Do you have a friend who you can swear hasn’t acted right since they got into a relationship?
And it’s not that being in a relationship has helped them get better — in fact, they seem to have gotten worse.
Listen to your instincts and look closely.
If your boyfriend exhibits these 10 traits, this may be a sign that he is becoming more dependent on his relationship.
1) They sacrifice a lot for their relationship
It doesn’t matter that they’ve already got a lot on their hands, or that they’re due a long time ago for some well-deserved R&R. If their partner needs them for something, they are there.
They want to be everything to their partner and feel bad about setting boundaries. For example, they listen to their partner’s vent, even when they’re finally trying to address their own problems.
They are willing to sacrifice their time with their friends and family as well. They’ll skip a night out with their friends even if they only see each other once a month if their partner wants their company.
They give and give and give some more. They try to provide their partner with everything they need even if they run out.
2) They are always afraid of rejection and abandonment
The fear that someone will abandon or reject their partner is something that causes codependency in others, because it motivates them to attach their partner to them at any cost.
At the same time, this is something that results from co-dependence, and the reason is simple: when you are dependent on someone, you have reached the point where neither of you are all stable by yourselves.
So the prospect of being separated from one partner comes with a lot of fear and insecurity.
How are they not afraid when life itself becomes meaningless without their partner, at its worst?
3) They praise their partners to an ideal
Some things to look out for are statements like, “Nobody understands me like they do,” and, “They’re so special, there’s no one else in the world like them!”
In general, you want to watch out for excessive praise, especially praise that insinuates that their partner is perfect, irreplaceable, or even flawless and perfect.
After all, no one is ever truly perfect, and no one is specifically designed to be the perfect person for their partners — not without people actively trying to be that way.
And the only thing that motivates people to stick to their partner’s ideas of the “perfect” partner is to rely on others and seek the validation that comes with it.
4) They feel guilty at the thought of being “selfish”
Invite them to a walk without their partner involved, they will feel uncomfortable and may suggest they tag their partner.
People in codependent relationships feel this compulsion to be selfless and do things for their partner.
Behind this feeling is the fear that if they start to prioritize their own happiness, their partner will take it as permission to start being selfish too…and they don’t want to.
It’s not entirely their fault that they are. And hey, this is something we can all relate to, am I right?
It is very common to be in a codependent relationship.
Society has influenced us to love in toxic ways — for love to be true, it must be given fully. 100%, with absolutely no strings attached.
Fortunately, I was able to get rid of all these dangerous notions of love and intimacy by mastering the world-famous shaman Rudá Iandê.
By watching his mind-blowing free video, I’ve learned that true love and intimacy aren’t what our society has made us believe…and that there is a healthy way to love.
So, if you want to help your friend (or yourself) get out of a codependent relationship, I recommend checking out Rudá’s advice on how to love better.
5) They cannot make decisions on their own
It is now a good idea to keep our partners informed when we make important decisions.
After all, the last thing we want is to make plans for a night out with our friends only to realize it goes against something our partners have planned.
At this point, you can more or less assume that there are control issues going on in the relationship, and those that come with codependency.
6) They complain about their partner’s excess
They will get upset when they ask their partner to do something and they say no or fail to do what they ask them to do.
And when they get upset, they get upset too much. They would sometimes lash out and say something like, “I hope he rots in hell!”
They complain so much that you might even catch yourself thinking that they are complaining about their partner burning half of their bank account in a bag of sweets!
They can’t handle it when their partner has a life outside of their relationship, and excessive complaining is a sign of deep insecurities and control problems.
7) They are always concerned about what other people think of them
Or, to be more specific, they are very worried about being seen as the “perfect couple” by those around them.
So they take great care not to argue in public, or walk along with frowns painted on their faces.
One could even argue that they are willing to “perform” their relationship in the public eye. More than anyone else, even.
They want to be seen as a great couple. After all, that’s all they have.
8) They get very defensive of their partner
Criticizing their partner in any way puts them on the defensive. It doesn’t matter if it’s as simple as telling them their partner has bad taste in music or as extreme as telling them they’re a bad influence.
It doesn’t matter if they themselves have complained to you at length about their partner. Anything they might take as an attack on their partner may also be a personal attack on them as well.
This is because people in codependent relationships are so dependent on each other that they may also be a single person. And contrary to what it may seem, this is not a good thing.
9) They cut off their friends for their partner
And it doesn’t matter if they’ve been friends for a long time. If their partner tells them to stop talking to someone, they will.
For example, their partner might say “I don’t want you talking to another guy!” And so they’ll do just that by hiding all of their male friends — even the closest ones!
You may not even need an order. Their friend could simply criticize their partner and they would cut it off on their own. Or maybe they think their partners are enough for them, so they cheat on their friends.
People who enter codependent relationships are those who value their romantic relationships so much that all of their other relationships may also be expendable.
10) Stop saying no
If their partner asked them to bury a body, get rid of their cat, or buy them a new car, they would.
It’s like they always have to do what their partner tells them to do. Likewise, their partner never says no to anything they ask no matter how outrageous the request.
Being in a relationship is about being there for each other and trying to make sure our partners are happy. But there should always be a limit to how much we are ready for our partners.
Dealing with reliability
Codependency usually occurs when people enter relationships before they are confident and mature enough to handle them. For some, this is caused by childhood trauma.
The best way to deal with dependency is to nip it in the bud. But while it’s more difficult when your friend is in a codependent relationship, it’s not impossible.
Here are some tips that may help you:
Avoid calling them outright or accusing them of being codependent. This will only make them defensive.
Try to build their self-esteem and self-esteem. This can be difficult if their partner is also trying to tear them down, but it is important.
Let them unlearn what they know about love and intimacy. I suggest you recommend Ruda Iande’s Masterclass on Love and Intimacy (Free!)
Don’t judge them. This can be difficult if your friend is clearly being abused, but there is a reason they can’t break free.
Provide them with a safe, stress-free place where they can talk and vent. They are vulnerable, so make sure they can trust you.
Help them realize that things don’t have to be this way. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you can set an example.
