People gossip for a variety of reasons. Some are jealous of your success, looks, or achievements, while others find it fun to talk about others behind their backs.
Whatever the reason, gossiping can be fun but it can also be harmful to the recipient.
But can you spot a colleague or “friend” who is gossiping about you to others? You definitely can.
So, let’s explore the hidden behaviors that people who gossip behind your back usually exhibit.
1) Unusually Friendly
Being overly friendly is a bit creepy. It’s like these people are trying too hard to be nice to you while they’re gossiping behind your back.
If you see all smiles on the surface, you know that there might be some hidden negativity lurking underneath.
So, if someone is suddenly showering you with overly friendly kindness, it’s worth keeping your radar open for any signs of gossiping going on behind the scenes.
2) Overreactions
If they’re blowing things out of proportion, it can be a distraction. They are trying to divert attention away from the gossip itself.
The idea here is to create a scene, a big fuss, or a distraction from the real issue – the gossip they are spreading.
By overreacting, they hope you will focus on the drama they are creating rather than questioning the gossip they are involved in.
I saw this happen in the office I worked in, and you can see something happening.
3) Inconsistent Stories
Gossipers will often tell you one story and someone else another. If you want to get to the bottom of something, you have to dig deeper and see if you can catch them telling inconsistent things.
If their stories don’t match up, it’s because they are playing around with different versions of the gossip. Inconsistencies show that they are not being honest with you.
This could be a sign that they are talking bad things behind your back.
4) Quiet, whispered conversations
When people talk quietly or in private, it could mean they are creating a little club without you. They intentionally withhold information from you, making you feel excluded.
But let’s get to the point for a moment. Just because people are talking without you, doesn’t mean they’re talking about you. However, I’m not going to be naive and assume that everyone is a good person.
What I’ve noticed is that the less work people do at their jobs, the more time they have to fill, which is why many of them resort to gossiping.
Just think about it: when you’re overwhelmed with things you have to do, the last thing you want to think about is other people.
5) Sudden Silence
You know how in old Western movies when the hero walks into a saloon, and everyone suddenly shuts up and looks at him?
Well, that can sometimes happen when people are talking behind your back when you enter a room or office.
If everyone stops talking the moment you walk in, it’s not just a coincidence. They’re hiding something, and they quickly change the subject to prevent you from finding out.
6) Avoiding Eye Contact
When people don’t look you in the eye, it’s not just shyness. Some people feel guilty that they’ve been talking about you, and they can’t face you honestly.
The lack of eye contact becomes a non-verbal acknowledgment that something is wrong and that they’re not being completely honest with you.
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It’s a subtle but powerful signal that there may be more to the story than meets the eye and that they’re struggling to face you directly.
7) Fake Smiles
The same can be said about the fake smiles you might catch on someone’s face when you’re talking to them.
They may be harboring negativity or criticism, especially if there’s gossip.
A real smile doesn’t just involve the lips but also the eyes – it’s an expression of warmth and happiness across the entire face.
A fake smile, on the other hand, lacks this genuine warmth. The smile becomes a cover, an attempt to present a friendly facade while hiding less positive feelings.
But it’s also part of the whole body language that someone is presenting.
8) Uncomfortable Body Language
Uncomfortable body language speaks volumes, and when you notice fidgeting, arms crossed, or turning away, you are essentially witnessing the physical manifestations of inner turmoil.
These non-verbal cues indicate that whatever is said about you has a significant impact on their emotional state.
It is easy to notice when you spend a long time with someone, and then they suddenly start acting this way.
But even if you don’t know them well, it is still easy to spot because it is disgusting. Have you noticed how people suddenly change the subject when they see you?
9) Changes in Conversation
If they suddenly change the subject when you approach them, they are trying to act normal and hide the fact that they were just discussing things about you.
I’ve seen this happen enough times to know exactly what’s going on. And if you haven’t witnessed it in person, you’ve seen it on TV, as it’s featured on every TV show that’s set in a work environment, like The Office or Superstore.
However, it’s strange to see it happen in real life, as people suddenly change the subject when you come in.
10) Exclusion
When you find yourself constantly being excluded from plans or groups, it means that the social dynamics are changing, and the message is, “We’ve talked, and we’re not okay with you right now.”
When you’re being excluded, it’s a form of passive-aggressive behavior, expressing disagreement without directly confronting you.
Take a moment to think about the possible reasons behind the exclusion. Think about your recent interactions and any potential sources of conflict or misunderstanding.
It’s normal to feel hurt or upset, but try to remain calm and collected. Reacting rashly can make the situation worse. So, take some time to process your feelings before deciding on a course of action.
If you’re okay with it, try to talk openly and honestly with the people involved. Ask them about any potential misunderstandings and share your feelings.
Keep things calm, avoid getting into a fight, and work on understanding each other better.
11) Stares and Angry Looks
The eyes, often called the windows to the soul, can reveal a lot about what someone is thinking or feeling.
In this case, stares and angry looks become a form of communication, a way for a person to express their negativity without actually saying it.
These critical looks? They’re not random. They’re expressing negative opinions about you without actually saying anything.
They make you feel like you’re under a microscope, and the negative feelings behind them probably stem from gossip or opinions they’ve formed about you.
So, what should you do about it?
But what should you do if you catch them in the act? First, stay calm and don’t give them more material by acting hysterical or anything like that.
Take a deep breath and approach the situation rationally. Consider talking to trusted friends or colleagues to get an idea of what’s being said and how widespread it is.
Start documenting these instances, as this will be helpful if you decide to escalate things.
Just know that not every piece of gossip is worth dealing with. Evaluate the situation and decide whether it’s worth your time and energy to address it or whether it’s something you can let go of.
If the gossip is causing you significant problems, and you’re comfortable doing so, find a mediator (such as your HR department, if it’s happening in the workplace) or someone neutral who can help with the situation.
Let people know that spreading rumors or gossiping is unacceptable and that you expect respectful, open communication.
