Being in a relationship should be an exciting experience.
But in my case, most of my relationships ended up breaking up wondering what happened. Because of this, I often entered new relationships filled with stress and anxiety, waiting for the inevitable curtain to fall and reveal that I had once again made a bad choice. This was because I often found myself trapped in toxic, unhealthy, abusive, or narcissistic relationships.
Each of these relationships left me with emotional and psychological wounds that were difficult to heal. And I had to recover if I wanted to get out of them forever.
If you can relate to what I wrote above, here is some of what you might encounter in these types of relationships and how to break free from their destructive grip.
Manipulation and control
One of the most damaging aspects of toxic relationships is the presence of manipulation and control.
Manipulative partners use various tactics to exert power over their significant other, such as gaslighting, guilt tripping, or isolating them from friends and family. These can start out very subtle, which can make them more difficult to recognize.
For example, your love interest might start criticizing one of your friendships: You put too much effort into that relationship. Do they respond in kind?
Questions like these may seem like your partner is looking out for your best interests, but they may also make you doubt the friendship. You may find yourself stepping back and second guessing everything about it. Eventually, you may end your friendship completely only to find that your partner has begun to criticize another partner.
If it’s a truly manipulative partner, you may look around at some point and realize that you no longer have any friends because none of them were “good enough” for you for whatever reason.
These manipulations can lower your self-esteem and self-esteem, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless. You used to have all these friends who loved and supported you, and now… you only have your partner.
Breaking free from this requires first recognizing manipulative behavior and setting boundaries that protect your personal autonomy and well-being. Being able to recognize manipulative behavior when it occurs can be very difficult.
Too often, tactics like gaslighting prey on integral parts of ourselves, like trust and respect. Realizing that we cannot trust our partner and that his or her manipulations are disrespectful can be a difficult pill to swallow.
Emotional and verbal abuse
Toxic relationships often involve emotional and verbal abuse, which can leave deep emotional scars. Abusers may belittle, insult, or belittle their partners, undermining their confidence and sense of self. In some of my relationships, I’ve heard things like: “You’re asking too much,” “You’re needy,” “You’re crazy,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re abusive.” “
With the help of a therapist and coach, after I left the last of these unhealthy relationships, I was able to recognize some hard truths: I was never asking for too much or being “needy” by asking my partner to spend time together or to connect. I also never went crazy or “oversensitive” by pointing out inconsistent and dishonesty behaviors, and confronting my partner about unacceptable behaviors in a calm but firm manner was never abusive.
Constant exposure to such toxic behavior can erode our mental health and create an environment of fear and anxiety. It is important to seek support from people who can provide guidance and resources to help you escape the cycle of abuse.
Related: How To Instantly Spot A Sociopath Or Narcissist
Lack of trust and betrayal
In toxic relationships, trust is broken by constant lies, broken promises, or infidelity. Although I’ve never dealt with infidelity in my unhealthy relationships, I’ve often dealt with other types of infidelities, like finding out that my partner was secretly using drugs and/or collecting money using a secret credit card (also known as financial infidelity).
There were also a lot of other little things that would destroy trust, like when their actions didn’t always match their words or when I would ask for support or connection and they would ignore it, brush it off, or gaslight me. Abuse itself is also a major trust destroyer.
The absence of trust erodes the foundation of any partnership and creates an atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust. Rebuilding trust requires open communication, transparency, and a willingness to address the underlying issues that led to the betrayal. However, it is essential to realize that not all relationships can be saved, and leaving may be the best option for one’s mental and emotional well-being.
Related: 4 Awful, Unbelievable Memories Of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Mother
Self-doubt and low self-worth
Being in a toxic relationship often leads to self-doubt and low self-esteem. Constant criticism and negative reinforcement can erode our confidence and make us question our worth.
As a result of the things I was told, I often said to myself things like, I wouldn’t be able to do this on my own. This is the best I will ever get. I’m so needy. There must be something wrong with me. This is all my fault.
It is important to remember that self-worth is not determined by the opinions of others, but if we are always around people who tell us their opinions, it will have an impact on us. It would probably be very bad if they were abusive. Seeking help can provide a safe space to heal, regain self-esteem, and develop a clearer sense of personal identity.
