For all the mystery of a tiny seed, emotional intimacy surrounds you and your lover in the smallest of spaces. There, the two of you, defy the mathematical logic of one plus one and inexplicably become the power of one.
From the power cultivated in emotional intimacy, a new world erupts as the unity of you and your lover becomes the unity of family, community, humanity, life, and nature.
Under the intoxicating power of emotional intimacy, affection grows, desires ignite, and dreams rule reality.
In the close and comfortable space of emotional intimacy, sensuality is amplified. You and your lover suddenly discover that you don’t need words or communication techniques.
Your acceptance of each other unleashes the primal power hidden in the silence of a gesture, the look of an eye, or the gentle touch of a hand.
Transcending space and time, the power of emotional intimacy transports you and your lover to a place neither of you has gone before and never wants to leave again.
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Emotional intimacy is not an option.
Nature requires us, along with atoms, planets, plants, and other living systems, to interact with each other without falling apart. If we are to move from the emotional stress of the chaotic fuss of meeting someone special to the emotional cohesion of one’s love, integrity is of the utmost importance.
However, although our resistance to disintegration is strong, the intensity of our feelings is profound.
The whole life of a rock is resistance, not familiarity, and therefore not a great life. Intimacy is important because the strength of unity is an emotional matter. Emotions let us know that resistance is not enough; Urgent action is needed now.
To live better than the rock, you and your lover must learn the most challenging and daring lesson you ever learned in the hard school of life: how to achieve emotional intimacy.
Lesson 1: Learn how to reduce your resistance to disintegration without losing your integrity, and learn how to increase your vulnerability without being gullible.
The fact that seeking emotional intimacy is risky belies the madness of how we willingly lower our resistance to breakups and make ourselves emotionally vulnerable to someone we may not know well but who seems special to us.
Thrown into the dizzying heights of romance, you, in a state of madness, invite your stranger to step up and walk with you through the emotional tightrope that leads to emotional intimacy.
Every step of the way is a delicate balance. You both strive to find the right ratio of trust resistance that keeps you balanced and closer to emotional intimacy. Here lies the excitement and risks of an intimate emotional relationship.
The dangers of emotional intimacy are many, not the least of which is deception. On the sensitivity front, the power of emotional intimacy, with its extremely subtle communications, makes us easy targets for deception.
We all deceive ourselves when our affection and desire for affection from someone we consider special do not share the same affectionate desire for or from us.
Although this rejection is painful, we all overcome it and continue our quest to find someone who has true reciprocal affection for us.
Affection for another also makes us vulnerable to deceptive tactics such as those used by a narcissist. The narcissist is incapable of true affection but is an expert at deceptive influences.
As an exhibitionist, narcissists always need attention and admiration, but they cannot completely care and therefore have the commitment to achieving emotional intimacy with you.
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Narcissists, blinded by their grandiosity, only know how to use the subtleties of communication to make you feel bad, turn the tables on you when things go wrong, and blame you for failing to miraculously heal the blind person.
The narcissist will never change, which is a problem because the unity of emotional intimacy requires not just change, but mutation.
The unity of emotional intimacy is a mutation resulting from mutual effort. The mutual trust and courage needed to take the first step on this emotional tightrope go a long way.
The word “mutual” has its origins in a Latin word meaning “transformation,” thus creating mutual trust transforms you and your special someone as you both become one in the mutual act of emotional intimacy.
By working as a unit, the act of emotional intimacy sets the stage for other breakthroughs.
The act of emotional intimacy leads to a reciprocal increase in personal sensitivity to your state of loneliness.
Likewise, there is a mutual development of acute receptivity to non-verbal communications (gestures, looks, sounds) relevant to maintaining emotional balance.
As interpersonal sensitivity and acceptance become more refined, the risks of walking through this emotional tightrope diminish and your success in achieving oneness of emotional intimacy becomes within reach.
To succeed in life, you must succeed in emotional intimacy.
There is no “one size fits all” formula for achieving emotional intimacy. Each trip is a unique collaboration; An ongoing work in progress in which you and your special someone feel your way toward the unity of emotional intimacy.
But mutual endeavors based on mutual feelings beg the question; How do you and your lover know if you are on the right path toward emotional intimacy? Here are some suggestions.
