Some people are extremely manipulative in this world.
Sometimes, we all make the mistake of using others to get what we want. But a manipulator is someone who only uses others. For them, other people’s feelings, opinions, and beliefs don’t matter. Instead, they see others as mere tools to use to get what they want.
Manipulation relies on not discovering someone’s true intentions. When people know they are being manipulated, it becomes very difficult to get them to act the way the manipulator wants.
For this reason, manipulative people are usually very skilled at hiding their identity.
But sometimes they reveal themselves. The things they say are often a clue that you are dealing with a manipulative person.
Beware of these statements. Because when you hear them, they indicate that you are dealing with a manipulative person.
1) “This never happened”
We live in an age of fake news, deepfakes, and artificial intelligence, and it seems that every day, it becomes harder to believe what we see and hear.
This is the kind of confusion that manipulative people thrive on.
As you can see, manipulators rely on lies. The goal is to distort your perception of reality and even make you distrust your memory of events. That’s why they may lie to you about what you said or did, say something never happened when it did, or say something happened when you know it didn’t.
This is called gaslighting, and it’s one of the most devastating things a manipulator can do.
Author and life coach Sherry Gordon writes: “Gaslighting is usually carried out over a long period, causing the victim to question the validity of their thoughts, perception of reality, or memories. The common result is dependence on the perpetrator.”
And ultimately, that’s the bottom line.
The goal of manipulation is to make you stop trusting your mind. That way, you’ll rely on it to tell you what’s real and what’s not, and how you should feel and act.
This makes it easier to control you.
2) “Look What You Made Me Do”
It’s more than just a Taylor Swift song. Like many phrases used by manipulators, this one reveals their true intentions if you look beneath the surface.
This is a victim-blaming statement, along with things like, “You make me mad,” or, “You know what happens when you do things like that.”
What these phrases have in common is that the manipulator acts as if they have no control over their actions. As if you or someone else is responsible for their behavior.
Of course, mature adults know that this is nonsense. No matter what others do, we ultimately make our own choices about how we act.
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But manipulators want to act as if this isn’t the case. That way, when they act badly, they can blame you or someone else around them for “forcing” them to do bad things.
3) “I can’t do this without you”
Manipulators are generally bad people. They wouldn’t get very far with their schemes if it was obvious.
Often, they can be very charming and loving on the surface. But as with everything with these people, this is just another form of control.
They are perfectly capable of pretending to be helpless to get what they want.
Often, this is a way to get you to do something for them. They will pretend they don’t know how or aren’t skilled enough to do something so you give in and do it for them.
Alternatively, this can also be a way to control you even more. By making you believe that they are helpless and incapable of taking care of themselves, they are relying on you to bond with them even more and want to help them.
4) “After All I’ve Done for You”
Guilt is a classic tool of emotional manipulation.
This happens in romantic relationships, where one partner reminds the other of all the sacrifices they have made.
But it also happens a lot in family relationships. Parents often remind their children of all the sacrifices they have made to get them to do what they want.
Psychologist Lynn Margolis points out that guilt is often an unconscious process.
“It’s easy to project our reactions and fears onto situations in which we feel insecure, especially uncertainty,” she writes.
However, manipulative people know the power of guilt, and they will consciously use it to get what they want.
Making people feel guilty makes it easier to control them. When they believe they owe someone something, they’re more likely to do what the manipulator wants to do to make up for their supposed debt.
5) “You’re so smart for someone who didn’t go to college”
This is just one example of many phrases that can fall into the category of indirect compliments.
Things like:
- “You look great for your age.”
- “I love your outfit. I would never wear something like that, but you rock it.”
- “Congratulations on your small business.”
- “It’s amazing how well you’re doing.”
- “You look great when you put in the effort.”
These phrases may sound like compliments, but only if you’re not listening very carefully. If you think about what they’re saying, you’ll notice that all of these supposed compliments have a little needle of negativity in them.
The manipulator wants you to notice that. Compliments like these aren’t meant to build you up, they’re meant to tear you down.
But they’re phrased in such a way that if you criticize the manipulator, he’ll pretend he wasn’t doing it at all. He’ll say he was just trying to compliment you, and that you misunderstood him.
6) “It’s not my fault”
Manipulators love to avoid responsibility.
No matter what bad behavior they engage in, they’ll find someone else to blame. Whatever happens to them is someone else’s fault.
That’s why they’ll say things aren’t their fault. They’ll make excuses for themselves and act like they have less control over their lives than they do.
It’s all part of the manipulation game.
7) “You’re spending too much time with them”
Another trick that manipulators often use to gain greater control over the people around them is isolation.
Most of us get emotional support from our family, friends, and other important people in our lives. These support networks boost our self-esteem and make it harder for a manipulator to control us.
Often, they will try to isolate you from these support networks.
They will claim that you spend too much time with friends and family and not enough time with them. They may even cause drama between you and the people closest to you, trying to get you to fight and drive a wedge between you.
The ultimate goal is to make you depend on them for all your emotional needs. That way, they can control you more easily.
8) “I don’t know what I’d do without you”
Once you realize the tricks and tactics of a manipulator, you may want to leave. But if they’re getting what they want from you, they won’t make that easy.
One way they try to keep you in a relationship is through vague threats about what will happen if you leave them. They will act as if they can’t live without you, and that leaving them will hurt them.
They may threaten to hurt themselves or someone else if you don’t stay.
Needless to say, this is a form of abuse, and no one should tolerate it.
9) “You’re the only one who understands me”
Manipulators love to create some sort of fantasy existence. Part of that, especially in romantic relationships, is to convince you that you have something special together that no one else understands.
Part of the reason they do this is because they know that people around you might see through the manipulative relationship for what it is and tell you exactly what they’re thinking.
Manipulators will often try to counter this by saying that other people can’t understand the passion of the turbulent relationship you have with each other.
They may say that you’re the only one who understands them. But in reality, the last thing they want is for you to truly understand them. Because if you do, you’ll see them for who they are.
Identifying Manipulative People
It’s always best to avoid manipulative people. Their attempts to control others are almost always harmful.
But manipulators are adept at hiding their true colors.
Listen to these phrases to help you spot a manipulative person faster. This way, you can avoid their schemes and stay away from the drama they create.
