I’m an introvert, and I don’t have a lot of social relationships. But sometimes I feel like I have no friends at all. And something tells me that many of us feel this way from time to time.
What can you do if you don’t have friends you can trust and rely on? More importantly, why is this happening to you?
First, let us acknowledge that friendship is a subjective phenomenon, just like happiness or love, and each of us has our own definition of this type of connection between two people. For example, if we ask an extrovert and an introvert what a friend is, we are likely to get very different answers.
As such, an extrovert is more likely to say that a friend is someone you have common interests and hobbies with. He is the person with whom you can spend your free time, have fun and enjoy shared experiences.
Related : 6 Signs You Have an Unhealthy Fear of Letting People Down
An introvert will certainly focus on the communication aspect of being a friend and tell you that he or she is someone you can trust with your secrets and personal problems.
But they would both definitely add that friendship is also about trust, loyalty and support.
Therefore, if you feel that you have no friends, the first step is to ask yourself: “What does friendship mean to me?” Think about your own definition of friendship to find what is missing from your social relationships.
Now, let’s explore some specific reasons for lack of friends.
Why don’t I have friends? 5 most common reasons
- Your social relationships are very superficial
This is probably the most common reason why someone feels like they have no friends.
In our society, quantity is often considered more important than quality. Hence, people of all ages (especially younger generations) tend to believe that they need to have a certain number of contacts in their social circle.
However, interpersonal relationships are not a football score, and in fact, it does not matter how many friends you have compared to the average person. It is the quality of communication that identifies someone as your friend or just an acquaintance.
If you feel that your friends do not share the same values and aspirations in life and you can only discuss superficial and routine matters, then perhaps they are not your friends at all. They’re just random people who happen to be part of your life today, but may not be there tomorrow.
- You’re in the wrong company
Sometimes we refuse to see the obvious, especially when we are emotionally attached to someone. You know how it happens – you spend your time with someone and consider them a friend until a difficult situation arises and you realize that they don’t care about you. Your supposed friend is not there when you need his help and support the most.
Related : Crab Mentality Explains Why People Are Not Happy for Others
Sometimes, people you consider to be your friends also turn out to be fake, manipulative, or overly critical. When you share an opinion or ambition, they laugh at you and convince you it’s a bad idea. They claim to know what is best for you and they are just being realistic. After being in the company of these people, you feel drained and insecure.
Or perhaps you assign your personal problems to someone only to later realize they used them as fodder for gossip. The scenarios are endless, but all of them stem from being in the wrong company.
Losing a friend is certainly a painful process and disappointments like this are painful. Then you realize that you no longer have friends and there is no one you can trust. But believe me, it’s better than being blinded by the illusion of friendship while allowing others to take advantage of you.
- You are overly guarded
The first two reasons may seem like it’s other people’s fault that you don’t have friends. However, it’s not always about “them.” Sometimes not having friends has to do with your personal traits and behaviors.
You may be so cautious that you simply do not allow others into your life. This is a common problem for introverts, individuals with confidence issues and mental illness, and survivors of abuse or trauma. These types of people cannot help themselves, they are not able to open up to others easily.
Maybe you have been hurt in the past and are afraid to get close to someone and risk being betrayed again. Maybe you are very reserved and cautious about meeting new people.
Although the reasons behind these behaviors are understandable, sometimes you need to loosen the grip of your defense mechanisms when it comes to interacting with others.
As for me, I can say with certainty that my cautious behavior is one of the primary reasons why I have almost no friends. Think about it – maybe this is why you struggle to make friends too.
- Your communication skills need improvement
Perhaps the most obvious reason why someone has no friends is lack of communication skills.
Some people seem to have an innate ability to find common ground with those around them, but it doesn’t come that easy for everyone. It’s okay if your communication skills are not at their best. I’m not, that’s why I don’t have friends. The good news is that you can always improve your ability to communicate.
