It hurts to know that someone is upset with you. It’s even more annoying when they’re not open about it.
They may put up a charming facade, but their malicious feelings still come through in coldness or passive-aggressive comments.
The hard thing is knowing what’s really bothering them.
If someone uses these eight phrases, they are holding a grudge against you.
Maybe it’s time to address the underlying problem head on.
1) It’s not a big deal.
When you offend or disappoint someone, they may ignore it at first.
In fact, this is how grudges are born.
You say or do something stupid without realizing that the other person is taking your incident harder than it seems.
You can admit that you made a mistake and apologize, but the damage has already been done.
The more the other person thought about it, the more upset he became.
While you assume everything is fine, they continue to react and silently get angry.
And before you know it, they start turning away from you.
Which brings me to the next point on the list.
2) Sorry, I can’t do that.
If someone keeps canceling plans with you or refuses to make them outright, they’re likely holding a grudge against you.
People need time to sort out their feelings, and they often do this by keeping their distance. Feeling hurt may cause them to lie down for a while and avoid you.
Since you don’t know something is wrong, you continue to communicate, but your efforts to communicate fail miserably.
This usually happens when you begin to wonder whether your actions are more harmful than you initially assessed.
3) You always have to be right, right?
Sometimes, the injured party cannot physically distance themselves from you.
Maybe you two work together. Or maybe they are a partner, friend or family member.
If it’s the latter, they probably still care deeply about you, so they may try to bury their hurt feelings in an attempt to keep the relationship in good shape.
However, their suffering is still shown indirectly – usually through sarcasm or passive-aggressive comments.
As they keep repeating what happened, they become more and more angry, so they attack you at the strangest moments.
Persistent feelings of resentment have a lasting impact on a person’s thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
If someone attacks you without a good reason, there may be something deeper going on.
4) Wow, it must be nice to always be the center of attention.
Likewise, if someone holds a grudge against you, they may lash out at you with hidden jabs.
They mask criticism with humor or spontaneity, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
If you call them out on it and they’re not willing to talk about what’s really bothering them, they’ll say you’re taking their comments too seriously.
Over time, these jabs have a negative impact on you and the person holding on to the resentment. Your relationship will continue to suffer.
On the one hand, you will be confused about what drives them to be so hostile. On the other hand, they will continue to be secretly annoyed with you.
In this scenario, no one wins.
5) You won’t understand. You didn’t.
Holding a grudge involves not being able to let go of anger about a past event.
Often, this persistent anger causes a person to view the person who has wronged them in a less flattering light and make negative assumptions about their behavior.
I went through something like this with one of my cousins. She was having difficulties with her partner, and I tried to console her.
Her reaction? She started screaming about how I should stop telling her that I understood what she was feeling because I never did.
It turns out she was holding a grudge about an incident that happened years ago.
Although she would never admit it openly, it made her think I was ignorant and that she was misunderstood.
I held this assumption so tightly that over time it became true.
She stopped opening up to me, so I was really ignorant. It’s hard to understand how someone feels when they’re not honest with you.
6) Ah, this is so annoying!
When you’re annoyed with someone, everything they do suddenly becomes annoying.
If someone previously treated you positively but now starts behaving differently, this could be a sign that they are holding a grudge.
Saying they find you or your behavior annoying is a clear sign that something has changed between you.
However, in some cases, they may express their discomfort in less obvious ways:
- They interrupt you or talk over you
- They seem uninterested in everything you have to say
- Their body language is aggressive (rolling eyes, avoiding eye contact, crossing their arms)
- It takes longer than usual to respond to your messages or requests
- They keep their interactions with you limited and direct
7) You are so wrong!
Alternatively, the person holding a grudge may contradict you at every turn.
It is their burning anger speaking.
directly with you.
So, they adopt an opinion or belief that they know you don’t agree with just to get a lift from you.
Let’s say you’re talking about your favorite movie. You know the other person loves the movie too, but unexpectedly starts criticizing it, saying it hasn’t aged well. Oh, and now that they think about it, the acting is bad too.
It’s childish, but resentment can make people say the strangest things.
8) Can we talk?
Finally, the person who holds a grudge against you may finally want to talk about it.
They realize that grudges are unproductive and want to get rid of them, so they reach out and start a conversation.
This is an excellent sign, because it shows that the person is still interested in having a relationship with you even though he has been carrying negative feelings for a long time.
Otherwise, they will continue to drift away until they become someone you used to know.
Bottom line
Resolving a grudge takes time. Don’t expect immediate results.
Be patient and consistent in your efforts to repair broken trust, but don’t let the person’s erratic behavior affect your health.
If you have already apologized for the role you played in the disagreement, it may be best to give the person space.
Everyone must process events on their own time.
Hopefully, you’ll eventually be able to reconcile — and your relationship will be much stronger because of it.
