“I can’t believe what my husband just sent me,” I said.
I was sitting with a group of friends. There was a woman I wasn’t particularly close to and she wasn’t a respectable person. Unfortunately, I was sitting next to her while reading my husband’s comment. She heard my words and said: Well, I don’t know what I told him.
My marriage was heading toward possible divorce.
Things with my husband were incredibly tense and we were in marriage counseling. This woman knew things weren’t right because she was part of a large group of friends. Her comment was harsh and rude. She was going against the girl code at the very least and judgmental at the most.
Plus she loved my husband and found him funny and charming. I tried to ignore it but it bothered me.
They shared feelings of a common relationship.
You hear people say that all the time when a relationship ends or a divorce begins. There is a clear indication that both parties are equally at fault for this emotional demise. Accountability should be divided equally. Because as they say… “There are two sides to every story.”
not necessarily.
My marriage had what I refer to as a third party.
Of course, I was blind to this. I had no idea there was another person in my husband and I’s marriage. It was our marriage counselor who alerted me to this. It took the experience of a psychologist to identify this person. Most people go to couples counseling as a group of two, not a group of three. But there we were.
Related : To All The Women Who Stay In Unhealthy Relationships
My husband and I have narcissistic personality disorder.
Sorry, rude friend, but there aren’t always two sides to the death of a marriage. When a marriage involves an extreme of some kind, such as a personality disorder or substance abuse, it creates a third party in the relationship. There is a completely different entity you are dealing with in addition to your spouse. She is not a wife and husband.
She is a wife, husband, and other person.
It is difficult to place responsibility on a spouse who deals with a very extreme personality or a partner who has a substance abuse problem. This husband is not the one bringing a harmful element into the marriage. Did this mean I was completely innocent?
No, because I was an enabler.
This is another thing I discovered while counseling. Enablers are overly concerned with people who tend to tolerate and make excuses for repeated bad behavior. They stay in unhealthy situations for too long because they care too much. I was and continue to be responsible for the role I played in my marriage.
But there were no two sides to a marriage involving a third party.
I was coping at best. I was intervening in narcissistic behavior. The same funny and charming guy who can fool and impress people like my sassy friend. Who is not my friend anymore? I went to marriage counseling with three people.
My husband and I have narcissistic personality disorder.
If you think you may be suffering from depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you have done wrong.
