We’ve all met people who seem to have an uncanny ability to manipulate situations to their advantage.
You may look back on your past relationships and feel like you’ve been tricked or taken advantage of, wondering if your experiences are normal.
How do you know if you’re a victim of manipulation, or if you’ve just experienced the regular bumps and turns of human interaction?
Having endured my share of manipulative relationships and studied the patterns of manipulative individuals, I’ve compiled a list of 7 tricks these people often use. If these tricks ring true, it’s time to reevaluate yourself and protect yourself from future manipulation.
1) Play the Victim
One of the most common and effective tricks in a manipulator’s playbook is to portray yourself as the victim.
This strategy disarms emotions. It’s human nature to feel empathy for someone who seems to be struggling or has been through a bad situation in life. Manipulators know this and use it to their advantage.
If you find yourself constantly feeling sorry for someone, even when their actions are questionable, it could be a sign that you’re being manipulated. They may weave elaborate tales of misfortune or skillfully frame every situation so that they are always the innocent party.
In doing so, they make it difficult for you to hold them accountable for their actions without feeling guilty or cruel. This allows them to get away with behaviors that you might normally object to, effectively turning the tables in their favor.
2) Overwhelming Kindness
Surprisingly, being overly kind can also be a manipulative tactic.
At first glance, this may seem counterintuitive. After all, kindness is a virtue, right? However, manipulative individuals often use an abundance of kindness as a tool to create a sense of obligation.
If someone regularly goes out of their way to help you, gives you gifts, or showers you with compliments, you may feel obligated to return their kindness. This can make it difficult to say no when they ask you for a favor or manipulate you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with.
3) Gaslighting
A more insidious form of manipulation, gaslighting is a psychological tactic where a person makes you doubt your perceptions and sanity.
Manipulators who use gaslighting often distort or deny facts outright, causing you to question your memory and judgment. They make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality, making you rely on them for a sense of what’s real.
For example, if you confront them about their abusive behavior, they may turn it around and accuse you of being overly sensitive or misunderstanding the situation. This not only distracts from their actions, but it also makes you question yourself.
Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and mental health. If you find yourself frequently questioning your recollection of events or feeling confused after interactions with a particular person, you’re likely being gaslighted.
4) Feigning Ignorance
It’s not fair to get upset with someone who doesn’t know any better, right? According to popular wisdom, ignorance absolves one from guilt—after all, you can’t be held responsible for something you don’t know. However, my friend, that’s exactly the excuse every manipulative person makes.
Manipulative people often take advantage of this by feigning ignorance about things they understand very well. This is another way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
For example, if they do something that upsets you and you confront them about it, they may claim that they didn’t realize it would affect you in this way. By feigning ignorance, they are shifting the blame onto you for not clearly explaining your boundaries.
5) Exploiting Your Insecurities
Manipulative people often exploit your insecurities. They may subtly belittle you, offer indirect compliments, or highlight your weaknesses in front of others. This isn’t done out of concern or to help you improve, but rather to undermine your self-esteem.
When you feel insecure, you’re more likely to seek their approval and less likely to stand up for yourself. This gives them the upper hand in the relationship and allows them to control your actions and decisions.
6) Being Overly Nice
It may sound strange, but being overly nice can also be a manipulative tactic.
We typically view nice people as friendly and easy to get along with. However, manipulators often use this trait to their advantage. By always agreeing with you, they can gain your trust and make you feel like they’re on your side.
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Once they have established this relationship, they are in a better position to take advantage of you. For example, they may suddenly disagree with you when it serves their interests or subtly steer you toward doing what they want while making it seem like it was your idea.
7) Triangulation
Another often overlooked manipulation technique is triangulation, where a third person is used to validate or reinforce the manipulator’s point of view.
In this scenario, the manipulator may bring another person into the conversation to support their views or actions, making you feel outnumbered and less inclined to defend your position. This can also be used to create rivalry and jealousy, dividing and conquering participants.
This tactic is particularly effective because it’s no longer just the manipulator against you; they are also in addition to another person, making it harder for you to defend your position.
Understanding Manipulative Behavior
Manipulative behavior is often driven by a deep-rooted need for power and control. This desire may stem from personal insecurities, past trauma, or a fear of being vulnerable or vulnerable. By controlling others, manipulators create a false sense of security and self-worth.
However, this does not excuse their actions. It is important to remember that everyone has a choice in how they treat others. Using manipulation to gain power is a conscious choice that causes harm to others.
Understanding the reasons behind manipulation does not necessarily prepare you to change the manipulator’s behavior. Change usually requires the individual to acknowledge their problematic behavior and seek help, which unfortunately does not always happen.
What you can change, however, is your response. You can learn to recognize manipulation tactics and take steps to protect yourself. This may mean setting clear boundaries, seeking support from trusted friends or professionals, or, in extreme cases, cutting ties with the manipulator.
