Do you have a friend who you could swear hasn’t behaved right since he got into a relationship?
And it’s not as if being in a relationship helped them get better, in fact, they seem to get worse.
Listen to your instincts and look closely.
If your boyfriend displays these 10 traits, it may be a sign that he is becoming too dependent in his relationship.
1) They sacrifice a lot for their relationship
It doesn’t matter that they’ve already got a lot of stuff, or that they’ve long since deserved some well-deserved R&D. If their partner needs them for something, they are there.
They want to be everything to their partner and feel bad setting boundaries. For example, they listen to their partner, even when they are at the end of their game trying to deal with their own problems.
They are willing to sacrifice their time with their friends and family as well. They will cancel a night out with their friends even if they only see each other once a month if their partner wants their company.
They give and give and give some more. They try to provide their partner with everything they need even if they are dry.
2) They are always afraid of rejection and abandonment
The fear of being abandoned or rejected by their partner is something that causes codependency, because it motivates them to attach their partner to them at all costs.
At the same time, this is something caused by codependency, and the reason is simple: when you are dependent on someone, you have reached the point where neither of you is stable on your own.
So the prospect of breaking up with a partner comes with a lot of fear and insecurity.
How can they not be afraid when life itself becomes, at its worst, meaningless without their partner?
3) They praise their partners perfectly
Some things to look for are phrases like “No one understands me like they do,” and “They’re so special, there’s no one else in the world like them!”
In general, you should watch out for excessive praise, especially praise that insinuates that their partner is perfect, irreplaceable, or even flawless and perfect.
After all, no one is ever truly perfect, and no one is specifically designed to be the perfect partner for their partners — not without people actively trying to be that way, that is.
And the only thing that motivates people to conform to their partners’ ideas of the “perfect” partner is the interdependence and validation seeking that comes with it.
4) They feel guilty about being “selfish”
Invite them to an outing without their partner participating, and they will feel uncomfortable and may suggest that they accompany their partner.
People in codependent relationships feel this compulsion to always be selfless and do things for their partners.
Behind this feeling lies the fear that if they start prioritizing their happiness, their partner will take it as permission to start being selfish too…and they don’t want that.
It’s not entirely their fault that they are this way. And hey, it’s something we can all relate to, am I right?
It is very common to be in a codependent relationship.
Society has influenced us to love in toxic ways, and for love to be real, we must give it fully. 100%, without any conditions or restrictions at all.
Fortunately, I was able to unlearn all these dangerous notions about love and intimacy through masterclasses from world-famous shaman Rhoda Iande.
By watching this amazing free video, I learned that true love and intimacy are not what our society has made us believe…and that there is a healthier way to love.
So, if you want to help your friend (or yourself) get out of a codependent relationship, I recommend checking out Rudá’s advice on how to love better.
5) They cannot make decisions on their own
Now it’s a good idea to keep our partners informed when we make big decisions.
After all, the last thing we want is to plan a night out with our friends only to realize that it conflicts with something our partners had planned.
The problem with people in codependent relationships is that they take it to an extreme.
Not only will they consult their partners about logical matters, like vacation plans, they will consult their partners about trivial things like the movies they’re watching and the food they’re eating.
At this point, you can more or less assume that there are control issues in the relationship, and that those issues come with codependency.
6) They complain excessively about their partner
They will get upset when they ask their partner to do something and they say no or fail to do whatever they ask of them.
When they get upset, they get extra upset. They would sometimes lash out and say something like “I hope he rots in hell!”
They complain so much, you might find yourself thinking they’re complaining about their partner burning up half their bank account for a bag of sweets!
They can’t handle it when their partner lives a life outside of their relationship, and their excessive complaining is a sign of deep insecurity and control issues.
7) They are always worried about what others think of them
Or to be more specific, they are very concerned about being seen by the people around them as the “perfect couple.”
So they take great care never to argue in public, or to walk together with a frown on their faces.
One could argue that they are willing to “perform” their relationship in front of the public eye. More than anyone else, even.
They want to be seen as a great couple. After all, that’s all they have.
8) They become very defensive towards their partner
Criticizing their partner in any way puts them on the defensive. It doesn’t matter if it’s as simple as telling them their partner has bad taste in music or as severe as telling them they’re a bad influence.
It doesn’t matter if they themselves have complained about their partner to you at length. Anything they may consider an attack on their partner may also be a personal attack on them as well.
This is because people in codependent relationships are so dependent on each other that they may as well be one person. Contrary to what it may seem, this is not a good thing.
9) They cut off their friends for the sake of their partner
It doesn’t matter if they have been friends for a long time. If their partner asks them to stop talking to someone, they will do so.
For example, their partner might say, “I don’t want you to talk to another man!” And so they will do just that by ghosting all their male friends – even their closest ones!
He may not even need an order. Their friend could simply criticize their partner and they would cut it off on their own. Or maybe they think their partners are enough for them, so they ghost their friends.
People who enter into codependent relationships are those who value their romantic relationships so much that all their other relationships may be expendable.
10) Stop saying no
If their partner asks them to bury a body, get rid of their cat, or buy them a new car, they will do it.
It feels like they are always forced to do whatever their partner asks of them. Likewise, their partner never says no to anything they ask for no matter how terrible the request is.
Being in a relationship is about being there for each other and trying to make sure our partners are happy. But there should always be a limit to how far we are willing to go for our partners.
Dealing with dependency
Codependency usually occurs when people get into relationships before they are confident and mature enough to handle them. For some, it is caused by childhood trauma.
The best way to deal with codependency is to nip it in the bud. But although it can be difficult when your friend is already in a codependent relationship, it is not impossible.
Here are some tips that may help you:
Avoid describing or accusing them of being dependent directly. This will only make them defensive.
Try to build their self-esteem and self-esteem. This can be difficult if their partner is also trying to destroy them, but it is important.
Let them unlearn what they know about love and intimacy. I suggest you recommend Ruda Iande’s Masterclass on Love and Intimacy (it’s free!)
Don’t judge them. This may be difficult if you see that your friend is clearly being abused, but there is a reason why he or she cannot break free.
Give them a safe, stress-free place where they can talk and vent. They are vulnerable, so make sure they can trust you.
Help them realize that things don’t have to be this way. If you are in a healthy relationship yourself, you can set an example.
LastWords
Codependency is dangerous, but it’s a trap we’re all vulnerable to falling into. The reason for this is that codependency occurs when all the good things in a relationship are pushed to an unhealthy extreme.
This applies to all relationships, whether friendly or romantic, although it is worse when it comes to romance.
So, if your friend is in a codependent relationship, it can be painful to just sit and watch him or her get hurt by the relationship. But at the same time, be careful not to rush forward blindly. You need a delicate hand to get them out of it.
