If someone is emotionally manipulating you, they’ll display these 8 subtle behaviors

Emotional manipulation is an indirect but damaging form of abuse that leaves victims feeling confused and helpless.

Even worse, while overt forms of manipulation are easier to spot, subtle techniques are harder to recognize: a means of controlling you.

If someone is emotionally manipulating you, they will exhibit these eight subtle behaviors.

Don’t fall for their underhanded tactics.

1) Minimizing or ignoring your feelings

“I wasn’t flirting with that person, you’re just being overly sensitive as usual.”

“I never said that; you’re putting words in my mouth.”

“I wouldn’t have to yell at you if you didn’t make me feel so angry.”

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

When someone is emotionally manipulating you, manipulation is a common means of attack.

This technique involves denying or minimizing your feelings and experiences, to the point where you may even begin to question your reality.

By constantly twisting the facts, they dismiss your concerns and make you doubt yourself.

In the long run, you’ll start to question everything from your perception of events to your memory to your feelings and emotions.

Don’t let it get that far.

2) Play the Victim

Emotional manipulators often portray themselves as the victim to gain sympathy.

A common tactic is to exaggerate their struggles and portray themselves as enduring constant hardships.

They exaggerate minor inconveniences, painting themselves as perpetual victims of circumstance.

They don’t overspend; they’re constantly bombarded with ads, so how can they resist?

Their tires didn’t blow out; they broke down, leaving them stranded and helpless for hours on end.

You get the idea.

By exaggerating their suffering, they seek to evoke feelings of sympathy, making you more likely to do what they want.

Emotional manipulators may also resort to guilt to achieve their goals.

They will repeatedly remind you of everything they have sacrificed or suffered on your behalf, reinforcing a sense of debt.

You will then have no choice but to do things their way.

Finally, they may play on their weaknesses or past traumas, appealing to your compassionate side.

Whichever option they choose, don’t let them get away with it.

3) Blame

Manipulators often shift blame onto others to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

They may blame you for their problems or mistakes, making you responsible for their well-being.

For a brief period of years ago, I had a boss who was… not up for the job.

He had the makings of a leader but shirked responsibility.

If a deadline was missed or a project failed, he would direct his anger at us, his subordinates, when his poor management skills were usually the culprit.

Instead of acknowledging his failure, he would berate us for being incompetent and lazy.

Needless to say, he didn’t last long in this position.

When someone manipulates you into accepting blame for their problems, your self-esteem suffers.

Protect yourself.

4) The silent treatment

The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of emotional manipulation, especially in the context of a romantic relationship.

Unfortunately, it’s also a frequent tactic that manipulators use to punish you for perceived wrongdoings or to gain control of a situation.

They ignore you in the hope that their silence will eventually make you give in.

When one partner refuses to engage in dialogue, it creates a deep sense of emotional distance and isolation, leaving the other partner feeling rejected.

The desire to re-establish intimacy leads you to give in to your silent partner’s demands or apologize for something you don’t take responsibility for.

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This actively undermines the foundation of trust and communication that a healthy relationship should be built on.

In addition, your partner may take things to the next level.

This brings me to my next point.

5) Withholding Consent

Another manipulation tactic similar to the silent treatment is withholding consent.

Manipulators can use affection or validation as a bargaining tool to control their behavior.

Do something that aligns with what they want? You’ll receive a flood of praise.

Do something that goes against your partner’s wishes? They’ll treat you like an outcast.

When you’re fighting with a loved one and they don’t get what they want, it’s natural for them to get a little upset.

However, they should never punish you for doing something they don’t agree with by withholding their support.

If this is their usual response, then a serious conversation is definitely in order.

6) Exposing You to Mood Swings

If someone is emotionally manipulating you, you may notice that their moods fluctuate excessively.

They display erratic behavior as a way to keep you off balance and unsure of how to respond.

One moment they are overly emotional, and the next they are incredibly cold.

By creating a sense of instability in the relationship, they hope to instill a sense of dependency and vulnerability in you.

They try to control you by making you seek their approval, which is something you shouldn’t do if the relationship is on solid ground.

I had a childhood friend whose father was the model parent for this type of behavior.

When she got good grades and behaved well, he showered her with gifts and attention.

When she came home late or spent time with children her father didn’t approve of, he acted aloof and ignored her.

If you care about someone, you want them to feel secure in your relationship no matter what.

Unfortunately, not everyone gets the message.

7) Isolating You from Your Support System

Emotional manipulators may try to isolate you from friends, family, or other sources of support to exert greater control over you.

Their ultimate goal is to make you feel dependent on them, so they subtly sabotage your other relationships.

While you may think such tactics are obvious, that’s not always the case.

A skilled emotional manipulator will claim to be acting in your best interests, so you may be inclined to believe them or give them the benefit of the doubt.

There are some common strategies they use to undermine your relationships:

• They discourage you from spending time with your friends and family, claiming that they don’t understand you or are just taking advantage of you.
• They incite conflict between you and your loved ones to create tension.
• They say they just want to spend more time with you, so they keep you away from everyone else.
• They put people in your immediate support system in a bad light, suggesting that they are untrustworthy
  At the end of the day, remember that you know your closest friends and relatives much better than the manipulator does.

Don’t let them ruin your other relationships.

8) Push boundaries

Your first line of defense against an emotional manipulator is to set boundaries.

The problem is that they often ignore these boundaries to further their agenda.

They may invade your privacy or pressure you into doing activities you’re uncomfortable with.

And if you try to reestablish boundaries?

They give you an ultimatum.

Either you do it their way, or they disappear from your life or hurt themselves.

This isn’t particularly subtle, so it’s usually a last resort.

If you’ve noticed all the points above on the list and acted on them promptly, you won’t allow them to get that far.

Final Thoughts

Recognizing these subtle behaviors is the first step to protecting yourself from emotional manipulation.

Trust your gut, note any manipulative tactics you notice, and reach out to your loved ones for support.

If your emotional manipulator continues in their devious ways, consider distancing yourself from them.

You deserve to be treated with respect, and your independence is non-negotiable.

Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.