It’s terrible to think that you can be manipulative without even realizing it.

I went through this a few years ago, funny enough, when I started writing full-time. I have been forced to question my behavior through the advice I have given to others.

From not caring to feeling guilty, I never realized the impact my behavior had on others.

So, although this article may not be an “easy” read for you, it will be helpful.

Not only will I share 10 manipulative behaviors you may be exhibiting without even realizing it, but also how to change things for the better.

Let’s dive into:

1) Stumbling upon guilt

Ah, the old “guilt trip.”

Have you ever resorted to reminding someone of all the good things you’ve done for them when you want something in return?

The main problem with this tactic is that it pushes people into a corner. They are asked to act not out of desire or fairness, but out of guilt.

But hey, you’re not alone, I spent the first three years of my relationship with my partner “whatever I do.” It wasn’t until I saw how much I was actually shaming him that I realized this wasn’t healthy for our relationship.

After all, you don’t want your loved ones to feel like they owe you, right?

True relationships thrive on freedom, not commitment.

So next time you feel like saying, “After all I’ve done for you,” check yourself. Both of you should do things unconditionally for each other.

2) Playing the victim

Portraying yourself as the perpetual victim may gain you sympathy at first — and you may think that’s the only way to get the understanding you crave.

But in the long run, it weakens you and the people around you. If you are always the one who needs rescuing, not only are you missing out on empowering yourself, but you are also stifling the other person’s voice.

You may find your partner, parent, or friend saying things like: “I can never win.” Or “I’m always wrong.”

This is a big indicator that playing the victim makes them feel like they will never be able to tell you when you’re wrong.

And you will make mistakes – that’s part of every relationship.

So, how can you change this behavior? Because I know you’re not doing it on purpose.

Try taking a step back before you feel sorry for yourself. Look at the whole situation – what role did you play in the argument/disagreement/disagreement? Is it all really the other person’s fault?

3) Gas lighting

Gaslighting is insidious because it makes a person doubt their reality.

Statements like “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting” minimize the other person’s feelings.

But here’s the thing, even if you feel like they’re overreacting, it’s important to remember that each of us perceives things differently.

Our emotions are different. What bothers your partner or friend may not bother you as much.

One of my ex-boyfriends always called me “too sensitive.” There was “tough love” in his eyes.

But it was really hurtful, and I ended up rejecting my (good) feelings as a result.

It may sound dramatic, but questioning someone’s emotional experience is like denying their existence. Let’s not go there – instead, try to be more compassionate.

4) The silent treatment

Another behavior you may display that is manipulative is the cold shoulder.

But the truth is that using the silent treatment as a form of punishment leaves the other person in limbo, struggling to figure out what went wrong.

It’s a power play, and let’s be honest, it never improves the situation, right?

Now, the point of this article is not to make you feel like a terrible person. We all make these mistakes.

So, before you start feeling bad, refocus your attention on doing better. You and I know that communication is everything in a relationship.

Next time you’re feeling upset but need some space to calm down, say this… “I’m really angry right now. Let’s talk in an hour or two.”

Something as simple as this can make a world of difference.

5) Sarcasm and “just kidding”

Sarcasm has its place in humor, but when does it cross the line?

Do your sarcastic comments often target someone’s weaknesses?

What you consider “just a joke” could be harmful to someone else.

A nice friend of mine got married a few years ago. Her husband is actually a nice person, but he has a bad habit of making cute personal jokes about her in front of others.

She laughs but you can tell it bothers her. I don’t think he realizes the impact of that.

So it shows that even if your heart is in the right place, you may be negatively affecting the other person, which may cause them to feel insecure and embarrassed.

6) Withholding information

I used to omit details to avoid rocking the boat. With my parents, and even with my current partner.

I often did this thinking I was doing them a favor, but recently I began to realize that I was actually being dishonest. Unwittingly, I was deceiving my loved ones.

As you can see, deleting important information is not as harmful as you think.

Withholding facts limits the other person’s ability to make informed decisions. They will start to doubt the things you say once they realize what you do.

Ultimately, this is a breach of trust.

So, my advice?

Be completely honest. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it hurts the other person. At least they’ll know they can trust you and your word completely.

7) Double standards

This is something I think we’re all guilty of doing sometimes…

You’re in a relationship, and even though it’s okay to go out for drinks late at night, suddenly, if your partner wants to do that, it’s a problem.

But the truth is that having double standards is a slippery path to an unhappy relationship. not fair.

Let’s be real here – fairness is a sign of respect. It shows that you value your partner (or friend or family member) enough to treat them with the same respect you show yourself.

So, if you find that you have double standards, start working on your self-awareness.

When you want to call someone else to do something, stop for a minute. Think about your own expectations and behavior before you comment on what another person should or should not do.

8) Love bombing

Let me tell you the problem of love bombing:

It’s a slippery slope toward dependency.

What most people don’t realize is that it’s not just romantic partners; Love bombing can happen between friends and family as well.

This is where you “bombard” them with affection, gifts, and attention.

Now, you might think you’re doing something good. Everyone wants to feel loved, right?

A (former) boyfriend did this to me – constant messages, wanting to meet up all the time, and he was so generous. But one day, I replied late to a message because of work. And I felt very angry about that.

It almost felt like she was stepping up to the plate, and I was expected to be at her beck and call. It’s safe to say that the friendship didn’t last long!

So the lesson we learn from this is to be honest. Don’t feel like you have to shower love and attention on others if it doesn’t come from the heart.

9) Emotional blackmail

Taking advantage of your emotional bond to get what you want is a no-no.

Saying “If you loved me, you would do this for me” traps the other person.

And I get it, maybe you’re doing it in a nice way, without malice… “Honey… if you really loved me, you’d take out the trash..” I know I’ve been guilty of this in the past.

But I’m sorry to say it, but this is not love; This is coercion.

He manipulates their affection into commitment, just as we discussed earlier. It’s a form of “guilt tripping” even if you don’t mean it that way.

Let’s take it back to basics; True love gives freely and expects nothing in return.

If you find yourself taking advantage of love, it’s time to reconsider your understanding of what true love means.

10) Show your feelings

Do you blame others for your feelings or reactions? Be honest with yourself.

Statements like “You’re making me feel stupid” or “You’re driving me crazy” shift responsibility for your emotional state onto someone else.

But here’s the truth bomb to consider:

Your feelings are yours to control, not a burden on someone else.

Instead of blaming others, try exploring why you feel this way. Personal accountability is empowering; Accept it.

I’ve started to restrain myself when I’m in a bad mood, and my first instinct is to blame my partner. Only by taking a break and evaluating my feelings am I usually able to pinpoint the real reason I’m feeling angry.

And trust me, this has made a positive difference in my relationship.

Conclusion

So, we’ve covered 10 manipulative behaviors (you may not realize you’re exhibiting)… Now you may need to do some deep thinking and contemplation.

And that’s a good thing! We are all constantly learning and improving, so don’t beat yourself up if you are guilty of some of the above behaviors. It’s what you do now that matters most.

Conclusion

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