When you think of narcissists in your life, you probably think of personality traits such as “full of themselves,” “self-involved,” or “self-obsessed.” We tend to think of the term “narcissist” in purely negative terms.
But, believe it or not, psychologist Dr. Bradley Owens has done extensive research on narcissism, and he doesn’t think it’s always a bad thing — especially when narcissists are also humble (a skill he says can be learned).
Related: The Painfully Honest Reason You Always Attract Narcissistic Men
The “humble narcissist” sounds like a fantasy because the characteristics of a narcissist seem to be just the opposite. However, a study found that “humble narcissistic” leaders got the best performance from their employees.
The study was conducted to test which type of manager is better: a humble person or a narcissistic person. They found that narcissistic employees did not perform as well (they wasted more time on the computer or breaks), but humble leaders had the opposite effect.
However, leaders who found a balance between narcissism and humility performed better. As Adam Grant explains, “Humble narcissists bring the best of both worlds: they have bold visions, but they are also willing to admit their weaknesses and learn from their mistakes.”
Essentially, being a narcissist gives you the confidence to be innovative, and humility keeps your arrogance in check enough to acknowledge your human limitations (which will also make you more relatable to your employees).
Dr. Owens discussed how leaders are traditionally expected to have qualities that often contradict each other, but “the combination of humility and narcissism helps balance these qualities without trying (and perhaps failing) to eliminate any of them.”
Related: 6 Ways To Know If Narcissistic Supply Is The Cause Of Your Toxic Relationship
I reached out to Dr. Owens to inquire whether his theory of “learning humility” applies to all relationships (not just work relationships, but romantic and social ones). “Although we have been exploring the effects of [humility] in the workplace—on motivation, performance, and quality of relationships—we strongly believe that humility can also help improve relationships in other contexts,” he replied.
Therefore, while this study focused on narcissists learning humility at work, it applies to all walks of life.
#Here are the four hidden (and somewhat subtle) personality traits of the humble narcissist:
1. Seeks to understand “humility”
Even if he has not yet fully mastered it, a “humble narcissist” is a narcissistic person who is trying to understand humility. He will understand that this is how humans make connections to move forward (whether in their careers or relationships) and will seek to better understand how humility plays a role in his life.
2. Strives to master “humility”
The humble narcissist will try to be more humble until he successfully masters this skill. He may be so obsessed with mastering this newfound “skill” that he will continue to practice it until it becomes almost second nature to him. Generally, this will be evident both at work and in social situations (including romantic relationships).
Related: 5 Tips For Surviving Co-Parenting With A Narcissistic Ex
3. He is confident in himself, but he is aware of his weaknesses
Although he has the confidence most people expect in a great leader (since he is most likely the one who takes on leadership roles at work and home), he is also able to admit his shortcomings. He’s probably learned that admitting your shortcomings (as we all have) makes you more relatable and tends to deliver more positive results in the long run.
4. He needs a lot of downtime
Dr. Owens says that these seemingly conflicting traits tend to lead to stress because having to constantly keep his modesty in check leads to some mental stress. This strain tends to mean that the Humble Narcissist will need a lot of downtime to relax and relieve stress.
