive” all the time. In his eyes, he was showing “tough love.”
But it was hurtful, and I ended up rejecting my (valid) feelings as a result.
It may sound dramatic, but questioning someone’s emotional experience is like denying their existence. Let’s not go there—instead, try to be more empathetic.
4) The Silent Treatment
Another behavior you might display that’s manipulative is giving the cold shoulder.
But the truth is, using the silent treatment as a form of punishment leaves the other person in the dark, struggling to figure out what went wrong.
It’s a power play, and let’s be honest, it never improves the situation, does it?
Now, the point of this article isn’t to make you feel like a terrible person. We all make those mistakes.
So before you start feeling bad, refocus your attention on doing better. You and I both know that communication is everything in a relationship.
The next time you’re feeling upset but need some space to cool down, say… “I’m really upset right now. Let’s talk in an hour or two.”
Something as simple as this can make a huge difference.
5) Sarcasm and “Just kidding”
Sarcasm has its place in humor, but when does it cross the line?
Do your sarcastic remarks often target someone’s weaknesses?
What you consider a joke can be hurtful to someone else.
A dear friend of mine got married a few years ago. Her husband is a nice guy, but he has a bad habit of making personal jokes about her in front of other people.
She laughs, but you can see that it bothers her. I don’t think he realizes the impact it’s having
This shows that even if your heart is in the right place, it can negatively impact the other person, making them feel insecure and embarrassed.
6) Withholding Information
I used to omit details to avoid causing trouble. With my parents, and even with my current partner.
I often did this thinking I was doing them a favor, but recently I started to realize that I was being dishonest. Without meaning to, I was deceiving my loved ones.
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As you can see, withholding important information is not as harmless as you might think.
Withholding the facts limits the other person’s ability to make informed decisions. They will begin to doubt the things you say once they realize what you are doing.
Ultimately, this is a breach of trust.
So, my advice?
Be completely honest. Even if it is uncomfortable. Even if it hurts the other person. At least they will know that they can trust you and your word completely.
7) Double Standards
I think we’re all guilty of doing this sometimes…
You’re in a relationship, and while it’s okay to go out for drinks late at night, suddenly, if your partner wants to do it, that’s a problem.
But the truth is, double standards are a slippery slope to an unhappy relationship. It’s not fair.
Let’s be real here—fairness is a sign of respect. It shows that you value your partner (or friend or family member) enough to treat them with the same respect you show yourself.
So, if you find yourself adopting double standards, start working on your self-awareness.
When you’re about to criticize someone else for doing something, pause for a minute. Think about your expectations and behavior before commenting on what someone else should or shouldn’t do.
8) Love Bombing
Let me tell you the problem with love bombing:
It’s a slippery slope to dependency.
What most people don’t realize is that this isn’t just limited to romantic partners; love bombing can happen between friends and family, too.
In this case, you bombard them with affection, gifts, and attention.
You may think you’re doing a good thing now. Everyone wants to feel loved, right?
An ex-girlfriend did this to me – constant texts, wanting to meet up all the time, and being so generous. But one day, she responded late to a text because of work. I got really mad about it.
I almost felt like she was being rude, and I was expected to be at her beck and call. It’s safe to say that the friendship didn’t last long!
So the lesson from this is, to be honest. Don’t feel like you have to shower people with love or attention if it’s not from the heart.
9) Emotional Blackmail
Exploiting an emotional bond to get what you want is unacceptable.
Saying, “If you loved me, you would do this for me” is setting the other person up for a trap.
And I get it, maybe you do it in a nice, non-malicious way… “Honey… if you loved me, you would take out the trash…” I know I’ve been guilty of this in the past.
But sadly, this isn’t love; it’s coercion.
It’s manipulating their emotions into commitment, just as we discussed earlier. It’s a form of “guilt,” even if you don’t mean it that way.
Let’s go back to basics; true love gives freely and expects nothing in return.
If you find yourself being taken advantage of in love, it’s time to rethink your understanding of what love is.
10) Projecting Your Feelings
Do you blame others for your feelings or reactions? Be honest with yourself.
Phrases like “You make me feel stupid” or “You’re driving me crazy” shift responsibility for your emotional state onto someone else.
But here’s a truth bombshell to consider:
Your feelings are yours to manage, not someone else’s burden.
Instead of blaming others, try to explore why you feel the way you do. Personal accountability is empowering; embrace it.
I’ve started to rein myself in when I’m in a bad mood and my first instinct is to blame my partner. Once I take a step back and assess my feelings, I’m usually able to pinpoint the real reason why I’m upset.
And trust me, it’s made a positive difference in my relationship.
The Bottom Line
So, we’ve covered 10 manipulative behaviors (that you may not even realize you’re exhibiting)… you probably need to do some deep reflection and introspection right now.
And that’s a good thing! We’re all constantly learning and improving, so don’t beat yourself up if you’re guilty of any of the behaviors above. What you do now is what matters most.
