Growing up, like many people, I was raised on stories of romantic love. From fairy tales to movies, from novels to real-life examples around me, the message was clear: happiness comes when you find ‘The One.’ The idea of a soulmate—someone who would complete me, someone who would make life worth living—was so ingrained in my thinking that I assumed it was an inevitable part of my future. I didn’t question it.
I believed that life without a partner meant life without fulfillment. So, I spent years searching for that perfect connection, that fairy-tale relationship that would validate my existence and give me a sense of belonging. But something happened along the way that changed my perspective entirely: I didn’t find ‘The One.’ Instead, I found myself.
The Early Years: Chasing a Fantasy
In my twenties, being single often felt like I was missing out on something essential. I watched friends pair off, get married, and start families. Social gatherings felt like they revolved around couples, and I was always the odd one out. I would ask myself, “When is it my turn?”
I dated, I searched, I hoped. I clung to relationships that weren’t right for me, simply because I feared the alternative—being alone. In my mind, singleness was something to be fixed, a problem that needed a solution. It wasn’t about whether the person I was with was the right fit; it was about not being left behind in a world where partnership seemed like the ultimate achievement.
The Turning Point
But as I moved through my late twenties and early thirties, something began to shift. I was in a long-term relationship that, on the surface, seemed ideal. We were compatible in many ways, and everyone around us assumed we’d eventually get married. But deep down, I felt a sense of unease, a quiet whisper that this wasn’t what I truly wanted.
After a few years of ignoring that voice, I finally faced the truth: I wasn’t happy. I was in a relationship out of fear, not love. And that realization hit me like a ton of bricks. The idea of breaking up and being single again terrified me, but staying in a relationship that didn’t fulfill me scared me even more.
When I ended the relationship, I was flooded with emotions—grief, relief, confusion, and fear. But in the midst of that turmoil, something unexpected happened. For the first time in my adult life, I felt a strange sense of freedom. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had to mold myself into someone else’s expectations, and I no longer had to chase the fantasy of ‘The One.’
Embracing Solitude
In the months that followed, I began to lean into my singleness. At first, it felt uncomfortable. Society doesn’t always make space for single people, especially as you get older. But I started to realize that there were incredible benefits to being on my own. I had time to focus on myself—my passions, my career, my friendships. I could make decisions based solely on what I wanted, without having to compromise or consider someone else’s needs.
Being single gave me the space to rediscover who I was. I traveled solo, pursued hobbies I’d neglected, and built a deeper relationship with myself. I found joy in my own company, something I never thought possible when I was caught up in the idea that happiness only comes from being in a relationship.
It wasn’t easy. There were still moments when I doubted myself, when I wondered if I was destined to be alone forever. But over time, I realized that being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. In fact, some of the loneliest moments I’d ever experienced were when I was in relationships that weren’t right for me.
Societal Expectations and Breaking Free
One of the hardest parts of embracing singleness is breaking free from societal expectations. We live in a world that often equates success with finding a partner, and people—whether well-meaning or not—will ask questions like, “When are you going to settle down?” or “Don’t you want to find someone?”
These questions used to sting, reinforcing the idea that I was somehow incomplete without a partner. But as I grew more comfortable in my own skin, I realized that these expectations didn’t have to define my life. I stopped worrying about meeting other people’s timelines or fulfilling their vision of what my life should look like.
In fact, I began to see singleness as an act of rebellion, a way of rejecting the notion that my worth is tied to my relationship status. I realized that I am enough on my own, and that my life can be full of joy, adventure, and love without a romantic partner at its center.
The Blessings of Being Single
As time passed, I began to see singleness not as a curse but as a blessing in disguise. Being single has given me the opportunity to focus on my personal growth in ways I never could have imagined when I was constantly seeking a partner.
I’ve learned how to set boundaries, how to prioritize my own needs, and how to be my own source of happiness. I’ve developed deeper connections with friends and family, and I’ve built a life that is full and meaningful—whether or not I ever find ‘The One.’
In fact, the longer I’ve been single, the more I’ve come to question the very concept of ‘The One.’ I’ve realized that no one person can complete me because I am already whole. Relationships can enhance my life, but they don’t define it. I no longer believe in the fairy tale that there is just one perfect person out there for me. Instead, I believe in the power of creating meaningful connections—whether romantic or otherwise—that are built on mutual respect, trust, and love.
Reframing Love and Relationships
Being single has also allowed me to rethink what love and relationships really mean. I no longer view love as something that must come from a romantic partner. Love is all around me—in the laughter of my friends, in the support of my family, in the quiet moments of contentment I feel when I’m alone.
I’ve also come to appreciate the importance of self-love. Learning to love and accept myself has been one of the most transformative parts of my journey. It’s allowed me to stop seeking validation from others and to start trusting my own instincts and desires.
That’s not to say that I’ve sworn off relationships. I’m open to the idea of love in the future, but it will be on my terms. I no longer feel the pressure to settle down or find someone to complete me. If I do enter a relationship again, it will be because it adds something meaningful to my already fulfilling life—not because I feel incomplete without it.
Conclusion: A New Perspective
Looking back, I can’t believe how much my mindset has changed. I used to dream of finding ‘The One,’ believing that my happiness depended on it. But now I see that my happiness has always been within me, waiting to be nurtured and embraced.
Being single is not a curse. It’s a gift—a chance to get to know yourself, to grow, and to create a life that brings you joy. It’s a reminder that love comes in many forms, and that romantic relationships are just one piece of the puzzle.
So, if you’re single and feeling like you’re missing out, take heart. This time in your life is precious, and it’s an opportunity to discover the fullness of who you are. Whether you eventually find ‘The One’ or not, you are enough just as you are. And that, I’ve come to realize, is the greatest blessing of all.
