What if one day I realize I hate my family? Well, some people actually feel that way, and it’s definitely an unhealthy feeling.
It’s cruel, and if you tell someone you hate your family, they’ll think you’re a monster, right? Well, we all have dark and angry thoughts, so sometimes, we may wonder where these thoughts come from. Why do we have so much hatred towards our loved ones?
Why do I hate my family?
There are many reasons why a person might hate their family, and yes, “hate” is a strong word. But honestly, I’ve heard a lot of people say this. They also say: “I hate my husband’s family,” and “I hate my boyfriend’s family.”
These are not even biological family members, and the hatred is still strong. A strong feeling of hatred is not enough. How did you get to this point?
- Ill-treatment
Abuse is one of the reasons why people hate their families. If you have been physically or sexually abused, there may be deep bitterness within you. Sometimes, these parents or other family members never apologize or ask for forgiveness, and this makes the hatred that much stronger. - Negligence
If you were neglected as a child, even if your parents are trying to reach out to you now, you may still hate them. The neglect you experienced, like other abuse, has a significant impact on your adult life.
Because of your childhood trauma, your social life, work life, and even spiritual life are negatively affected. You can’t trust anyone to be there for you.
- Blame
If you hate in-laws, there are a few reasons for that too. Your significant other’s family, no matter how much they try to be impartial, will always blame you for problems. Some of the worst ones even cause problems between you and your partner.
Often times, this is easy to see and thus causes great anger.
- Your parents’ troubled marriage
Maybe you feel like you hate your family because your parents have divorced and remarried several times, causing your emotions to be constantly turmoil.
This happens more than you think. Although the first time they get back together may seem great, the second and third time will make you hate them because they disrupt your life with confusion.
- Unhealthy control
Sometimes, your family refuses to let you become independent. They always come around and try to control your adult life. No matter how many times you tell them that you are okay and that you are fine, they seem to have a better way of doing things. Eventually, you start to really hate them.
What can I do if I hate my family?
Hate is a word that makes you feel like you can’t get the feelings back. However, you can. You don’t have to keep hating your family. Maybe they left some deep scars, maybe they still pressure you and tug on your mind, maybe they ignore you.
The thing is that you control your reaction to this. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. Here are ways to stop hating your family and maybe make peace with them.
- Talk to your family
Nothing will change until you talk to your family about how you feel. No, you probably shouldn’t use the word hate, but you can make the point.
Look deeply into your thoughts and ask: “Why do I hate my family?” Here, you’ll find the answer, and from there, you can let them know how you feel. If your family really loves you, they will listen to you.
They may be angry or hurt, but you have to come to terms with them, and that starts with communication. Let me help you get started a little more.
When you talk to your family, tell them a little about how you feel, and then step back for a while. When you do this, they can absorb this information, which may be shocking by the way, and then they can prepare themselves to understand more about your feelings.
- Talk to others
If you’re not quite ready to talk to your family, or you’re very angry, talk to someone else. A close friend you can trust will help guide you through piecing together the reasons for your hatred.
Maybe your hatred doesn’t come from just one thing. Your hatred may stem from several reasons. A listening ear can pick up on these things and show them to you. Your friend can also tell you whether or not you are justified in feeling this way.
- Dealing with in-laws
When it comes to your wife or husband’s family, dealing with hate will be different. Although they may not admit it, most in-laws do not consider their sons and daughters capable of making mistakes. If your partner hurts you, and does nothing to help you, you will hate them. Dealing with this is complicated.
But one thing you can do is practice letting their snide remarks and biases roll off your back. It is common for in-laws to use your weaknesses as ammunition when relationships break down. This includes using your anger against you. Just don’t put too much energy into hating someone like that.
- Pay attention to your mental health
Sometimes, stress can make you feel hatred towards your family. Under normal circumstances, the things they do might not bother you much.
If you notice that you feel stressed around your family, just spend some time away from them. This time away will allow you to reset and come back with more positive feelings. You will find that your feelings of hatred seem strange.
- Imagine life without them
Is your family so bad that you would be fine without them? From a personal perspective, my mother, father, aunt who was my second mother, many friends and my extended family are now gone. When I think of them, I think of the times of love more than the times I screamed, “I hate you.”
Yes, I did this. If you have a living family, try to see your hatred as your enemy. This anger prevents you from spending time with your family. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, therefore, if you can accept your family at all, you must give up hatred and try to make peace.
Because when they are gone, this will be impossible personally.
- Try different perspectives
If you have already discovered why you hate your family, the next step is to try to change your perspective on the situation.
No matter the reason, have you ever tried to see things from their perspective? Have you ever wondered why they do the things they do? Maybe one day, you’ll be guilty of doing the same things, so be careful not to judge too harshly.
- Look inward
If you notice hatred in your heart toward your family, don’t automatically blame them. Every person on this planet should engage in meditation. If you hate your family, it’s probably not all their fault. Maybe you have a role to play in how things go wrong.
In the case of abuse, it’s obviously not your fault, but if an adult is having an argument over something small, the fault could fall on both of you or just you! Yes, I hate to break it to you, but it’s possible that you hate someone because of something you did.
