You’ve probably heard of the concept of psychological manipulation — someone who uses manipulation to make someone question their judgment or, in extreme cases, even their sanity.
It sounds so dramatic, you might imagine someone doing something drastic to make this happen.
But in reality, it can be more common than you think, and you may not even realize that someone is doing it.
I didn’t understand what this meant until I heard a podcast by a young woman and entrepreneur named Hilary, who shared her experience with a book publishing team that was manipulating her.
It’s important to be aware of the signs that someone is manipulating you so that you can protect yourself. So let’s take a look at this young woman’s experience and the 6 signs of psychological manipulation that I learned from her.
1) Denying They Said Something
Throughout the podcast episodes where Hilary explains her experience with psychological manipulation, she keeps mentioning a pattern of behavior.
The book publishing team she was working with would often tell her one thing and then insist that they said something else.
Remember, at first, she thought she might have misunderstood them – especially since they said it with such conviction.
But in some cases, she had written evidence that they had told her something different before. So it became clear that what was happening was her being deceived.
When she realized this, she was shocked and distraught. She had never thought that a publisher could lie to her so blatantly, which made her question her memory and ability to understand clear conversations.
But unfortunately, this is something that can happen even when you least expect it.
2) Giving False Hope
While many writers work on books for the love of writing, there is of course also something they are promised in return.
In Hilary’s case, it was financial compensation and great publicity once her book was published.
But the problem was that the publishing team kept giving her false hope about when and how to expect these things.
They were stalling and delaying the date even though the woman herself had met all the deadlines, and they made convoluted excuses about why they couldn’t stick to the original plan.
Even the financial compensation changed as they kept finding more and more expenses that she was responsible for paying.
Of course, unexpected things are expected, and plans may change. But when it comes to this, it has crossed the line into manipulation.
3) Using Confusing Language
For legal reasons and also due to time constraints, Hillary was unable to share all the details of her interactions with the publishing team.
However, one thing she did mention was how they used confusing language to manipulate her.
They would use vague language on purpose so that they could later say they meant something else, and they used nonsensical arguments to explain away mistakes or setbacks.
This began to raise doubts in her mind about what was right. She trusted and respected the publisher, so of course she assumed they knew what they were talking about, and she thought their explanations must make sense, even if she didn’t fully understand them at the time.
But eventually, it became quite clear that this was just another one of their tactics to convince her.
If you feel like you don’t fully understand someone you’re in a relationship with in any way, this is a great warning sign to always take the time to talk and ask for clarification.
4) Withholding Affection or Approval
You might wonder, if the person who’s cheating on you is treating you this horribly, why wouldn’t the person cheating on you see that and cut ties?
Well, that’s because part of the manipulation tactic is to make the victim dependent on the person cheating on you.
RELATED:If you display these 10 behaviors, you’re being manipulative without realizing it
Hilary also shares how her publishing team was initially showering her with love and praise, practically begging her to work with them because they loved her and her work so much.
But then, throughout the collaboration, they were severely criticizing her and yelling at her during calls.
Then there were times when they ignored her and didn’t communicate at all.
This creates a very confusing dynamic that makes a person yearn for the love and affection they once had.
5) Withholding Information
Another sign that someone might be cheating on you is if they withhold information.
Again, Hilary wasn’t able to share all the details of her exchanges with her book publisher, but it’s clear from her podcast episodes that her employer wasn’t being very transparent with her.
They didn’t provide her with information about delays that would have allowed her to take on other work commitments in the meantime, nor did they give her a proper explanation when her editor was replaced multiple times.
It’s very difficult to have any kind of partnership with someone who does this, and it certainly doesn’t put both parties on equal footing.
This is because one party is trying to maintain power over the other by getting information that the other party doesn’t have.
This can be particularly difficult to deal with because the person manipulating you makes you feel out of line for asking – but stand your ground and make sure you get all the information you need.
6) Downplaying Your Feelings
This can be a difficult sign to spot because no one outright says “your feelings don’t matter” or “your thoughts are invalid.”
However, this is the basic message someone is sending you when they’re manipulating you.
In Hilary’s case, she said that her book publishing team once shouted at her to “Get over it!!!” during a video call.
She was so traumatized by the experience that she had to excuse herself to the bathroom and cry for a few minutes before she could get back on the call and ask her final few questions.
Another example of this is when someone suggests that you’re being overly sensitive, irrational, or overreacting when expressing your feelings.
Either way, it’s not a fun experience at all, and certainly not a sign of respect or equality in any context.
Protecting Yourself from Someone Who’s Cheating on You
Now you know the 6 key signs that someone might be cheating on you.
Unfortunately, Hilary went through this — but the bright side, and the reason she’s sharing her experience as well, is that you can now use this knowledge to protect yourself from something similar happening to you.
If you’re interested in learning more about her story, you can find the first episode of her 3-part podcast series here.
